blah blah n more blah

Samsung Focus not working!!!

2012-01-30T09:08:00.000-08:00

My Samsung focus, my beloved windows phone suddenly refused to charge beyond 1% and always showed a critical battery warning. The firmware must be all screwed up, I imagine. I have a cracked screen and am only seven months into the contract. The tentacles are firm. I can't wiggle my way out of the contract and I am roaming around with a phone that is plain distracting and disturbing as it moans the last few words of a dying man every few minutes (You know the "tell Mom I won't be coming home for christmas blah blah" monologue).. The Google search has so far proved futile and all I can see is "take it back to the retailer". With no insurance it is a desperate struggle, a lost cause.. 350$ minimum for a smart phone and that is busting my budget for that home theater system. All seems lost and in this despair, in that last ditched effort for the solution I go back to Google and with a tweaked word here and there and I get this link that listed an ingenious solution.. one that worked for the writer.. I tried it and it worked like a charm..

This is what I did..

1) Go into the phone application from the menu.

2) type ##634#, which took the phone into diagnostic mode.

3) Enter *#2*# and this displays all sorts of battery diagnostic information like battery performance, temperature, charge etc. This was showing as zero on my phone.

4) Now I just switched off my phone here. I took out my battery and blew some air on the connectors, wiped some dirt and dust.

5) I put back the battery and lo, I have the power back to 98%. Phew.

You know maybe the diagnostic mode is pure crap and only a battery reset must have done the trick. The funny part being I tried the battery reset a couple of times before I attempted the diagnostic hack.

I have heard a few good things about the Nokia windows phone offerings and I am waiting for my contract to expire, which is a long way off. For now it is just one day at a time!

galli ke gunde!!!

2012-01-25T17:07:00.000-08:00

Well This phrase now officially has been reclaimed by the dozen or so losers who represent the Indian team.. Flat pitched bullies would be an apt monicker to describe the team currently on a mensuration cycle. Admit this comparison is really crude and, I fully concede that it is an insult to the opposite sex who go through the pains of the design defect that god overlooked in his crammed up schedule while creating the universe, which according to theologists is only a couple of thousands of years old. This is an interesting topic for my next blog as I make the mental note. To be "fair" to the fairer(not to be construed as racist. we'll make it "prettier") sex Men have their share of woes and design defects/inadequacies as well. I will not go into it too much for the sake of the beating my gargantuan ego and pride will take, whilst doing so.

The losers are just bleeding red("bleed blue" my foot.. so now this is where the analogy comes from.. bleed get it.. eh do you, huh? no, MCP never!!) at the moment. The Michelin guy (Shewag.. one careful look at him again and you will acquiesce to the fact that he does resemble the Tyre guy..Okay, maybe look past the adulation and the hero worship you gathered watching his daring exploits on the flat crumbling wickets of the yore, that 219 where he just tore the bowling to smithereens, look at the blubber of fat accumulated on his neck and that alien life form on his face, err the thing we call a chin on other people. that chin could house my one bedroom flat and the watchman's cabin to my apartment.. sheesh..) looks like he could do better with a secure diaper. And then all we would need is a psychologist to convince him that the diaper would hide from the world; his soiled trousers, facing ordinary bowlers on wickets that bounced a ball above the waist, and I am sure he would contribute 10 or more runs for sure.

I always failed to understand why would looking/being fit be so low on the priority list of someone who would make his living doing a form of physical activity. I guess the only physical activity these guys indulge in must be debauchery, what with the IPL matches and countless nymphets we see @ IPL parties. Cricket is just an aberration in the lives of these idiots, a means to the vulgarity that money induces in their lives.

And how about Mr Cool. Mr Ice, Mr Yo.. the flat pitch helicopter.. I'm sure he could earn some money when he retires by arranging tours over the Grand Canyon.. Me no Yankie or a wannabe.. just can't find a suitable analogy for helicopter services in India. Me and MNS share no common ideological grounds but he just reminds me of that Bhelpuri/paanipuri waala around the corner or the friendly neighbourhood bhajiwala bhaiyya. Suave and slick and cool, I never saw. That diaper would find two vociferous endorsers for sure, ya count Dhoni in. Hop, skip, jump, huff puff "damn I'm tired, getting out of here.. gasp.. where's the air!!" click.. "and there's the edge" screams an excited Tony Grieg.. oh that's the only exercise he gets, apart from that petite and pretty wife of his..(I'm just referring to the activity forced on the poor bhaiyya by bowlers on the bouncy wickets)

Gautam could make his life playing poker.. or he could die on the Delhi roads poking his nose into somebody's business. The masochists in Delhi, would they spare him if he poked his ass everywhere, the way he pokes and flirts with all of them outside the off stump. However at least his face reflects grit, unlike our diaper men.

And yeah now for our Wall.. Thank god we don't have walls like him anymore. erstwhile, maybe a few months ago I thought they had stopped making people like him.. the astute and thoroughly dedicated, the uncorrupted, the pure and unadulterated. So much for epithets.., All I see now are holes, big gaping ones.. do you even need a kookaburra anymore? A soccer ball, anyone?!!! How the virtuous have fallen..

And we have the Lax(ative) man.. maybe that's what's causing the need for diapers.. ya drop the man.. scapegoat we need and who better than the lead footed dinosaur.

We have the Tyrannosaurus Rex as well.. but let's not commit sacrilege and give him the benefit of doubt yet again.. Let him get his elusive landmark and then walk into the sunset on his own!

A newbie spinner who seems to have spent more time playing some another game(carom); looks like he could do better than running his mouth and instead practice his guile with the ball. Rather that being languid and tepid on the field, which belies their age, I think they need more time in the gym.. the nincompoops..

Apna Bhaiyya wants the dinosaurs to retire and make way to some more hoppers/jumpers(I wrote a word that spell check warned me about.. (h)umpers.. although I wasn't absolutely wrong in perspective) , the generation X as they call themselves.. the incontinent IPL generation.. spoiled by the glitz, glamour lavished on them by the Beer Czars, industrialists and the botox generation i.e. the movie stars.

Generation X brigade led by bhaiyya, a cocky ex under 19 captain, a towering waste of a bowler whom puberty aborted midway.. (the menacing teenager and how the supposed metamorphosis to manhood left him a clueless dimwit), Gauti, Michelin man and the foot in mouth carom bowler and we have a solid foundation, a team which can do a billion proud (vision of the panipuriwala eh!).. Yeah comforting indeed.. now back to making Bhelpuri "meetha kum"!!

I was watching this really obscure Indian movie which is about two warring gangs. A goon strays into the territory of the other gang. When confronted by the kings on the turf, the petrified goon runs for his life, chased, hounded till lady luck manages to land him back in his "dominion" where an unfortunate pursuer follows suit. The tables turned, prey becomes the predator and vice versa !! I switched off my television set after that.. but it did remind me of the travails of the useless bunch of jumpers/hoppers down under grinding a nation's pride to dust.

The buffoons will just get back to their own turf and roar again.. when they will not have to jump as hard, (the kookaburra would not go so high).. there'll only be dust flying around, the helicopters will soar mighty high again, the michelin man would regain his swagger, gauti will poke and win, hell even the carom man will wreck havoc..
Mediocrity thy name is Indian cricket!!!

Friday friday..

2012-01-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

My mind drifts towards that elusive weekend.. Elusive, I call it because the weekends have ceased to matter like they used to.. Yet It is a glorious Thursday afternoon outside the confines of my office i.e. the kind of day that made Ferris Bueller famous.. and I look at the calender like some of the travelers in the deserts do looking at the horizon.. Drift away.. fade way (Little tin goddess
Ash to ash, dust to dust Fade to black.. Metallica) .........
..
..
I know that oasis lies somewhere beyond the horizon unseen to the eye at the moment.. The heat is intense and the sun is shining bright. The vultures are hovering over me as I gulp that imagined tiny quantity of water down my throat which is parched dry from the exertion of my slow drab walk on the sand dunes. The shifting sand makes each step towards the horizon a painfully laborious task, each taking me closer to being a meal for the vultures.. One of the impudent, brash vultures is hovering right over my head.. It seems to be acting out of character.. "Scram you scavenger..I am still alive".. "Jitesh when I can I get that document" the vulture seems to be saying.. I rub my eyes in amazement and the vulture shifts it shape slowly into a shape more comprehensible, more recognizable and despicable one to say the least. The sun now is beginning to start to look like my uhhh umm the tube light and I know the place as I "snap back to reality" ( oh there goes gravity Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad But he won't give up that easy, no he won't have it.. Lose Yourself by Eminem..).

The resemblance is uncanny.. The vulture, my boss.. "the scavengers" I think as I hold my stare long enough for it to be the uncomfortable moment between two grown men..( My boss's a ugly sob!! So I knew they would be no misunderstandings.). Look of scorn and contempt from the predator. the thing about these low lives(exclude the bird please..) is they are waiting for you to be at your vulnerable most when they land that decisive blow to annihilate you.. The C.T.O barges in to my cabin.. Okay mama tune change ( kaila glass only english handla glass, glassla scotch eyes fulla tear) as the marauder camouflages into a more benevolent life form and sings a different tune.

This is a highly evolved species, I think about the manager.. The human race will not read minds or master metals or grow back limbs, it was evolving into a much more vile life-form called the project manager. A pot belly, mutated vocabulary and a senile evil mind. One having no skills except the self purported ability to organize men around him and get tasks done. A man who can flip his mood as if controlled by an electronic switch. A man who can crawl the dirtiest terrain and lie with a poker face (pa pa pa pa poker face: Lady Gaga).

(Disclaimer: Enough said about managers. I think there is no decisive tool to measure a managers worth and hence it(the role) will mostly be a sham. While I have seen many shining examples, I have also seen unbelievable mediocrity thrive in spite of blatant show of incompetence and non deliverance. This is just a stupid post and no offense should be taken. I think that any business needs managers to thrive and grow, but choosing one needs careful deliberation and extreme consideration, an art that currently leads a lot to be desired)

5:30 p.m.
The sun shines overhead, blisters on my feet.. throat dry.. vultures aren't tiring. I wipe the sand off my brow and clear my vision.. What do I see in the distance, a million diamonds in the sand, the water reflecting the sun and shining so bright, radiant that eyes hurt .. I rush towards the water.. The vultures stay with me.. Camels, nymphets..civilization drawing closer with each step.. the vultures still over my head.. This must be a mirage I think.. Of course just like the weekend will be .. I snap back to reality (oh there goes gravity Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad But he won't give up that easy, no he won't have it.. ).. Pack-up as I leave, switch off the power in my cabin, wave the quick bye to my manager and head off home..

I am in my car heading home and I hear this song playing.. already in anticipation for the next office day that looms ahead.. Friday friday (Partyin partyin fun.. looking forward to the weekend)!!!!

Tu sudhra nahin!!

2011-11-11T10:54:00.001-08:00

So I call my friend after ages and I get a tepid "Bol". Trying to get that adrenalin in the conversation going I let loose a flurry of choicest abuses and some pet names that embarrasses my dear old friend now, but was good enough in the chaddi days. He said "Tu sudhra nahi yaar udhar jaake".. Ok.. Ya It didn't register then and we continued our conversation. I got a long list of achievements that my fellow had "accomplished". Oh "Delivery manager", cool.. "Oh so you know" in a icy cold tone he mumbled.. "I handle two accounts".. "A hundred people report to me".. Great I said.. "Oh so you know".. "I got 110% variable for outstanding performance"..

So my fellow you never were a laggard .. "There was never a doubt about the superiority of the gene pool that you belonged to" I sarcastically added with absolutely no effort to hide the effrontery. In fact it was just to taunt my dear old friend.. We went back a long way. "You were born a genius" I continued and paused waiting for the retaliation.. blank space.. guess Mr Snob didn't like sarcasm coming from the lower echelons of the society . The cold response that I got on my end of the line made me check if my friend was still present on other end of the line.."Hello, you there".. silence .. some sound.. probably noise.. "Yes" A cold voice again assuring me that my chatter was not lost to empty space.
Visualizing a middle aged french gentleman with round rimmed spectacles, gelled jet black hair, thin mustache.. not quite the teeth that the picture shows, I sniggered and continued chatting.. so followed his curriculum vitae as he boasted of numerous professional conquests .. "hey I am no interviewer" I pitched in.. my dig was ignored again, some more boasts followed.. twitch* twitch* my imagination working again "Snob with his chest inflated" , a slim waist, a black tux, a pipe.. eyes opened just enough as if meticulously calculated, expending minimal energy , expression of scorn for the lowlife around him.. chardonnay in one hand replacing the "cheap" old monk from the days of humbleness and sobriety. Plush leather sofa replacing the faux.. smoke emanating Cigar, resting on a plush crystal ashtray placed immaculately after hours of deliberation over the coordinates on a glass center table (I couldn't reason my imagination to exclude the cigar out of the equation in spite of my Snob already having a pipe, so artistic liberty was granted here). twitch* twitch*..as I slowly lumbered back from wonderland..

So how are you doing asked my friend.. "Not too bad" I replied and summed up my professional life in a sentence. "Not too bad for yourself " said he. Condescension flooding my conscious and I resisted the sudden urge to retort with a jibe and whimpered a forgettable monosyllable.
His wife was the Indian counterpart of the snob as my imagination worked up another image, eyes open just enough, chin pointing to the ceiling, diamond necklaces as she graced my phone call with the bare minimum to define a conversation.

Pleasantries having been exchanged, I could barely continue the conversation with my once very good friends for more than ten minutes. My friend saved my 001 number and promised to call me when he had some free time.
Hanging up the phone My thoughts went back to my friend's "Tu sudhra nahin" remark. Hmmm "change" I always thought, as time progressed was only to do with your hairline, muscles and skin and very little with attitude towards your own people. I guess all the world is interested now is one's finance statement just like Google's or Microsoft's or for that matter Reliance's or ONGC's.

My experiments with food part uno!!!

2011-10-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

The King could not cook to save his life.. once upon a time in a land not so far far away the King was visiting the client on a critical assignment of an onsite coordinator. A task so crazily complex, so fraught with intricate details and requiring remarkable dexterity, that the King felt gargantuan pride in executing them.
Every day, the monumental task of calling up remarkable Indian brains locked away in the sweat shops i.e. the two by two foot cubicles drained up much of King's mental energy. Tired and exhausted, everyday the king retired to his heavenly abode, a royal 200 sqft room in the pristine Homestead suites.

The king watched mentally stimulating television programs like Family Guy, Girls gone wild and the highly intellectual Simpsons everyday in his pedantic pursuits! King had been meticulous to ensure constant supply of grub, till one fine day the King decided to test his culinary aptitude, vowing that he would not eat the wretched burger yet another day.

King was in uncharted waters.. Too lazy to ask the matriarch, king one day decided to take on the challenge of conjuring up an edible sustenance. "How difficult would it be?", pondered the King the night before the fateful day when the formerly unthinkable task was to be attempted. The funny queasy feeling in the stomach warning him about the cataclysmic event that was to ensue.

So on the chosen day, the usual chores all complete, the king headed to the convenience store where he picked up some pulses, rice and condiments. The upscale lodging establishment has arranged some utensils so that the event of a lifetime could conclude to a closure.

King put his imaginary apron on, and set about using the microwave, boiling lentils. The Radio that day played Queen's "I want to break free" and some other rock hits. King strummed his air guitar, beat his imaginary drums and cut, chop with reckless abandon.. "How difficult could it be"??!! Stage one complete. Rice, a cup washed in water, ready!..Peter Griffin and Stewie on the tube distracted, but the King riveted his attention back to the critical task at hand.. Stage two needed some oil and this is when reality struck the King like a bolt from the blue. There was no oil to complete stage two. This was too important an event to be aborted now. In a detour from the normal, the finicky King switched over to contingency. So coconut Hair oil on the pan.. Something was fishy but the king could not put his finger on what was wrong. So, in went the mustard seeds, the cumin seeds and some onion.. Stage three was rice cooking. Some microwave again with rice. The dal looked ready but something was not quite right.. The beer bottle was chilling in the refrigerator. The table was set. The moment of reckoning called..
Tasting session on and, King had got the rice right.. an imaginary hooray in the head.."Ambrosia" it will be..Yeah...as the king bowed a little to the "imaginary audience in the studio". Everything looked perfect!!

Too good to be true and there it was, the spoiler..The Dal smelt funny and tasted a disaster..

Why not, as the King looked at his hair oil."Perfumed hair oil" and he prepared his bed on a growling empty stomach!
Zzzzzzz...!!!

I hate you like I love you!!!

2011-09-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

Shake that biscuit baby.. shake it.. and a portly Aamir Khan gyrates to an incredibly sexy tune that set me moving.
Wifey surprised, chides me to rejoin the dinner table!
Youtube during dinner is not a bad idea I say!!

Am I the only one who moves to a well collaborated tune in the house? Asked a bemused me, as my wife fumed..
Wifey cribs and mutters to herself.. in chaste Marathi.. How we think, when we have to curse someone in colloquial and not the language we use to impress..
Pity how Baap sounds like an expletive but "Dad" is cool..

By now Aamir is shaking his booty all too vigorously in the song.. a few more Marathi potshots at me under her breath.. pupils dilated, the unnerving stare of the Maratha.. Ooh a thousand shivers travel down my spine.. I'm shaking at the knees..
I pick up the dosa and munch on it, the product of an intensely grueling exercise i.e. cooking :P! "The salt isn't enough".. Life expectancy go down several notches, "The Sambhar is not the perfect viscosity" and I join the tigers on the endangered species list.. Uncomfortable silence around the table.. A stare that can kill..I burst into a nervous laughter.. "Joking re"..Survival instincts coming to the fore, to save, to ensure that the Krishnan gene propagated beyond the hapless dosa munching Malayali. Wifey, an aggressive, all too proud Maratha.. "Well you don't need that much salt.. Not good for your health and Sambhar is perfect".. I couldn't agree more.

The food was all too perfect.. I knew it and so did she..
What was the fun in an quite civilized dinner.. This is not our mid life crisis. Is it??!! Barbaric is how it should be..
The rough waters is where the fun is.. Isn't it? Surfers know this, so do the river rafters.. The calm waters only looked good in a Digital SLR picture. So here I was throwing the imaginary pebble in the calm waters.. ripples looked cool.. "The salt isn't enough".. "Sambhar is a little too thick to my liking".. Wifey knows the Keeda* I am unto.. She is gradually perfecting the art mastered by my poor parents.. Ignoring the incorrigible me!
The song nearing the end, rose into the expected crescendo.. My single processor mind prioritizing the labour of love from an Aamir Khan production than the Dosa on my table and I do the pelvic thrusts (:P)..
Tutti Frutti O Rudy.. A wop bop a lu a wop bam lu.. Yeaahhhh..

My new found love for Bollywood is serving me well.. Life with it's troughs and the crests.. I was now in that familiar phase where Bollywood appealed more than any Rock artiste.. The cycle would flow, the other way in sometime I'm sure

It's a good life.. to love and be loved.. and listen to the good old Bollywood numbers.. And err .. the Dosa as well!!!
By the way there is no message, congruency or sanity in this post, if you intend to look for one i.e.!!!
Adieu

*Keeda :
A Mumbai slang meaning mischief. An incredibly versatile word, which literally means a "worm" can be used anywhere in a variety of ways. I could give a whole bunch of examples, but I desist for the risk of being carried away in the rising torrents of passion and madness that a word like this incites in me , for my mean, dirty old city Mumbai! Please google for the deviled word and the search engine does a better job.

The curious case of the Egg Beater!!!

2011-09-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

"Do we need the egg beater" asked JK for the umpteenth time..
"Yes yes yes" shrieked the wifey, the echoes reverberating through the shopping mall with a couple of thousands short in capacity, courtesy the recession..

Recession and depression are different as per economics.. Economics is really interesting.. I mean people who studied that stupid field always made better money than the geeks.. except the czars like the founders of the big IT companies..

Now JK was not the typical pinch-penny.. but he was on a cash squeeze now as he tried to save up for his retirement.. Being callous for the most part of his life about money, he was now playing catch up with his miserly friends who had amassed a fortune saving even on the brand of underwear's.. they'd rather scratch, wearing the cheap stuff than spend on comfort..
Their comfort lie in the number of zeroes after the first digit in their bank account.. JK felt insecure now.. The stinginess had put his friends on a nice cushion for the bumpy ride that the recession ensured.. Ya he had the Calvin Klein(s), but who cared!!!!!

Coming back, JK thought why did they need an egg beater??!!! A 4$ price tag would not make him lose sleep.. But in the end the beaters and the Klein's would all add up.. He fought his case valiantly.. his odds stacked up against this monstrosity of a Maratha warrior, he married a year ago(:P.. Me not getting any food for ever, I think)!!!! The Wifey failed to figure, how would an egg beater wash away our retirement plans?!! Wasn't that the domain of the wall-street brokers and bankers.. To eat away into the 401K's... She had a valid case and she wasn't giving up.."Yakey Yak,, Blah blah,, blabber " ..The old white couple looked over their shoulder in concern towards us.. "Ooh these immigrants, when will they ever learn", I'm sure they muttered under their breath..
JK was not giving up as he was quite perplexed about the status of the egg beater in the kitchen.. "We never baked, nor did we make anything else except the omelet (Indian style, where the lowly spoon did more than what was desired!!!) or the half fry".. "Bhurji was made twice last year and Omlette once a month as an average" as I put on my Statistic hat ..
Wifey was not listening.. it was a trait, that was a result of natural selection.. womankind lost the virtues of listening and logic during an argument a long time ago :P"Fine, I am not buying anything" and she just dropped everything into the cart that Walmart provided, walking away.. The huge cart with only the egg beater and a wooden spatula in it.. It was just like a huge bank vault having just a few coins in it.. I'm sure Walmart had a thousand psychologists working on their payrolls!!! How could I go to the cash counter with just a wooden spatula in this humongous cart, let me fill it up with something, Yeah this chips packet looks alright, and this huge ice cream pack too.. or maybe not..Hmmm..

I frankly had no business being here buying a wooden spatula and an egg beater.. Exasperated as I was, after marriage you just realize that the king of the pride theory all work well only among-st the wild cats!!!! The "Roar" just doesn't have the same effect It once had.. After centuries and centuries had the tools of taming the alpha male been perfected.. "Marriage".. It had a recessionary effect on the male gene and the opposite on the female!!!!I knew I was losing this one too.. She was walking away and I was staring at the egg beater and the spatula in the cart.."Fine!!", I muttered under my breadth and wifey heard it miles away i.e. a couple of aisles away.. Ooh the smile returned and the wifey walked back to me, victorious, jubilant and I heard a thousand Maratha warriors yell in my head "Har Har Mahadeo, Shivaji Maharj ki Jai". I stayed quiet for the rest of the ritual (Shopping !!!Aargghhhhh)..

Finally we reached the cash counter and I paid with the frown on my face. The cashier asking "Did you find everything you were looking for?!", a line perfected by rehearsing a zillion times.. it came out, as if by instinct and I cringed every time I heard it. Ya said the frowning self and the chirpy wifey in unison.It's been a week and the egg beater has not seen the light of the day.. I open the cabinet where it lies and I know this is what will make me work when I am seventy..
Sigh.. as I walk away, I can feel the monster (cobwebs, dust and the beater coalesced into one) laugh the "Thriller" laugh at the poor, woeful, pitiful me..

Hobby!!!

2011-03-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

Okay..
It's been a long time and a long boring time spent in a foreign land. Only plus I've seen is I can save enough money so that I take care of my electricity and water bills when I'm old. Well monochrome as Life has been I've been cribbing about it to all and sundry and people have goaded me to pick up a hobby.
"Well a hobby, Jitesh could be anything" blahs my colleague at my work place. It could be trekking, mountaineering, sports, painting, exercising, photography etc..
"You just have to know what you like doing best" he croaked further.. "You just have to bring out that creative best within you and see how you'll excel in your other parts of life"..Yada yada.. and couple of half hours later I was satiated with the so called gyan that my colleague had been so benevolent to shower me with.. Give them an inch I tell you.. There's a saying in Hindi that aptly goes like this.. "Kandhe pe bithaya to kaan mein mutna"..

So Saturday morning I get up and after hours of persuading, wife makes me coffee.. Yeah Yeah people take me for granted most of the time!!
And my mind flashes back to the lengthy discourse my colleague had been generous with..
Hobby huh?!!!
What are the options I have..
Trekking, Mountaineering..
Interesting hmm.. but is it for me? My mind goes back to the daily excruciating walk up the stairs to my cubicle.. Puff Puff baby!!! Malboro, Camel just had made me a low mileage vehicle.. I ran out of gas quicker than Hummer going off a fuel pump, looking for the next one. Trekking.. shudder SS shudder SS.

Painting,
Well this one was my pedigree!!! After all I was good sketching hot sexy women and comic super heroes during my hey days, Ahem!!! I'm still young and very still have a lot of horsepower in my engine.. just don't need sketches anymore wink wink ;).. Painting was one thing that needed a lot of patience.. I know one too many painters take a week or so to painfully finish off their piece of work that I had lumps in my throat praising!!! Anything that's not straight from the heart takes some effort!! So an unmeant praise took a lot of effort coming.. Digress eh!! Coming back.. Painting was a lot of effort too.. A quick sketch was what they said in the "V" (cricketing terminology).. But a painfully patient paint (ppp wow) is like what a test match was to a T20 specialist.. I was bound to falter and fall flat on my face. Considering the features I've been blessed with, falling on my face was a lottery.. Getting uglier had a very dim probability of happening but the pain quotient in me was a dissuader!!
So push shove.. painting out!!!

Exercising.. Ha Ha Ha.. I rather not go there. This isn't even an option!!
Sports:
Like you need two hands to clap, five pairs at least to play Cricket. it seemed impossible for me to pick this up! I knew only a handful here and nobody wanted to dirty their hands and waste time playing Cricket!! Sports out..

Photography: Yeah therein lies my niche!! I was born to click Yeah!!.. All that was needed was a costly Nikon, Canon to do my work and Photoshop to apply the finishing touches. Voila a hobby!!
I'll flood cyber space with 5 MB binary files and a quote to go with it.. An old man.. wrinkles hiding what must've been a handsome face, cataract eyes..Some light behind him.. a 500$ lens.. I was bound to succeed.. An antiquated piece of furniture, A ruin, a rusty pipeline.. Wow.. I'm a genius.. So photography It's going to be..
Thankfully I have a few friends who praise anything or opine on whatever, I upload on Facebook..
Now what do I do now?!.. Amazon.com ,,look up some nice cameras!!! Clickety click.. here I come!!
Adieu!!!

bakwaas

2010-12-07T11:59:00.000-08:00

Back from my self imposed exile and I felt the sudden insatiable urge to write a post. Need not be the post with substance, just some more junk in cyberspace. My doormat got more activity that me during the last six months or so during the day.. The Bulge in my wallet deserted me and a grotesque mean pot belly compensated for it. Yeah men need curves too. don't they?! Albeit in the wrong place was that abomination of fat fed by coke, fries and unrelenting supply of sweet tea (courtesy my office supplies) and some good beer(oh no.. the office doesn't stock pile these beautiful thingies)!!. An unwanted guest, a despised specimen it is here to stay.. Months of substance (read junk food) abuse and plain office routine left me inept at exercising.
Enough about me, myself and serene (crap!! Well I was just watching that Jim carrey movie, had to use it)

Wikileaks was blowing the wind out of every political personalities around the world. Corruption, Greed exposed and Julian Assange became a hero to many a young idealist.. I don't think the cables need to be exposed to the world. I haven't read too much about it and this is just a wild uneducated swipe at the phenomenon that is Wikileaks.
While opinion remains divided about the righteousness quotient of the founder and his intentions, I feel that the world is not ready for power politics.
So what the diplomatic and the power channels feel about a rogue nation, a dictator or a nation on a development rampage high on testosterone;is really, none of my business.
While I do have the right to know about the occurrences and dealings that happen between the world leaders and nations, I would like to be shielded from the initial half baked dealings and exchanges.
There is a reason why I vote to elect my leader and I feel that I have no right to determine what he speaks to his subordinates or how he deals with them. All I need to know is whether my best benefits are served or not! The intricacies of power politics I don't care about.
I don't care if he romps with three lissome ladies behind closed doors for couple of hours when he is fighting for me, the other twenty.

How many people can rise about petty ideological, gender, class differences? Not too many. I am surprised to see people still bragging about their brahmanical origins or in the same vein crib about their lowly status in the stratum of society, demanding unequal rights like reservation etc. Surprising to see Khap panchayats and honour killing more than sixty years after Gandhi and Nehru wanted to do away with them.
I was shocked to see a few of my friends on the social medium called Facebook like a video about Nehru bashing. When asked, I was just pounded by ignorance, nondescript conspiracy theories and even excerpts from some regional book by some inconsequential and fundamentalist unknown writers. The video also pivoted on the supposed Nehru Lady mountbatten flirtation and painted him as a power hungry politician(bashing him on his smoking habits.. hell who cares.. even I smoke and sip an occasional drink :)..).. Maybe he was.. But at that time I feel he was best equipped to project a progressive secular nation.
I have seen forwards of a mail distorting and disreputing the Gandhi lineage. Not that I'm their biggest fan. But I dont care if someone marries a muslim or a parsi.

So do people need a peek at the power dealings? At a time where A Raj or a Bal can instigate people to go against their own country men or a separatist can get the youth out on the street to pelt stones at hapless security men do we need a phenomenon like Wikileaks in India. Opinions can be shaped very quickly by a few at the top, history distorted by a few. Millions ready to die for a separate state based on trivial things like Language, Religion etc are ready to charge at the rantings of a power hungry megalomaniac.
When we shift to a higher gear towards progress we need a super highway bereft of any bumps which these factors of power politics exploiting language, region and religion bring about.
But at a time when Media is also a tool of the ones at the helm, is a medium like Wikileaks the only means to bring about change in a place like India???!!!

I dont think my brain can fathom the after effects of these events as they occur. In hindsight it is easy to tell, but in a place as dynamic as India where even the most brilliant people can be surprised, I am but a stupid software programmer!

Sleepy!!

2010-06-18T20:55:00.001-07:00

My First blog via a chrome extension!!! I mean convenience has taken a whole new meaning altogether. Now I can pay all my bills at the click of a button..Get all I need at a button's click. Stay connected with my friends with a few clicks, store memories which is again few more clicks! Doesn't that mean I should be happier than my earlier generations, where they had those bell bottoms and twist was hep! Well your guess is as good as mine..Much to my chagrin, the uneasy feeling of not having accomplished what some others have achieved always gnaws at the subconscious. Yearning for that Bigger car, Bigger apartment, Fatter paychecks, Six packs, Colossal bank balances, Rolex's; Materialism's the word I'm looking for. It's a race none wins!

foosball!!!

2010-06-17T06:16:00.000-07:00

The extravaganza is back to thrill all of us. The world's most popular sport is rocking and humming!! Yeah humming, a strange word to use here, but switch on the television and everyone knows what's being discussed here. The Vuvuzela, the most irritating thing to happen to entertainment since Celine Dion.. Canadians forgive me, we have all loved your other export Bryan Adams during our years when we started sprouting body hair and the women developing their WMD's(Weapons of Mass Destruction!!!Hume to lut liya milke husn waalo ne gore gore gaalon ne kaale kaale baalon ne!).
So I was mightily thrilled during the IPL matches held in Mumbai, where they were selling Vuvuzela inspired miniature blow horns.. and I have a souvenir displayed proudly on the walls from one of the many matches that we won before suffering from a bad case of indigestion and developing cold feet and submitted meekly to Chennai SooperKings in the match that mattered the most!!

Anyways Vuvuzela was just an aberration or a minor inconvenience before I started reading about these articles about them being this thing from hell that made life intolerable for many.. And Presto I was majorly inconvenienced too.. Psychology pscho..shit anyways.. Vuvuzela, looks like will torment and torture a lot of aficionados. Luckily I ain't one of the fanatics who sacrifice all other activity for this wonderful game..
So here's to Vuvuzelas and the racket they cause, Cheers!!! I'm glad the world cup is here, coz it is just another excuse to guzzle my favourite beverage without the guilt pangs that accompany the binge sessions!!!
Adieu Blogland!!!

Real Estate

2010-06-15T04:34:00.001-07:00

I mentioned in my last post that the new Gold was real estate.. I said that and Gold rose too.. Dollar gained and so did gold.. They go together, don't they? But Real Estate has walloped away like a runaway horse and shows no sign of abating.. Now is this sustainable, this spurt in the prices; remains to be seen..

So me and few of my bum-chums on a fine sunny day, bunking corporate responsibilities went on a witch hunt for some properties, we thought would be cheap.
Now Cheap, if looked up in the dictionary reveals an interesting definition..
[:costing very little; relatively low in price; inexpensive: a cheap dress.]

I don't know if that can be applied to the land prices in and around the dirty megalopolis we call Mumbai.. The sales offices of all the real estate players sport a very chic look and soon the troika of confident urban yuppies were nervous wrecks as they were bazooka-ed by the extraordinariness of the rates spelled out by the suave marketing executives in charge. "BAM", "KAPOW".. Remote dirty desolate locations were skimming a crore for puny apartments, they called luxury abodes.. Yeah Yeah.. Two Bedroom halls had bedrooms that could not accommodate my double beds. A crore for Chandivali and Mulund. Andheri from where the young turks hailed would be slaughter if this was the norm.

The now gasping-for-fresh-air fellows gave up their quest for a steal and settled for their now familiar beer and some exquisite sea food. The topic of discussion during them guzzling the latest blend being, who is sustaining this mighty estate bear run.

We recalled how the Uber confident marketing guy demanded a cool crore for a small apartment in a remote corner of Chandivali, a place which might have been a garbage dump, a slum, a marsh or plain uninhabitable hillocks bulldozed to plainness. Rains had just paid the place a visit and we drove though the place, now returning back to it's original characteristic of marshiness. Zillion Potholes on the narrow lanes which connected the place to civilization looked to be adornments on the path to our destination. Agreed, the complex looked classy but a crore was something which a honest earning individual could never imagine in his wildest dreams to come easy. Luck and some inheritance could only help him get to the coveted 8 digit mark.

"So who the F@#k is driving up these prices" yelled the Catholic, as the Gujju and the Mal, lost in thought looked on!!

Black money and some asses who have made a killing, riding on lady luck that the beloved lord had benevolently shone upon him.
Some idiots who made millions acting in the stupid soaps that had the womenfolk hooked and was gibberish to the intelligent few. Some guy who dealt in diamonds in his daytime and in between his deals bet on the speculative stock markets with tons of insider information and of course tons of the dirty green, some guy in the corrupt administrative offices who had their palms always greased out, Some ass who inherited and owed his wealth to his forefathers. Throw in a few hundred thousand suckers who thronged to the Americas and the Gulf nations or some obscure nations in Europe doing jobs that needed no skill or expertise (Hey but who am I to comment on the nature of jobs as long as it payed well in currency conversions). Some making good money as middlemen while some just played their cards well in divisional politics that was eating away at the roots of our nation. Income tax officials raided Big B and other celebrities but turned a blind eye to these investments in Real Estate.

While some folks earning substantial white incomes did play spoil sport and park their investments into Real Estate, there was only a small part of those buying the thousands of apartments queuing the sky lines of every suburb.
Black money turning white and was killing the common folk. Mira Road and Bhayander can hardly be called a preferred destination now but they too charged a premium for these so called plush and classy apartments. Thane a down market suburb suddenly turned premium and commanded exorbitant prices. Mulund was no longer a middle class destination. Bhandup, Ghatkopar which were "so so" not so long ago were going upscale.

Builder lobby changed landscapes, built a few malls and presto a Crore was the new song on their lips. We have Navi Mumbai now. A Few Malls mushrooming and a few good restaurants and the Airport ;Bang there you have it, The crore Brigade singing. No escaping these suckers I'm telling you!!!
So what does the common man do.. Wait and hope the bubble busts and also pray for these asses to build more of these apartments so they(Builders) have more than they can chew (Let's see them sustain their arrogance and their greed in bad times).We should also stop giving in to their demands and play the waiting game. Difficult as it may seem, it may also turn out to be a double whammy, for we'll have some reserve cash but nothing we could buy if tide turned their way(and the rates kept spiraling up).

Dilemma and we drank some more beer and consumed some more fish!

Rants

2010-05-27T00:09:00.000-07:00

Old bones ache.. struggle to move against the force that Newton warned us against.. Inertia.. Harrumph; Don't jump off that high storey said the wise, else you'll accelerate at 9.81 m/s2 and by the second law you'll be crushed by the momentum transfer as you hit the stationary ground.. Acceleration, gravity, momentum etc.. Life was simple before he came along..:D.. So Now I knew that wind resistance only played a role in slowing the scarf down while I plummeted along with it. This is talking the case if me and the scarf(Ya the personified piece of cotton or synthetic material dyed your favourite colour) jumped together!!! So being light was not such a bad thing after all.. So a Kareena Kapoor at her size zero best would probably float while I burnt like a meteor entering the earth's atmosphere hurling towards liberation and pulverization as I hit the ground.. i.e. only if the both of us jumped together!!She being the smart one would have a Chute tugged in her size zero hot pants too. Would double up as excellent butt pads too! So Newton or not, Jitesh surely smashes against the ground like a pumpkin should, while she floats away saifly(get it!!ya Hit me)!!!

So losing weight was not a bad thing after all. If only the loss distribution was uniform and I lost evenly.Sigh!!

All my weight pumping buddies; imagine all that strength, helpless against the laws of nature.. Buff up and you fall faster.. Not disrespecting Newton; just wind resistance.. Hey Hey.. No logic here, you intelligent people(Me scared of these intellects, who know more books and shove their intellect up our butts)!
The vagrants at the intersection were getting bolder and they tugged at your trousers and crisp white shirts.. The dirt and grime imprinted on my new blackberry trousers.. Aargh.. I estimate he makes thrice, what my hardworking watchman makes! Damn.. There should be a way to restore some parity in this world.. There was no substitute for hard work, they say! Honesty a virtue! Bullcrap

Anyway Honest a trait,not my building watchman possessed. So When he was not selling off the colony water to the nearby hawkers, he was busy dozing as trespassers made merry! But he was still better than those vagabonds at the intersection.

The Rickshaw drivers and the dogs wither in the heat, this dreadful summer unleashes! They snap at the slightest provocation. The threshold of sanity dips. The last Night rickshaw ride entertained me, as the driver cussed and threatened any guy driving slowly! The canines in my lane show ferocity that bely their size. I don't risk the late night walks as the dogs rule the lanes(sadly the city, state and the country too..get the drift. Don't you, you smart asses). Concrete and dust float through the air and with soot, ash and zillion other type of chemicals form a concoction, potent enough to slowly poison all of suburbia. Cough sputter choke, whine.. Who cares,Lemme smoke one more cigarette. Redevelopment, slum rehabilitation, reclaiming land et al feed the greed of the builder lobby and the denizens rich with the Sen-sex stash.. Corporates, Black marketeers, Investors etc pump money into the mindless concretes and there it is, the new Gold.. Real Estate. I struggle to breathe in my new confines.. The society talks about redevelopment and I want it too. But I wince when I see a small building go down and a blue print put up amidst the rubble, as the old gives way to the new, meaning more concrete.

Travelling takes up 15-20% of an average Mumbaikar. Coming home at odd timings and try to fit in some time of putting useless chatter on the web, as Twitter lights up, Facebook reflects mindless statuses.. Someone lonely, someone watching a movie, some desperately craving attention as they update every hour. People read and comment and the vicious cycle keeps everyone busy. Peeping into others lives, recreation takes on a whole new dimension. Snaps flood into cyberspace. Comments follow.. Some more snaps uploaded.. Comments as usual and then maybe a blog or two..and then slumber land.. Next day follows and Work, Travel follow suit followed by mindless cyber chatter again and so on till Friday sets, heralding a weekend where Mumbaikar tires himself to exhaustion trying to cover for the misses of the weekdays..

Adieu here!!!

IPL and etc etc

2010-03-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Yo the IPL is here..
India is lapping up the matches at a feverish pace.. Not in a long time have I been exposed to this level of entertainment akin to junk food.. IPL is providing me the stimulation of dopamine as does junk food.. This is making me forget some of the worries and numbs some of my senses, making me feel elated when Sachin fires and depressed when he doesn't. Same like a good Paani puri does to your senses..
But what else has IPL exposed us to?
Crass commercialism and irresponsible advertising.. So while It made me buy a Karbonn mobile and also wake up to a plethora of mobile brands, it also made me aware of the force with which India was surging ahead (not with grace though.Coming back to this later).. Money was making it's presence felt everywhere via IPL.. The multiplexes wore a deserted look and this didn't mean recession. Homes started becoming the new happening joint to hang around with friends visiting to watch the IPL matches. Bimbettes cheering IPL.. some women I knew who couldn't differentiate an LBW and a leg bye suddenly spoke about free hits and switch hits with equal panache and ease as they discussed their favourite conditioner, moisturizers etc.

The guys who till sometimes ago abhorred anything related to cricket and found football and F1 or tennis interesting/fashionable now seemed to be inquisitive about a six footer and a hulk of a man named Pollard and his famed hitting prowess!
So now knowing cricket had become fashionable again and suddenly the connoisseurs of the game resumed importance and their position in the society(Ha Ha.. what crap eh??!!).. Football was relegated to the sidelines and any mention of the game found disapproving glances and were discussed in hushed tones in the empty by lanes of the city, far away from the general public.

Lalit Modi the bastard who got lucky spoke with a lisp and an overconfidence brought about by the sudden windfall that the tournament provided to one and all associated with the tourney.
To think of it, it is not even an original concept so him taking all the credit is like the Congress taking credit for some development taking place.. The governance has had nothing to do with India shining.. alright some of their policies did serve us right but all those roadside chamcha posters that were an eyesore like the stupid mid delivery commercial breaks during an IPL broadcast were hardly justified.

So The C.M inaugurated the two lanes on the sea link with much fanfare and conveniently made AB baby a scapegoat for some more bashing.. A lot of buzz was generated when the congress spokesperson enquired not so politely
Mr A.B about Gujarat riots.. So while ya, Gujarat did happen during a B.J.P tenure but the congress has been hardly secular. While they have dissected Modi for his alleged role in the mass Genocide in Gujarat, they have themselves run away from anything that happened during their tenure. case in study being 1984 Sikh riots and protagonists being Tytler and Sajjan Kumar!!
Firstly I'm not a fundamentalist not do I have any religious views. i personally feel religion is a waste of time and I find most people practising any religion zealously, very narrow minded and biased. While they are first to read other religious works and it is only with a bias and an attempt to prove thier own writings superior..
Looking up the meaning of the term genocide on dictionary.com I found this

noun
the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group.

Whoa 900 victims in an Indian population is a train accident most times!! Genocide seemed kinda harsh.. Any ways not that I support Modi (and I'm not being defensive here). I think 10 times that number of Kashmiri pandits must've died in a systematic extermination(sounds like a genocide , doesn't it?The numbers are not verified) by some groups who want that part of the land separated because we raise a different flag than what they choose to..

Phew what a detour.. So pseuds .. brand me a Fundamentalist, call me V.H.P or a Bajrang Dal activist and I won't be surprised.

Coming back to the IPL, the advertisements have been a pain in the Ass and I really do find them very irritating but hey I'm watching so much for so little. Rules of commerce had to be applied here too. Tasteful advertising died with Bajaj pankhe and Nirma from the single screen theaters. So a J.K cement advert has a skimpily clad nymphet rise out of the sea waters(????? what's the cement connection, go figure). That my initials are J.K highly embarrassed me.
There is one of these ads in particular where A.K laughs his heavy bass highly irritating laugh playing a motion game on an Indian mobile and it made a fool of him and the brand. The commentators too remarked him being high on substance abuse.

There is now ads between deliveries.. Talk about capitalist greed. So Modi (Lalit) basked in the glory that was IPL and the commentators specialised in trying to outdo others vocally, and shooting off the now cliched phrases like "Like a tracer bullet"(buddha shastri should be castrated for this one).Verbal Vomit, the term phrased for this nonsense. The commentators of the old were boring at the max, but these guys were potential biological weapons that could cause irreversible brain damages in devastating numbers, to populace hooked to the phenomenon called IPL. It is good that Cricket diverts from whatever these idiots say else our goose was cooked.
Karbonn Kamaal catch, Citi moment of success, DLF maximum bludgeoned my senses to meek submission and I with the masses were being enslaved to the daily dose of IPL.

This has to be the most successful version of the IPL. It took some time for the concept to take off. The second version suffered from the away venues. The third version is where we are standing at and it looks to be the most exciting till date.
Pointing snubbed it, so did Peterson but did it matter? Warner turns it on, Pathan does too. Who are missing the snobs??
Not me!!!
Anyways this is a big one and a boring one too .. signing off

vrr vrrr vrrroooooooommmmm

2010-01-12T00:41:00.000-08:00

This is how you pass time when you don't have much to do in the office!!!!

Click someones name on the office communicator and write <<>>> on the window and send it to the friend. Then tell him did they hear the buzz that came with it. This is akin to Yahoo messenger you tell them only the sound is much funnier/ unique/ loud etc etc.. any random thing that can get the cat curious!!!

They will inadvertently send you an emoticon that says they are perplexed. You tell them to put the head phones on and send it again.

No sound they say.. Damn you say it works on my friends P.C. And you gesture your friend that it works and your friend your crime accomplice nods.. An office belle as your unsuspecting victim is all the more fun!!!!

So your crime partner nods and she tries this out with her friends and we have some confused souls around!!!

This incident is based on a true incident that happened today!!! I know I'm just adding to cyber woes by adding junk in some database, but instead of being a narc and uploading portfolio pics on Facebook and making Mark zuckerberg happy (with our privacy settings going for a toss on Facebook), and waiting for a cheesy friend to write an equally cheesy comment about how sweet the pic is.. I'm just adding a few characters to some RDBMS on a cluster in some storage room in some data center, which runs on a cloud, which unfortunately happens to be the latest industry buzz word that I have to learn to sound smart and stay in the rat race!!!

Okay time to get back to reading about cloud computing!!!! Life is a bitch and so is my friend Brain.. :)

My subject is just borrowed from the latest bollywood flick 3-idiots from that scene where sharman joshi tells his professor how an induction motor starts!!! No relation to the garbage written!

Adieu

Great Indian fast Bowler!

2009-09-28T08:19:00.000-07:00

What do Harry Potter, Superman, Batman, Yeti, Lara Croft and the Indian fast bowler have in common??

Guess what... I'll have to say they are all figments of someones hyperactive imagination...while most of them have been runaway successes one of them has broken the hearts of millions of hopeful fanatical fools collectively known as the Indian Cricket Fan..

Zaheer Khan and Munaf Patel were the stuff of folklore until the foolish Indian Fan saw them bowl.. Abey Kuruvilla, a six and a half foot giant came running out of a Mumbai suburb in Chembur, rumoured to be a tearaway and the stupid fan was washing his tears away after a few performances!!

Ishant threatened for a while before bowling a few off spinners to Pointing in today's match and he was so reminiscent of a certain Manoj Prabhakar bowling to the marauder from Matara in a match that has been etched so vividly in the Indian fan's physche..

So what is it that turns a decently fast medium bowler into a mediocre medium slow pacer after a few seasons.. Is it that the fame and adulation that follow the initial success bring out the true character in the few pacers that we have seen..

Is it complacency taking it's toll.. Everyone who plays the sport knows that unless practice is the norm the form that you display in the initial seasons will always erode.. I think it is both..

One look at Harbhajan and he, who couldn't speak a sentence in fluent English suddenly can deliver a sermon .. So where's the hard work going into.. Branding and image makeovers.. Dhoni the rustic bhaiiya sports a few bollywood friends and speaks lines like "done and dusted". He was so vile and ferocious when he came on to the scene.. the Jharkhand butcher is suddenly so suave and classy.. He smiles his million rupee smile for the lenses as he endorses hair cream, a budget bike etc etc.. Look at him play on the field.. the million horse power hits have suddenly been replaced by rough jabs to the ground which hardly look like match winning strokes he was famed for!.. Alright getting back to the bowlers..

2003 world cup had our bowlers in the top ten fastest deliveries in the tournament.. There was Nehra, Zaheer hitting the late one forties and things had never looked so rosy for the Indian fast bowling scene.. What happened after that?? Zaheer bowls in one thirties while Nehra is hardly there.. Munaf was the fastest Indian bowler on the scene!!! What a body language however??..Like a rose flower shedding pollen in the breeze.. Aaaarghh.. "Pansie" an American slang's the perfect match here. I wish Venketash prasad had that pace or for that matter Kumble!!

Looks like the fame and adulation don't keep the bowlers feet on the ground.. The nymphets and the late nights eat away at the talent and soon we have the "One" becoming an also ran.. Zaheer Khan had such an excellent Yorker.. he lost it.. people develop skills and talents as they become adept at whatever profession they are in. This basic trait is called progressiveness.. Indian cricket is one such institution where people are losing their basic specializations with time.. So Harbhajan after a decade in the sport doesn't know the right line along with Ishant who degenerates to a one thirty bowler.. The Surd's forgotten to bowl the doosra.. Murali develops a thousand variations.. Sardar loses the few he has..!!! Pakistan unearths a dozen pacers.. India buries the few it has!!!

I heard Kapil say on television that bowlers should not concentrate on bowling fast.. they should instead concentrate on swing and line.. Damn that is the kind of advice that is killing tearaways and turning Indian cricket into a pacers graveyard..

Look at the body language of the Indian bowlers.. It's like lambs fed to the Tigers.. they just accept their fate and meekly surrender.. show their teeth, let out a Sigh..Jut out their tongue in despair.. No fighting spirit.. I think it is all reserved for the bimbettes that they score at late nights..

So all the hatte khatte Punjabi fields never produced a fast bowler but I hear them brag about the studs that adorn their lands.. The Haryanvis also claim to be the strongest but apart from a lone airhead or two with a well chiseled body walking the ramp, rest of them are busy molesting women on the Delhi and Gurgaon roads.. The Southies are busy collecting fake Engineering certificates dreaming of writing crappy code for American companies looking for cheap labour.. The Maratha is busy promoting His Land or renaming every other landmark after a great king!

The bhaiyyas do what they do best..copulate. The Bengalis brag and they brag and they go on strike and so do the Mals.. There is however one Mallu who is from the fast bowling league but the mallu cause would be hurt owning him !! The gultis.. I don't have a clue what they do.. they had one specimen by the name Dodda ganesh.. need I say more!! The pavs are busy strutting their guitars and playing football after beer.. they are neither in football nor in cricket!!!

The Mullahs(no offence meant here) bowl but they fizzle out like coke in a hot afternoon.. see Zaheer, Munaf, Irfan etc.. mid twenties and they are already en route to the junkyard!!!

No wonder we don't have any fast bowlers..!!! Well I don't want to hurt any sentiments here but I fail to understand the reason we don't have a decent bowler in our catalogue!!!

One geniune pacer we've had was a masala dosa onion uttapa guy Javagal Srinath.. poor soul.. He never got his due!!

We need an empty head that doesn't care about the nymphets and the interviews and the swing and the endorsements.. We want a dumbf@ck who will keep running in ball after ball and let loose some lethal bouncers and yorkers!! A Malinga is so welcome in India right now..

A pacer breaking few bones and hitting timber regularily will warm quite a few Indian hearts!!!

On a lighter vein I suggest we castrate the next fast bowling sensation we unearth and ban him from the commercials.. We adequately compensate him, offering him unheard of monetary incentives..

A team headed towards number one seems so hollow without a decent pacer and we have to rely on the R.Ps the Ishants and Nehras to salvage some pride.. This is so disheartening and embarrassing for a true blooded Indian fan! Watching Ishant and PraveenKumar (A specialist bowler) bowl off a few steps at hardly over hundred kilometers is so disheartening!!!!

Anyways my cribs and complaints serve no purpose!!!! I guess we will just have to live with this incompetence!!!!!

those were the days!!!

2009-09-18T05:04:00.000-07:00

A really really sick PJ..

This is when i was chatting all while working my 9.5 hours in the office.. Damn I'm overworked ;)

The transcript are as follows

me: kya be?

kaisa hai

prranade: im fine

tu bata

me: tu carona

ha ha

sad joke

prranade: i like that

reminds me of college days

And we were nostalgic.. *the font in the post fluctuating wildly* ...must be the electromagnetic interference from the magnetic storm.. over and out.. zoom away!!! As the spacecraft zooms through the void at maddening speeds through the gazillion light years of deep space through space warps bending space-time, Jitesh and his long time college buddy immersed in books dealing with Project Management look out and see the watered down joint, they used to frequent , order a few drinks to celebrate those KTs and all clears.. They cracked some sick ones.. PJ's flowed thick and fast, loud and clear.. the harmless words and the loud laughters have now been replaced by undecipherable but imposed management jargons .The loud laughter just a formal chuckle imbibed by years of forced laughter at silly meetings attended by pea brained techies and individual having egos of gargantuan proportions..

Ahhh those were the days.. as the new age space radio plays a much familiar song from a yesteryear cinema

door gagan ke chao mein.. "Koi lauta do mere beete hue din"......Sigghhhhhhhh!!!

Blah 2

2009-09-12T03:53:00.001-07:00

I was listening to this live version of Yellow by Cold Play.. and he was interacting with the audience and explaining them the reason why the song came to be known Yellow..

The first few lines of the song , he says were like they are now.

"Look at the stars how they shine for you, all the things you do".. and he went on to explain that how the song was missing a word and he saw the yellow pages and he added the last line "they were all yellow"..

"Thank god it was the yellow Pages" said he..

and then maybe, this was rehearsed but i would think of this as impromptu and he said, In an alternative world this song would be called Playboy..

Now that's what is good humour.. Darn if I could crack jokes like these.. instead of the stupid repeated ones.. Hmm my memory's flailing and i can't even remember what jokes to crack now n then!!!! Damn I hate ageing... then who doesn't??!!!

Blah 1

2009-09-10T01:27:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was watching this news channel called India TV(or so it was!!!) and the topic was Mahatma Gandhi.. Proponents or Fans of Gandhi being none other than our frendly neighbourhood President Obama..

Apparently one guy he'd like to have dinner with is our Bapu. He thinks it would be a small and frugal meal that he would share with the Mahatma.. This received so much Air and coverage on all the news channels. I wonder why do we have so much fascination for anything American.. I wonder if sometimes we are ruled only by the celluloid.. If say, Hollywood was in UK I think we would be in awe of the Brits and not the Yanks, as is now!!

Coming back, The compere or the host was speaking about the list of celebrities who publicly endorse Gandhi.. So he named apna Nelson (not the score when Dickie starts hopping..), apna Einstien and a couple of other not so obscure celebrities... So while introducing Einstien (yeah yeah he needs none!!) he credited the great man to be the discoverer of Photoelectric effect and Gravity.. Woaah.. history redefined here.. Gravity and Einstien!!!

So a super blooper, Mr news reader.. It would have looked okay coming out of Rakhi Sawant, but I doubt the Canadian must be improving her G.K after the nightly exercises if he's getting any (he is damn unlucky if he's getting it.. Har Har!).. so i doubt if she'll commit this harakiri on T.V.

Factual inconsistencies were galore in almost all the media channels I was browsing through.. It was really amusing and felt like a reality show..No wonder Dad needed his dose of the daily news.

Then there was this programme on Mtv about Indian Rock and this guy was ashamed to play Hindi songs on his guitar and remarked it was beyond him, to which Nikhil Chinappa rightly retorted about the contestant having a chip on his shoulder about Indian music.. Gosh these idiots, I know so many of them..

So many who despise Bollywood, Cricket and idolise the idiots playing in EPL..anyways coming back again.. then i watched this advertisement about sensible journalism.. Now this was a news channel showing the commercial and it was about a journalist asking a widow , How she felt about losing her husband to counterfiet medicines.. and her cameraman whacks her for such a stupid question.. the irony of the situation was not lost on me or my friend..

Anyways my friend later on switched on a few shows, and all of them were Reality shows.. So my assumption that reality shows were dead were rudely jolted..

So people love to watch reality, or a distorted and sensationalized version of it..

Post.. imcompleto... but running outta patiencio...ciao..adieu!!!I

Yellow!!! Bluee!!!!

2009-08-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

Yellow...

I thought that was my favourite colour for a long time.. but I made up my mind that it's gotta be blue.. I don't know what affect yellow has on me, but soothes me, blue does. It's tranquil and peaceful unlike the bright yellow..

Bright yellow however gets me in the mood.. It stands for aggression.. I see yellow and I'm reminded of the Lion.. The yellow mane, ochre body, this thing is all yellow..That also being my zodiac tilted me heavlity in favour of the colour.. Ochre and the chromes dominated most of the early sketches and paintings that i attempted.. I am a bad artist, mind you! But I needed a hobby and painting or sketching came very naturally to me.. It was quick and unlike other hobbies, needed very little time investing.!

Anyways.. Wikipedia even has a page dedicated to shades of yellow..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template_talk:Shades_of_yellow

So early childhood and younger formative years in college had me all rooting for yellow..

But as I jumped into the corporate bandwagon and started earning money.. I found myself buying stuff in blue and black.. All my T-shirts were a shade of blue.. yellow surprisingly was missing from my wardrobe.. Blue was sober.. Yellow was Amir Khan in Rangila (Ohh can anyone forget his jazzy yellow shirt that he wears on his "Happy Borthday"!)

So a few weeks ago after a lot of introspecting, I thought that maybe a shift in loyalities is due and I want to declare Blue my favourite colour.. maybe I would like to delay this.. let me put some more thought into Yellow.. It's an underrated colour.. Hmmm Hmmm..

Blue Blue Chaddi flew was like a primary school rhyme that all the kids in my building (including me) sang to tease anyone belonging to theBlue House (Now House being a division that our school convenienly put us kids in, to instill competeitive spirits during the annual sport meets)

Blue being my siblings colour of choice had me stacked against it..

Anyways to just put it straight without any complications this is not about the colour as much as it is about deciding what is right and what is wrong.. so I lived under the impression that this was what I liked for a very long time.. long enough for some pets to live thier lifetime..(except maybe a neighbourhood Cat.. I swear i think i have seen a cat since my childhood.. and it died many times (maybe it's just another feline but i would like to think not!).. It just pops back again, like a code running under a watchdog... excuse the techncial diversion here. Now who was the other big guy who had a resurrection!!! the guy with long hair and the good looks.Scratch scratch [it's my head and nothing else that I'm scratching]..Anyways maybe we are living in a simulated world by the machines and I saw a Deja Vu..Agent X.. woaahhh .. woaahhh a silly detour again.. figment of my now not so hyperactive imagination. Okay the brackets need to be another post!!!)

And then one fine day I decided Hmmm.. maybe I like the other colour better!!!

See how Life's perspective changes as we change gears in life.. so many things i thought were very wrong and unethical have just become a rather mundane chore.. So many concepts and rules i abided and lived my life by, have just been blown away like pollen by a strong breeze and so many new ones instilled..

Such is life (A friend of mine, who is a crazy Sachin fan has his gtalk tagline as Sach is Life.. silly guy..Ha Ha).. I was reading a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip online and I came across this line in one of the installments...

"Life is never so bad that it can't get worse".. Super line I thought... caters perfectly to the pessimists as well as the hopeful few.

Anyways How this as food for thought!!!

When do we know that we have learned to live life properly?!

When do we start writing the rules in our book about life..

Anyways that's it for now as I pull the plug on this one.. Pffftt...

Drop in the Ocean!!!

2009-08-19T05:33:00.000-07:00

I see my friend throw an empty cigarette pack.. We are walking on the Mumbai roads at midnight.. "It's not as clean as the roads in some of the small towns in Massachusetts" says He.. He proceeds to throw away the chewing gum wrappers and other useless paraphernalia that he's collected during the course of the day. We have roamed the day on the dirty, sweaty Mumbai roads.

I wince and ask him if he would have thrown that same pack of cigarettes by the roadside in his small town in MA? He replies "Are you crazy man? They will fine me dollars.."

He's righty right about this one folks eh!

So, I ask him Why did he throw here?

He: It's just a drop in the ocean My friend.. Look at the dirt around? What difference does the Cigarrete pack make admist the rubble that the citizens of Mumbai sprew on the uneven landscape?

Hmm I keep quiet.. Now's not the time to argue.. Coming from the states he is the intellectual and I, the lowly.

wonderful logic!!!

"It's but a drop in the ocean!!!!"

Help me understand the intellectual!

A forward

2009-06-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

This is not my post.. I got a forward from a friend and winced in despair at the cynicism in the post which was so true! Here's the joke/forward that I got... Although it was funny it reflected the current state of affairs prevailing in our country. The state of affairs that no one wants to change and has come to accept with our customary apathy we have cultivated for ages. Many want to quit living in this place and want to go away to faraway places where they are treated as second class citizens. Many will accept being shunned and be addressed in derogatory terms but will still hold their heads high when referring to the lives they lead. But few will try to stem the rot which is slowly eating away at the edges of this place called India. We have so much potential and why we fail to achieve it is beyond my understanding!

Anyways the joke is as below..

As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "

"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government' . That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next

Generation', understand?" .

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"

Dzire!!!

2009-05-21T01:43:00.000-07:00

Why do i desire the things that will be no good once i have it?

Why do i desire something worse than what i already have?

Why do i desire something that others have when they desire something else?

Why do i desire the luxuries that others who are less happier the me, have?

Why do i desire to be the cynosure of all eyes, eyes that wait for the same to them?

Why do i desire a better life when others desire mine?

Why do i desire to be in a place where i would be a total outsider?

Why do i desire to be the best when it's only a benchmark?

Why do i desire the riches when people in ditches are happier?

Why do i desire to write a post when i'm out of ideas!!!!

Goofy!!!

2009-05-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Damn, A major goofup today.. aren't people today impatient!! Well,that would be for another post..!!Anyways I met this friend today after a long time online i.e.. We never had common topics, struggling always past a Hi and Bye. So as per the routine I dropped in a polite Hi and a Who are you doin? Ha Ha.. Man wasn't this funny.. It was supposed to be "How" and a typo changed the entire tone of the question. From a polite and a cliched, almost routine query it become a strong and a vulgar question.. Just a typo.. but it set the mood for the conversation that ensued.. I offered my apologies immediately and she took it well.We laughed for a while and suddely the topics flowed...

Funny...!!!!

Google googly

2009-05-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

I opened up my favorite site, which for a techie will invariably be google and was going to type in an image search for Veritas. The moment I typed in "V" the auto-complete/drop-down published the most searched lists beginning with the letter V and Vida Guerra(drool, slurp..) stood second. Typed K and Kim kadarshain stared me in the eye, J and presto a Jessica Alba stood first.. Mama Mia.. So while a "B" brought me Britney , P got me Pamela and M a Miley Cyrus.. Hmm tells me something about this world in general.. first of all most Internet surfers are guys, or at least google's used by guys mostly or so is what I've concluded.. Second I thought it was a fallacy to assume guys have sex as the topmost priority.. man this proved me wrong Well we do think with our D@cks and not with something in the cranium..So a 'J' didn't get me Julia Roberts (Ya she's an aunt, i know but the bimbettes and the sex symbols always topped the searches..) I also read sometimes ago that Katrina was amongst the most searched woman on the net, but type a K and it was the Hollywood starlet/socialite Kim that topped the list.. Anyways I think the ladies stick to Facebook best and guys have ummm.. other interests and priorities..

Anyways and I did go and check out a few pics of Kim and Vida.. steroid for the brain.. and Veritas was abandoned for some other time..

IPL

2009-04-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

Did the IPL come to life or what? All the glitz and glamour surrounding the first IPL seemed missing.. a few busty and buxom blonde's don't make for interesting Viewing.. Camera panning on stands filled with people became a pain as it became apparent how empty some portions were, when the balls were hit to these parts. Compare this to the traffic jams and mad crowds last year in India and you'll know where Mr Modi went wrong. I think he wanted to show the politicos that he could create a successful IPL anywhere.. Overconfidence and he fell face down aggravating his already prominent lisp that he speaks with.. Poor guy is aging faster than Obama!! Unlike the first installment the first match fizzled away and sunk without a trace. Shilpa Shetty provided the glamour quotient with her sibling.. "Err what's her name" Shetty. But fully clothed she was as useless as Sachin tendulakar would've been in a Karan Johar movie. Off with the clothes i say!!!

Some audacious shot play, some mediocre gamesmanship, un-energetic crowd intermingled with the showers playing the dampener (literally) was making IPL quite a mediocre watch.. There was a buzz alright this time too but it was a whimper compared to the euphoria last year.

While Mandira toned her body to scrumptiousness, she was surprisingly lack lustre and was groping for words in the dark on air.. maybe the nights were too hot to handle leaving her speechless when the camera was on her..

Shilpa looked at the audience, looking for the next Bollywood nymphet (A stupid contest).. Hmm i wonder the specs she was looking for? I'm sure the potential would be screen tested by some of the colourful players and personalities present.. They were looking for meat.. Voyeurism peaking here..

While all this was taking place, something else happened.. A mystery blogger or a super publicity stunt brought to life the black and white IPL.. A blog ignited the passion into the game stiffled by an uninspiring venue and some lackadaisical cricket..

Apparently an anonymous player(sic, of course he is a player in sixteen but he's got a secret mission and identity) from the ranks of KKR blogs about the happenings at the IPL. He's talking about a lot of things with a little bit of cricketing perspective thrown in as well.. This is behind the screen stuff that get's Page 3 all it's popularity and readership. He talks about the off field exploits of many players and officials and it is daaaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn funny. Didn know an Indian player would ever write like this.. From nicknames to the sleazy details he's making the IPl interesting which outdoes the efforts of many a PR agent hired to do the job, the chutzpah of SRK and the appeal of the ageing ladies (Zinta and Shetties.. well they are getting old!!!).

So while Gandungly becomes Lordie.. StreeShanth is the amazingly funny Chutiya Appam.. Yuckraj is Prince of Patiala, Hurbujun become Meerabai ( Ha Ha).. Sachin Little Monster (spare him please..).. Shastri is Kishen Kahnaiya.. So while the KIngfisher daredevils are Bewdaas, Zinta is Babli.. Bret Lee who's supposedly having a good time with her is BubLee.. The pet names he comes up for players is amazing and his fan base is incresing exponentially as each game and post progress.. And last not the least my pet Peeve SRK is dildo and Buchanan is Bhukha Naan..Ha Ha beat it Shoba De.. i challenge you!!!!

So while IPL might still catch on as the interest number one in our Poll afflicted(it's a disease our democracy) country.. it(the blog) is making it even more interesting.. I'm infact waiting more desperately for the next post than the next close IPL match(Yaaaaawwwwnnnn).. So Guys if you still havent whiffed this latest craze get you quota of fun here.

Adious for now.. gotta get back to wok.. Internet's banned here!!! Ha Ha ;)

Nonsense

2009-04-23T03:11:00.000-07:00

How many times have we all looked back in the past and said maybe i should have done that some other way.. Well I have cribbed about this a lot in my writings(Ha Ha.. can I call whatever I dish, as writings??). It dawned on me one unfortunate day as my blog proclaims, well I'm just another face in the crowd.. So shouldn't I be doing something about it? Well I thought long and hard.. i thought from my perspective and some of the others that my friends offered me freely after, maybe a glass of beer or during some of the philosophical discussions that always ensue a solemn occasion. I read some books suggested by the wise and the sober. I watched some really meaningful movies (Aren't movies too, a way of propagating your thoughts and your views). I delved within myself and looked for some answers from my soul.. (Wow.. deep ain't it?). I read some blogs of the supposedly mature people.. I got some advice from my popsy who is always ready with a lengthy discourse.. I wonder do these oldies practise while everyone sleep about their preachings.

Anyways I've been thinking for some time now and I still haven't figures out the answers to many of the questions that my chaotic life has thrown at me.. Life they say teaches you stuff.. but then what's school then.. Hm, retrospecting, the rules of life would've seemed to be as useless as the laws of Newton and the countless other equations that gave me nightmares.. Freddy came a close second.. But then unlike the equations they would have held me in good stead now..

Hmmm.. Hmmm .. Hmmm.. Okay enough I close my case and the post!!!!

Music cometh to the resue!!!

2009-02-10T04:31:00.000-08:00

Listening to the Pod had become a task mundane like the rest of the chores which I did so mechanically everyday.. Listening to Maiden, Metallica, Pink Floyd had become a routine so hard bound in my life that it became an excuse to not enjoy the occasional blisses like a potential conversation with the pretty girl that sat next to me in the bus. Talk about laziness depriving you of the simple pleasures in life.. there are many other chores that i ignore because of the music habit, always ignorant of the things that happen around me. The conversation was just one of the many things that i miss ...,Well you get the picture don't you? Other stupid idiosyncrasies like watching a stupid flick on HBO while i should have been slogging it out at the gym (Chicks in skimpy exercising outfits do give my eyes that much needed exercise as well..He He, Yeah yeah I'm a pervert!!!And yeah I paid for a full years subscription and exercised just twice.. All the instructors just guffawed when i walked in to renew my subscription..they mockingly reminded me about the malnourished kids from some country like Somalia, while i was blowing up my hard earned money for a lost cause..well it sure does look like a lost cause ).. I was hooked to (a) silly habit(s), addiction(s) that deprived me of the better things in life.. Like a smoke seemed more reasonable in stress than a nice fruit juice.. How on Saturdays i couldn't think beyond the trip to the mall or to my favourite Pub.. (But are there any more avenues to have some serious fun during your off days other than a movie, a drink or a stupid drab mall? My friend Sing and Ling will disgree and will suggest in unison "Women".. But that is for some other post!!)

But Music has rescued me from the monotony of life.. Repetitiveness in music however was frustrating me.. Why did it always have to be Maiden, Floyd, Metallica,Purple,Scorpions, and the other firangs??.. And then Rehman came to rescue.. so did an unknown name Amit Trivedi with two (can make that three, Delhi 6 also has some catchy and foot tapping numbers) .. Dev D and Slum dog has resuscitated me for the time being.. So while I devour Rehman and Trivedi and hope that till I get bored of them, some of my friends suggest me other avenues of having fun to get rid of this boreedom that afflicts the youth in a big way.. (I don't know if i belong to the demograph of youth anyways..)

And Sing and Ling.. No Women please..

Emotional Atyachar!!!

2009-01-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

This stage of my life, I have nothing but emotional atyachar thrown at me all the time. Be it my Project leader, my friends, family, near n dear ones etc..

The problem when you become the king of the pride(Moi from a family with male Leos) is you risk offending everyone around you for the slightest hint of aggression verbally i.e. The words that were so unoffensive suddenly reek of malice and indignation to everyone. With great power comes great responsibility, or so I heard somewhere.. man i don't have any powers yet but these so called social responsibilities shoved down my throat a dime a dozen..

So the minor altercation takes becomes a heated argument in no time and I'm reminded of my false pride and inflated ego in the blink of an eyelid etc..

Emotional Atyachar eh?!

Ya that's what life is.. not something i dreamt about it being as a dreamy fresh college pass out..

Ya and the song from Dev D is proving to be a big hit. The brass band has such a Northerly feel to it.. Feels like a wedding band version right out of the streets of some rustic town from the north.. I can already visualize drunks dancing to the beats at a wedding.. Man are the girls in for some bantering from their guys?!

The rock version is out of this world and needs to be heard and recited by every guy in pain, the reason of the pain being women!!! The song is awesome with mindblowing vocals.. How I wish i could scream that way.. Anyways time to go back to my mundane existance filled with days of nonsensical responbilities and weekends of lazy dallying in my bedrooms reading more and more of the trivial!!!!

2009-01-02T03:47:00.000-08:00

"Where are the champions of civil rights and liberties? Why are they silent when innocent, unarmed Muslims are killed in hundreds by Israel?" Shouts a Kashmiri protesting the bombing of Gaza by Israel.

Rajnikant fasts protesting the killing of innocents in Sri Lanka.

I don't know which emotion i should express at this! Should I just laugh it off, should i feel aggrieved, should I feel sad, should feel as i was feeling before..frustrated and confused!!

I remember how people spilled on the streets to protest US attack of Iraq.

Sometimes we forget the demarcation of what's ours and what's not! Mumbai happens and Antulay questions the whole attack probably suggesting it was Advani and Thackeray that killed the now martyred Hemant Karkare. People are more concerned what happens in other countries. They'd rather consider people from some remote country they know nothing about to be thier brother, all on the basis of an ancient scripture and common beliefs. They'd rather care about people they don't know about, people whose culture, actions, nature etc, they are ignorant about. They'd rather fight for them than for their next door neighbour. All because they read a common book written eons ago..

I was expecting protest all this while and was surprised at the delayed reaction. I think it was overdue a few days ago.. Anyways this justifies my disgust at the Indian populace where religion, Territorial, regional considerations matter far more than the rationale of the sane mind..

My colleague says I'll go to hell if I don't go to the places of worship and beg for forgiveness and pray to the almighty..

All logic takes a back seat when i ask him if a person prays five time a day and yields a gun in between, would he still attain salvation, heaven etc? Whereas a bemused me, who doesn't bother going to the places where these books are read, heads kneel to the almighty, would land in a place with fires raging , boiling liquids etc..

I mean we work on the latest technologies and still believe in the concept of heaven and hell.. wouldn't the almighty have the common sense to judge us by the deeds done rather than the recital of hymns, chanting of verses, kneeling of the heads to the east.. Would killing in the name of the almighty be justified in his eyes ..Wouldn't bearing thoughts of hatred amount to sinning as well.. Wouldn't the very thought of harming a living being be enough to guarantee a place in hell!

Love thy neighbour they say.. When will we rise above the petty differences and realize the only way to a peaceful living is stop caring about what goes on outside and concentrate on what's wrong in the house?!

Why can't we people stop worrying about others and just concentrate about ourselves.. be a little selfish.. develop our own character and stop thinking on the basis of just some stupid outdated scriptures.. personally I wouldn't believe it if someone told me he needed religion to become a better person and lead a better life. Why do we need books to find out the purpose of life when there is none!! Anyone who disagrees with this, please offer me an explanation and I'd be highly obliged..

Anyways religion is a sensitive and i am sure I'm offending a lot of sentiments and sensibilities with this post. I had some free time to add to the net traffic and dump some more junk on the databases existing in cyberspace! I think I am bored and will quit here... Adieu..

Guns, Grenades..What next?!

2008-11-27T17:21:00.000-08:00

All right, now Mumbai and India, what do we do? We are a nation of resilient people.. We can let people who read a very very very very old scripture (My friend says life has a purpose and it says how to lead your life, I see how!!), bow their head to the east five times a day come again and again and strike us repeatedly, instill fear in our hearts, create disharmony, blowing up bit by bit this institution they call India. The politicians say nothing should dampen the spirits of us Indians. That Foreign nation says we can't blame them without adequate proof..So we get back to our feet again, board the same buses and trains and just wait for our time to go out with a bang at the hands of these fanatics.. I was watching the news and I heard a lot of experts giving their views of how India should spring back from this disaster. Hogwash I say and All I think, we need is the blue pill made by that pharmaceutical company, Pfizer. We Indians suffer from a condition called Erectile dysfunction, particularly the potbellied, half literate ones, khadi clad bastards at the helm.

When something like this happens shouldn't we be going to the stupid nation and f*ck@ng them? This is not that Foreign versus Hindus like a lot people think..it's a stupid ideology against an Idea that's India. So all the people going to churches, gurudwaras, synagogues and other institutions, note you need the pill too. Hate crimes happen in US all the time and I feel India is very passive, bar a few minor incidents here and there. In the US or that foreign nation, if a minority does this , will the reaction be the same?!!! So if the Muslims feel undone and discriminated against; blame your own ilk and the book!!! None of the nations are as tolerant as India has been over the ages, taking shit from everyone that have come via Sea, Land..and we see the same in 21st century as well.. What's the term "Deja Vu"..yeah it's that feeling gain. The sad part is it is always the majority population that has to feel apologetic about every damn incident that happens!! I'm just getting tired of everything...

What doctrine makes people become human bombs, murder and blow up places that have no connections to "the" Holy War.. Probably a promise of going to heaven and finding virgins.. So what does that tell you about these bunch of these trigger happy idiots.. Desperation, Repressed sexual desires (Damn I am being crude..but resilient I'm trying to be!!!) and of course lack of gray cells in the cranium.. Ban the veil and I'm sure these guys will find life worthwhile and not resort to such things for..I'm out of words..maybe the Adrenalin rush(I'm sure these idiots do this for exactly that purpose).

There's a difference in being resilient and a Pansie. I guess we Indians belong to the latter. Let's not worry about the vote bank..people having a problem with out potency should be shipped to Kashmir and we grant the territory Independence or give it to that Foreign nation, Manmohan Singh in his damp monotonic tone referenced in his speech(He needs the pill every minute!! Can this guy rev up people?. Shouldn't people look up to leaders for hope? Do any of these idiots give us any hope?). Let those bastards be a part of that shitty nation. They don't deserve to be a part of this nation anyways. So if at all US needs to help us, Ship us those containers filled with the blue Drug.. Time has come to stop being impotent and sending these guys where they rightfully belong "To Heaven with the Virgins"!!!!

I am just referring to the enemy as that Foreign nation till I collect evidence and proof to satisfy some people :8!!!

And I'm sick of these words Jihad(editor missed out before the first copy of the book I guess!!) and Mujahideen!!!

Just Blah!!!!

2008-09-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sing: kya re
me: bolo sire
Sing: ladki ka phone aaya tha
me: arre ladki ka phone aaya tha
ha ha
Sing: hahaha
me: my fuckin god!!!!!
#############################
Transcript of my chat with a friend about another friend, we lovingly call "the ladki". Funny how when someone says the exact same words you are about to say!!! The other friend is sure to read this and sure will not see any humour in it.. But it almost killed the both of us when we said it..

Anyways me and my friend were discussing about the Gen X and their burning desires and ambitions. To say we weren't ambitious would not be true, but I find the ratio of people with burning fires and the raging desires to conquer and rule on a rather larger scale than us ex gen exes!!!!

While our rather inhibited ambitions were complimented with lackadaisical attitude (Well not the most of us were that way, but most did have this mindset, that we have limitations), the current breed just has a killer instinct and a sense of confidence, rare in our days.. Most of them have the same fashion sense, which is a marked improvement from our behenji times and most have the burning desire to be in as many relationships till they reach the threshold age.. Then they settle down with the spouses chosen by thier 1960 modelled parents!!! Nice , real nice.. Most want to be a leader in a timespan which sees babies developing thier milk tooths. And most want a starting packages rivalling thier dads retirement package. No wonder I see a lot of them depressed and burning out by the time we ex's were just getting out feet wet in the industry..

If only the poor things realize that nobody in this f@$king cruel world is indisposable!!! What you can do, some other can do.. maybe not with the same panache or razzmatazz that you bring, but who the heck gives a damn for the gold plating that you bring to this world. A report is all that matters, rest is all gibberish fed by the sly pot belied manager at the helm, to the poor unsuspecting clients.. But the confidence, these guys bring to the table certainly liven up the proceeds!!!

But when all the Harvards and all the Oxfords could not put the proverbial Humpty Dumpty aka Lehman back on the wall again, it sure does send a message across doesn't it? So size yourself up well and get em guys.. There's no stopping you!!!!

some fancy quotes from sa(e)x n the city!!!

2008-06-27T02:15:00.000-07:00

I was just doing some random browsing and I came across this site that had these quotes from one of my favourite series i.e. Sex and the City.. Yeah yeah I admit I watched quite a few episodes when I was all alone in the U.S of A.. Intelligent show, quite in contrast to what I'd expected, given the bold title.. "No sex we are Indians".. (The Micheal Jackson song In the Closet buzzes in my mind..I haven't seen bigger perverts and pseudos than us Indians!!But we are the lovable, affable ones!!)

And Yeah One more confession to make..I admit I endured a few shows of Kyunki.. It was an endurance test and I survived under duress (Na not Durex..!!).. Sometimes to grow up you need to experience pain and this was the extreme kind.. the kinds that creates John Rambo's.. "Mah name's Rambo..." I roared in the aftermaths of Kyunki.. Why do people waste precious chemicals in Marco analysis to make ppl shed inhibitions and speak the truth, why do police have cells specialized for third degree??!! Chinese torture, the gas chambers, the neurotoxin, tear gas.. they will all be rendered obsolete by this series called Kyunki.. Yeah I say,.. I saw it and am immune to mental torture of the severe kinds. One more confession... On second thoughts.. I'll keep my Pandora's box to myself.. Other confessions need the confines of an Udipi bar with it's noisy din and intoxicated friends who'll recollect nothing of the conversation after 8-9 pegs..

Anyways here are the list of quotes from the sex!!!!

No matter how far you travel or how much you run from it, can you ever really escape your past?
Becky Hartman Edwards and Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, Escape from New York, 2000
It’s very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes.
Terri Minsky, Sex and the City, The Baby Shower, 1998
Maybe coming clean is the ultimate selfish act. A way to absolve yourself by hurting someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt.
Cindy Chupack, Sex and the City, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, 2000
I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, Take Me Out To The Ballgame, 1999
When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep on walking.
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, The Real Me, 2001
The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City
That’s the thing about needs. Sometimes, when you get them met, you don’t need them anymore.
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, The Good Fight, 2002
I admit it’s tempting to wish for the perfect boss, or the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit, but maybe the best any of us can do is not quit. Play the hand we’ve been given and accessorize the outfit we’ve got.
Allan Heinberg, Sex and the City, A ‘Vogue’ Idea, 2002
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps, if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love or have babies or be who we are. Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, I Heart NY, 2002
Seasons change, so do cities. People come into your life and people go, but it’s comforting to know: the ones you love are always in your heart and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away. Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, I Heart NY, 2002
That’s the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like.
Cindy Chupack, Sex and the City, Plus One Is The Loneliest Number, 2002
There’s some things that people don’t admit because they don’t like the way it sounds.
Cindy Chupack, Sex and the City, Plus One Is The Loneliest Number, 2002
The fact is, sometimes it’s hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.
Jenny Bicks, Sex and the City, A Woman’s Right To Shoes, 2003
I don’t wear a watch. How do I know my time? I find that someone will always tell me.
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, One, 2003
Nothing else exists when art does.
Michael Patrick King, Sex and the City, An American Girl in Paris: Part Deux, 2004
You can’t surprise a man with a dog.
Cindy Chupack, Sex and the City, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,

Che vs Gandhi!!!!!

2008-06-01T01:53:00.001-07:00

A bitmap drawn in three minutes in the most rudimentary tool i.e. Mspaint

Come Saturday and I crawled out of bed.. A few extremely tedious hours later of just lazing around and practically doing nothing, I dragged myself down to the
tapri, just to refresh.
The tapri had lost it's significance in my life since I no longer smoked. The tapri guy lost one loyal customer and I invited bemused looks from him. Here's a customer who would consume three cigarettes while on the phone, now just eating peanuts. But he gave me a cunning smile as he had seen this routine all too often to realize the futility of the exercise called Quitting the Butt.. Once a Smoker, always one.. Yeah I smoked a fag yesterday. The music and lights got the better of me again.
Anyways while I was at the tapri a slightly plump cute woman gets out of a rickshaw stopped by the tapri, for a purpose,.. She wants half a dozen classic milds. Now I get an eye contact and we give each other a smile which begins as it ends. A quickie.. She's wearing a black Tee with a red poster of Che Guevera.. I raise my eye brow and ask the woman whys she wearing it? Does he inspire her? Is she fighting a war(personal, social etc etc..), I mean what symbolics is that? She just shrugs her shoulder and says she's wearing it because it looks good. Eh.. A perfectly acceptable reply and I just stop my argument short!!!.. She lights up her cigarette and we wave each other a quickie Bye, as she gets into her rickshaw and leaves.
The tapri guy gives me a wry smile.. Aaj kal ke naujawan..he mutters under his breath..
I come back home, switching on my PC. Bally ho has a Che Guevera as his gtalk image.. Second sighting of Che on a slow drawly Saturday.. Sam has sent me a mail of a bombshell called Vida Guerra (Latino hottie, one look and I could clean my floor with my tongue and drool!!!).

I take a short nap.. 4 PM and I want to feel the fresh air again.. I go and buy a tetra pack of my favourite Orange juice in my Iron maiden Tee and shorts which is very convenient when you want to scratch an itch on your thighs.(Yo, my wounds from an accident healing becoming itchy!!).. A plump woman again in a black Tee.. A black and red image of Che stares at me again.. Intrigue.. Is it a sign?.. My third sighting of Che.. Are the stars trying to pass on a message.. Plump women and Bally flashing me Che's...

Eight P.M. and I am at my friendly neighborhood Pub doing what i do best! There was my final sighting, A plump woman with Che, not on her black Tee fortunately, but on her handbag!!! I am feeling all worked up and rebellious now. A few hours later we have just paid out bills, heading for the exit of the Pub.. While moving out, one more symbol flashes on my face from a Tee on a plump woman again.. A Gandhi in Black and White.. Contrasts..
I wonder is it a sign or just too many co-incidences.. Not that the Saturday events made too much sense for me, but Gandhi at the end of four Che's was quite a climax to a situation i was trying to build out of random sightings of an Argentinian Marxist revolutionary.

IPL

2008-05-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Our Breakfast time discussions at the table today: Cricket figures so abundantly in all men discussions..

Y: Shahrukh wanted Saurav to field first in the match against Chennai and Saurav refused.
V: Yeah, KKR sucks man.. Only time he fielded diligently was for Nagma...
Z: Dogma, Sigma?? what??who??
V: Uncle not your domain.. you stick to the Pragma's in the code..

Y: Shahrukh wanted Saurav to talk to buddhadeb about the entertainment tax waiver. Saurav didn't entertain him :P.
V: Yeah KKR sucks man...

Y: Shahrukh smoked five cigarettes watching his team getting sodomized against Mumbai
V: Yeah KKR sucks man..

Y:Shahrukh has invoked the ire of Ramadoss for his smoking in public. Apparently Ramadoss wants Shahrukh to suck on Popsicles and drink soda pop in the movies and public. He may also want Shahrukh to stop pimping that lovely shuttler lass.. It is setting a wrong example for our naive and innocent youth..this smoking, drinking and pimping..
V: Yeah KKR sucks man..

Y: And when his team isn't doing well, ShahRukh also has to deal with digs from his midgety petty competition about him being no 2 in Bollywood and about a canine sharing the same name as him. And the diminutive guy also speaks about Shahrukh a dog eating biscuits fed by him and licking his feet. How much effrontery can anyone take man?
V: But KKR sucks man..
Y: Shoaib's not playing and this upset Shahrukh..
V: Arrghh, they suck the KKR..
Y: Not all's well between Shahrukh and Saurav..
V: Buddy aren't Shahrukh and a certain Mr Johar lovers? What's Saurav doing in the equation..
Y: Grrrrr..
Z: Johar who?
Y&V: Uncle, concenterate on your coffee!!!
Y: Shahrukh apparently spent 3 crore on Khali for cheering his team and a treat for his kids. His gay partner was apparently the most excited kid on the block!!!
V: Yeah, KKR sucks man

Y: Shahrukh spent 75 million $ as the franchisee fee. Man everything he touches turns to gold.

V: But KKR showed he's human and KKR sucks..Mallya got his effervescent butt kicked, all that beer money down the drain!!! Charu and Dravid sure did fuck his brand name and image. Don't these demi gods look more human now?

Me: Deep buddy deep, remember however it's the spirit from the breweries of mallya that's enlightened you..

V: Ya Shahrukh got his butt kicked too.. He was blowing air kisses when Dada n gang were brutalized by Jaisurya and Co..

Y: I get your point fucker..

V: (Beams..) KKR SUCKS man...

Y: (Middle finger!!)

An exasperated me: So Y, what do you have to say about David Hussey?

Y: Micheal Hussey right, who plays for KKR?

Me: (Rolling my eyes) Na Micheal Hussey's the elder one and he's the biggie, the Goliath, The younger one's David and he plays for your dear Shahrukh..

Y: Ohhhh... Anyways I'm sick of cricket.. Nobody seems to following much of it anyways

Me: Ya you should maybe try watching Set Max at 8:00 in the evening. That's when they show Cricket..

Y: Oh, Then what do they show on Aajtak and Star News ?

Me: Mmmmmm.. OK (No comments!!!)

Fresher: Ya man, IPL sucks.. We should all watch EPL.. Chelsea, ManU, Arsenal yap..yap.. yakkety yak... yapp yapp..(He goes on and on for a good 15 minutes and some other freshers listen with rapt attention, while oldies like moi and a few others just scratch our armpits, dig our noses etc etc..)

Me:( mumbling under my breath) Wannabes.. The world's so full of them..

(Disclaimer: These are the views of a buzurk Indian, maybe I'm the one who's obselete, but a wannabe I'm not)

Fresher: I beg your pardon

Me: Na there's a fly in my soup..

Fresher: Ya they should do something about the hygiene in this canteen. We should learn a thing or two from the Yanks and the Chinks..

Me: Yeah , Sure thingy buddy.. Alright guys I've got a meeting to catch.. Lunch time we talk again on Cricket..

Y: Yeah man ShahRukh... (V interrupts and shouts "KKR SUCKS".. Y grumbles some obscenities under his breath and we all move on, checking out the one or two good looking faces from a crowd of 6 thousand, yeah nice ratio right!!!)

So Cricket dominated our breakfast discussions.. And I'm always glad when Cricket's the winner..Till Lunch time as I wait for some more scoop on Shahrukh n co..

I end this post here..Bye!!!!

Crib ..crib!!!!!!

2008-05-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

OK...Today's a smoke free day for me, means that I go without my best friend of six years for the rest of the day.. Early morning and the craving for a smoke spurs up my discomfort and as I struggle to concentrate, I realize the best way is to concentrate elsewhere. Now this is something, easier said than done. Concentrate elsewhere, think about something else, the flowers , the bees (I recollect one of teachers from the secondary grade advice me, ma'am those days are so passe..Sex n sleaze now..). These words of profound wisdom as easy as they sound are the most difficult to implement..So I open up beta.blogger.com and decide to scribble, despite the vast confines of empty space up my cortex..!!!
Last night as I was having soup with my dear friend SS, he remarked as to how I'd become a cribber par excellence, of late. Mutating into a cribber,my genes altering to crib and whine.. Only in the movies do people mutate to gain superpowers.. Real life we just change physically or mentally, generally in the degenerate.. Wish I could get up one day and discover powers to read minds, bend steel.. fantasy baby!!
What was I cribbing about? ..About life acquiring a monotone, I needed stereo man, better a Dolby..And what was I doing about it? Nothing, just crib..
Crib about

Financial muddle that engulfed my life now.
Breathlessness caused by cigarettes.
How exhaustion was the only feeling that remained constant through the day. Rest of the emotions came about in sporadic bursts of high octane action . Rage, Ecstasy, Boredom, Melancholies etc etc.. Tell me I'm vulnerable, but I'm better now then ever!!!
How my increment was gonna be a pathetic 3% below the inflation slated for this year, meaning I was getting poorer. This is a logical crib. But as Asaram bapu says, think about the positives...Aarrrghhhhh!!!!
My dear friends and relatives wanting me to tie the knot, repeat the fallacy a zillions others commited before me.
About my car, my bike, my pod, my mobile phones, my mom, dad, boss, my trousers, the soup served, the watch on my wrist, my friends etc etc..

My Ipod plays situational music now.. yesterday whilst concentrating on not succumbing to the nicotine cravings, it played me the song Sutta by Zeesh and today while thinking about the path my career seems to be headed, it plays me "Papa kehte hain"..Creepy!!!!Life seems to testing endurance with dearie IPOD's it's ally.. Machines developing AI while humans losing it. Anyways last night was a crib session with a pretty woman who's tired of the vagaries life seems to be throwing at her.. Tried my bit to convince her to look at the bright lights and ignore the dark alleys in the walk of life, but she stuck to her victimization routine.. The "WHY ME???" syndrome sure is spreading.. Moi jumped out of it, thanks to allies in the form of old friends and a little help from the spirits..Ha Ha it does help..

Anyways I sign off with the dark alleys hopefully behind me and the horizon , brightly lit like the sights from the roads on the desert approaching Vegas!!!!!

*My third day without nicotine is rotten..I feel like a glutton..every half hour feels like chow time.*

Credit cards, My favourite topic!!!

2008-05-14T01:32:00.000-07:00

Ya they are an object of amusement in my life. My Credit cards, apart from dealing with smart asses, well, the kind who think they know everything. Isn't it appalling to claim to know a lot and still fall flat on your face when life challenges. At least claim to be a stupid ass and do stuff that surpasses expectations. Yeah all said and done, hiss like a viper when trampled on by these stupid ignoramuses claiming to be the know all..

Anyways coming back to the topic of credit cards, I was disturbed from my slumber en route to my remote desktop (I work a good 20 miles from home!!!). A message from the HSBC credit card department woke me up for good. It said I owed an absurd amount to them on a card number ************1675. That ain't my credit card. Whoever this guy is, he spends good (all the femme fatales, gold diggers you know where to look).. and the minimum amount due was in a good five digits. I looked again at the amount and it jostled the living daylights outta me. I had missed a zero. I checked the number on my HSBC card and this certainly wasn't my number. A half dazed friend remarked about how HSBC servers in HongKong weren't so secure. I remarked, yeah why do I always have to owe everyone money. Not a single time have I been accredited some extra dough in my bank account.. Bills have been stashed up for purchases I haven't made. Fight for my rights is what I do with these incompetent nincompoops who under of the guise of people offering us free credit are always on the prowl to usurp every pie that I make up honestly (not exactly have I been honest to every pie I've been paid.).. Beware of the tax man, they say and now I've gotta be wary of these guys as well, with the housing loans, personal loans and even my financial planner thrown into the deadly mix. Does anyone ever think about poor me? Everyone promises to make our lives comfortable. My financial planner just upgraded his car and me, am fighting to save my old wreck.
Anyways detour noted..getting back to track, the message made me very very thirsty and sweaty.. Weird thoughts and many anxious moments later I gathered up courage to call up home and make my poor folks look up card bills. And I owed them zilch.. I don't know why all the people who you think love you find such situations amusing. All my colleagues were finding hunour in my desperate situation. I didn't find one joke funny. Anyways I rambled into the office and got lost in my files and documents on the Computer. Hours later one more message from the card guys and they apologize for the inconvenience caused by the wrong reminder. How convenient buddies!!! I puffed an extra cigarette..Compensation needed for the four extra bucks and the extra phone calls to my folks and of course the ignominy of bearing the blunt of the jokes of my stupid company folks from the bus..
The mental trauma, that's alright..I'm so used to being mind fucked(In jest buddies!!) that I enjoy it like the cigarette puffs or my other addictions..

Life sucks I say(Dhoni style from the Pepsi IPL ad) and in the wrong places....

Tuesday Blues

2008-05-13T05:51:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning, if you can call 11:43 that, and I wonder the charter that I will take to steer this monster of a day that stares me in the face. There are some days that fly like the time you spend on the phone with a woman who sets your heart flutter, then there are some days which move like the time which move like the innings that Gavaskar played, 36 not out in 60 overs..Yeah Yeah cricket rules..Arsenal, ManU guys, you suck..Angrez gaye apne chatte chod gaye!

I switch on my Ipod and try to bide time, listening to melody/retro/trance/bob marley/led zeppelin/metallica/chris de burg/cold play/Atif/Kishore, an assortment that could drive anyone crazy ..Time does move a slow drawl still and I groove to the beat, a reflex sometimes I have no control over..One of the bespectacled gulti babes (I could be drunk on 12 whisky pegs and she would still be an ugly hag, ..Alcohol does have the notoriety of making the ugliest women look desirable and Hot..works in reverse too n I get lucky sometimes, He He He..) passes my cubicle and gives me a wry smile.. I ignore the gesture and work on, still moving on my chair. I suddenly get a call from a number and a really sexy voice squeaks from the other end of the miracle invention fathered by Graham Bell (He's accredited the invention and I dont want to ascertain the facts..I'm purely relying on the books written by the insipid Maharashtra board.). Credit card selling time.. I want to blast the living daylights outta this sexy voice, but the devil in me flirts with her before politely turning her down..Lady must be vying for my blood.I settle down to the "I'm a Believer" from the Shrek soundtrack when I receive a call again, but a meeting call makes me conveniently miss it. I call back after the very very intresting meeting to hear a nice homely middle aged feminine voice speaking to me. I inform her that I had a missed call from this number and where is this? The woman politely says that this is a residence number and from one of the suburbs and that no one would call me from this number, and, and if they did, she's sorry about it.. I burst out laughing telling the aunty it's not about the apology nor am I in a cringy mood. I was just worried about who had called.. Pleasentries exchanged and I cut the call.. Suraj calls and enquires about the Mumbai IPL match and my willingness to go and watch it. I flinch in my seat as I recall my earlier experience of the IPL match.

I vividly recollect the details of the transaction for the ticket and the accident prior to it, that I have courtesy a bicycle ride which goes horridly wrong for me. I brake to avoid a Bus and nearly smell the rubber on the wheels of the megatonne monster. I skid on tar and gravel and the bike suffers some damages. It's a borrowed gleaming shiny new bike belonging to a possesive owner who takes extra care of it. I have never known a shame so intense , when I hand him over the keys of his damaged Bike. Him, eyes wide open as a beloved been hurt, but heaving a sigh of relief as he sees my arm extend him compensation of the damages. My arm bleeds, so does my feet. My feet covered by a new trouser that I have to buy to replace the torn trouser, bleeds too. My pillion suffers minor abrasions. I pick up the bike nonplussed and ride on. The damages to the bike worry me greater than the damages to own self. Dizziness takes over and I stop and drink a whole bottle of a fizzy drink. I 'm excited enough to still go, dazed, reeling from the fall, to collect my ticket. The guy gapes in amazement as he sees me gleeing childfully take the tickets all borken, bleeding and fragile. I do go and watch the match as Mumbai trounce the Royals by fair distance.
While driving back, one of my friend fights with his spouse on phone as she feels he's in some dimly lit bar having drinks with us, bozos.. What a reputation we have earned, I sigh...
I try to sleep that night as the joints and the wounds inflict pain not known in quite some time..
The morning is sexier and I conveniently take a day off and get that much needed break from the monotony,called Life (Na na I dont die..just a break from my daily routine..)!!!!!!!

Every"Body" Hurts:REM

Cricket..

2008-04-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hmmm.. My favourite topic, an aspirational tearaway fast bowler with an unfulfilled dream, always jumping at the first chance to play. So while all work and no play was making Jit a dull boy, Trouble brew in paradise as peer pressure got to the silly boy. Stress built up and no outlet meaning Jit was getting Jumpier and Grumpier .So when the offer came along did he jump and grab it, since the last leap year?
So a Beer the last night, a prelude of a bad day and a late night's sleep didn't deter him from waking up at 5 AM, the next day and rushing over 35 km to have the ball (the other variety, the ones made of rubber n fur, Well a cricket ball to be precise..perverts excuse) in his hand and do stuff he did eons ago. The first delivery and ouch what gave way.. didn't know..crunching bone like sound from some part of the body. Was Age catching up with Poor Jit? With some concern Jit bowled again and again till he got his stride. And he was enjoying it. This is what he was born for,or so he thought.. Yeah Yeah Jit doesn't think rationally.. He's content with his broken down Car, his Ipod and his quota of the spirits and nicotine..
Yeah digressing I am, but a few rotary motions of the arm and Jit was enjoying the day. One hour later and a lot of huffing and puffing, Jit realized water had flowed under the bridge and the times had gone when he could play for hours. But an excellent stress buster..and next day Jit has to go and play a match. Curses because it's a weekend n Jit values sleep on a Friday after the late night brawls at the pubs and the bars..Na just kidding.Jit is a certified nice boy..Ask the girls who have rejected him Sob Sob Pity Pity..
Jit plays quite decent for a software firm and is the opening bowler Funny he was not even considered for the team in his engineering first year. Times change eh..
So Jit is nursing his sore shoulder and will need a swig before he crashes to wonderland before getting up a ridiculous 6 AM next morning on a god damned Saturday to play a cricket match amongst the employees of an IT company, yeah place generally inhabited by geeky nerds..

adieus, Muah Muah.. Immature post yeah I know..Pity I can't write in C/C++.

"You want to make her Suicide Blonde Love devastation Suicide Blonde" .... "A mad, sad moment Glory to you, glory to you, take me there"

it's times like these...

2008-03-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

I started this post a week back..but my habitual inertia force me to abandon it before it got into any semblance of a post.. I was listening to my mp3's when a composition by Scorpions, "Holiday" made me realized how desperately I needed a break from my sickeningly dull and monotonous routine. Bus journeys to work and back had driven me to a point of no return, into a tizzy, often delusional state. I was turning to a schizophrenic..often talking to myself, cursing the government for thinking about smoking more than the pathetic state of roads, that greet every Mumbaikar en route home, from work..

Ramadoss wants Buddhadeb Bhattacharya to quit smoking, coz he should be setting an example for the masses.. Most of the people I see smoking are people from the upper stratum or the intellectuals..I am sure they know what's bad for them Mr Doss.. I am not implying it's good for them but I'm more likely to die from a nervous breakdown on the god forsaken roads, or an accident rather than lung cancer.. Pizza hut and Macdonald kills more than the 555's and Marlboro's(I don't profess smoking , but this show of edification by anyone drives me wild to my six pac's).

Looking up for the definition of tax, I came up with this on reference.dictionary.com

tax [taks] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	a sum of money demanded by a government for its support or for specific facilities or services, levied upon incomes, property, sales, etc.

2.	a burdensome charge, obligation, duty, or demand.

I looked into my salary slip and saw an exorbitant amount deducted as the term defined above. Masquerading at it's best.. "Support for specific facilities" makes me cringe. The work for the metro began weeks ago. The work undertaken by the younger sibling of the first business family serves more to advertise his group rather than do the actual stuff. Roads shrunk and the traffic was increasing to unmanageable demonic proportions.. More hallucinating in the Bus. More time for me to develop my evil twin..

Anyways last week also saw Jekyll and Hyde (Me and my alter ego, thanks to the time spent in the bus) going to the Mantralaya for Hrding of my degree convocation certificate. I haven't had a worse day than this my whole life.
Well I certainly haven't done all the below bulleted points in a single day.

Waited for an Hour plus for an air-conditioned Bus in the Mumbai summer. I saw in a post about the onset of spring in Mumbai..Baby what spring? We just have Summer and a bad Monsoon and a misnomer of a season called Winter. It did send chills this year.
Spent all my change on cigarettes, so that I fell short of one buck for my normal bus fare. I took a rickshaw, which takes a detour for the station and this place had the biggest Jam in decades. I walk one km to the station cursing Ramadoss for thinking about tobacco rather than tar and asphalt. By the way tar is a by product of smoking.
A Rickshaw runs over my left foot and I almost get slapped for bumping into a small woman who unfortunately because of her stature didn't fall in my visual range.
I see the ticket queue and it's a mile long. I skip this step and catch the train. I bump into the only TC on the platform at my destination, who gleefully hands me a hefty fine. An honest TC, a rare and an supposedly extinct breed suddenly resurrects to make my life miserable..
I have eaten only a vegetable cutlet and it's 3 in the afternoon. I run around for a form and then get ripped by a tout who makes me run for some prior requirements I had been short sighted about. I climb four floors twice and just finish my job in the nick of time. It's closing time and the babus are stretching to leave when I hand over my form with the certificate. He accepts it with a look of contempt. Volley of abuses fly at the next counter when a woman is miffed about the efficiency of the inept officials.
I miss two AC buses as I frantically run around for the Bus stop. I finally reach home , not before a bus full of good looking women has me sitting next to an obese Gujarati talking non stop on his phone in broken English, sometimes colloquial and sometimes Hindi.. Dude , you don't need a phone. The person on the next line can hear your voice wherever they are and so can the entire bus who by now sympathize with poor me, as my Ipod fails to register in the face of the decibel levels generated by the irate Gujarati.

I reach Home and fall asleep and conveniently wake up at 5 in the morning next day to sleep back at 7 missing my office Bus again.. What a day I remark.. And Ramadoss worries about cigarettes..

Leo!!!!

2008-02-15T00:41:00.000-08:00

I will never be able to name my posts properly..I thought an eon about a proper label and could come up with zilch.. Today I have a lot of free time on my hands..Orkutting, Facebook has become so passe..People demanding testimonials, people wanting me to be thier fans, attention needed in plenty everywhere..I felt a little stiffled for space..So what did I do?I browsed a couple of sites for astrology gibberish and came up with some amusing predictions for myself..

There were some which I felt applied to my everyday exploits..One of them I found hilarious and inspired me to write this post...

The rediff one by Bejan Daruwala being the first one that brought me to my knees..

You are on your own today as no help is forthcoming from any quarter(He lives up to his name, Daruwala..had to mention quarter didn't he?). You will make a short journey related to your work today. You may take a decision about renovating your home, or better still, buying a new one (Mr Daruwala, one house i've bought gives me nightmares as I pay instalments which vary as per the whim of a certain Mr Kamath..where's the finance for other?). Playing the share market is profitable this afternoon(Well..one twelvth of world population will pick up the right shares today). There will be a sense of resignation in your attitude towards sex(This is when I drop dead..laughter can sometimes be dangerous to health..Mr Bejan I can assume you name is an indicator of your limpness, but sex foretold by stars is really intresting..), which seems no more than a chore at this time. Be more adventurous. Hmm, now I was intrigued and I searched for more..

msn.co.in had this in store for me...

Close partners both at home and at work really want to hear what you have to say at the moment. You will have a sensible view of your joint situation and will be able to sort out tangles faster than most. Though don’t become jealous if a friend goes off talking to someone else just for a little while.

Well today had been no different from yestarday and I agreed with Madame Orr..but she's so boring unlike the so so intresting Daruwala..

Yahoo had this for me..

Quickie:Your unique attributes, not your wardrobe, are what make you interesting to people.

Overview:You're not totally sure what you want for the future, but there's a good way to find out: talk it all over with your closest friends. They can offer insights that you haven't discovered yet.

Well at least I know I am intresting to some.My wardrobe is an object ot amusement to many I know...Should help me lift my sagging self esteem..
The overview is the question of my life..But I feel my closest friends need more help than I do..Forgive me my dearest, but you do...I am beyond any help.. trying to understand myself has been my biggest project till date and i keep on discovering new flaws, new strengths..but a moment is all I need to let go waste all the efforts of self discovery..

Leo's tend to wander off quickly towards thier favourite topic, themself...
Anyways Tarot.com had this for me...

You are able to play out the role of someone's superhero today(Yeah undies over my blackberries and provogues..), but you might have trouble assuming unearned authority. Pulling this off is easier if you don't become arrogant(Comes naturally to us Leos), but it can still take a bit of finesse. It's up to you to find the simple solution that continues to elude others. Your best bet is to be as straightforward as you can(Tired of being straight(this is not about my sexual orientation buddies) all the time..People around me want lies all the time, "tell me I am pretty","Aint I the smartest?"..ouch sorry but me wanna be straight and I'm losing friends..now )..

Anyways, collating the gist of all the sites and they differ like chalk and cheese..maybe stars seen from the northern hemisphere differ than what Daruwala sees..But it made for an intresting read and I put reading astrological predictions on the list of my biggest timekillers over the other not so intresting options like Facebook, Orkut etc..Okay rest of the drab time, I have can be passed with the rented DVD.. I end this post and go to watch John McClain kick some evil Butt..(Has to be the yuckiest post till date..)

Had to add this as well by Bejan..date: 20/2/2008
You gain much through a higher authority(??????). Progress in educational pursuits is indicated for you today(what education?). Health is on a high at this time(Finally after all these years of existance my Dad finally quipped "you've gotta start jogging..". Else he used to be a fan of my burly, read fat physique). Most of your efforts are directed towards maintaining an active flow of work at the office(bingo..ganesha). There will be excitement, fire and emotion in your romance(dropping dead on the floor with laughter..)

cooooollllllllllllllllllllllddddddddddddddddddddd.......

2008-02-07T04:34:00.000-08:00

Mercurial mumbai shows it cooler(pun intended) side again...fickle people, fickle city..temperature plunges to an all time low..Hemlines still rise..the shawls however cover up the torso..Rising up early in the mornings pose a bigger challenge than the ever expecting, ever so increasing client expectations and shortening deadlines..cold breeze sends chills down Mumbai's spine, if there's any left now..They say yesterday was the coldest in four decades..I agree to that and did toast to it at my friendly neighbourhood pub..where we discussed about the latest political gimmick to have hit the town..It was from the MNS and the most unlikliest of targets in the demigod, a certain Mr Bachan from the entertainment industry..

The soft targets that the north indians are, the marathas bullied them in trains, rickshaws, taxis..Poor bhaiyyas got roghued up at Shivaji Park..The Muslim issue was so passe..so were the missionaries, the caste card was losing it's sheen..The creative goons in politics came up with a new (non)issue..The Bhaiyyas..

I do however agree there is a point there.. How the states despise the burgeoning latino population, same sentiment I see here in the Ghats here..Dont get me wrong buddies I am one with the ghats..but this is hardly how to go about cleaning your own backyard..And I personally think this sanitising effort has come a wee late in the day..All the cracks and crevices in Mumbai had been infected by these termites from the heart of our homeland.. They now seeped out of every hole and Mumbai was bleeding with thousands filling up every nook and available corner..Mankhurd/Govandi was home to gazillion such immigrants and the morning breeze across the turf carried the whiff of a million egested bowels acting as an instant sinus cure..

The local trains carried a million such oily heads, flatulent unhygeinic termites everyday..Everyday the local train trotting maratha grumbles under his breath, curses the whole lot..Only now he was becoming vocal, more expressive courtesy the outburst by the MNS leader..

I despised the maratha rickshaw driver when he formed a union near my god forsaken workplace..demanded half fare extra return..I cursed them..bhaiyyas were saviours when I did find them at the helm of a rickshaw..Why was working hard the last option exercised by the maratha, I will never know..the bhaiyyas just cashed on this weakness..They worked at one third wages, becoming security guards..the puny bhaiyya could barely stand, dozed day and night outside my society gate. But he was better than the proud maratha we had earlier.. He didnt complain..He smiled through the curses directed at him..filled water,did chores not his profile and conceeded to the whims of the cocky residents..

Analogy : Wasn't this , what we Indians were doing to the US techies..work at one third rates..But now even we were spreading our jaws and opening our mouths like snakes,demanding more more..I guess we had crossed over from the stage of being a bhaiiyas on the world stage.. it's just time till the next bhaiyya comes along and shoves us from the pedestal where we belong right now..only this time the MNS leader will have no say in the matter..

It's time however the inflow into Mumbai was put into check..and the current propoganda against bhaiyyas be put into proper prespective..The execution of the thought is not proper,but there exists a point with the leader.. He's maybe just using it to gain political mileage,which he's getting..Any publicity helps and he knows it..Ask his uncle or the alies of the party his uncle heads..

Time to end this post..I will refine this post but my patince is a problem now..needs editing..Adieu!!!!!!

winters...

2008-02-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought Mumbai couldn't get any hotter..it surprised me with it's chills..A nice drive on the un-congested Mumbai roads and I'm all ready to kick start my new week..Played a really old number Butterfly by Crazy Town..My x plod pumped the sounds into the sub woofer and a middle aged woman from the neighboring rickshaw gave me a fierce stare..Ah the next generation, she must be sighing..Like I do at the teens now..

Anyways Iron maiden rocked Mumbai on Friday and I was there just like I was, when they last came to India in Bangalore..If only they'd let it be known that they'll return to my backyard within a year I would've saved quite a bit..Anyways no complaints and I rocked, gyrated to the tunes of the maiden..All the fans sang in unison as Bruce belted the favorites from the beast's best!!!!! A friend of mine got two passes worth 1000, but we being the connoisseurs(Ha Ha..this brings to my mind the famous lines of a stupid Bhojpuri actor whose name i don't find worth mentioning "Zindagi Jhandwa Phir bhi Ghamandwa") , we preferred the expensive ones..
So my job was to sell them off to some innocent naive teenager who must have donated blood, sold off his mobile, pawned his mother's bangles, etc etc for the concert tickets..The teens whom I thought might exist in this Kalyug were damn difficult to find..The bastards were all driving a hard bargain..Finally we managed to sell em off at 1500 for 2, which the bastard sold promptly to the kind of teenager I was looking for, within a minute for 2000 bucks..Man I was fuming..But what the heck, a 1500 cool bucks meant, the booze for Friday night had been arranged for..

Bruce started out with "Aces High" and ended the spectacle with a splendid rendition of my favourite "Hallowed be thy name"..The Mumbai crowd turned out to be more knowledgable than the Bangalore crowd, which I was a part of, a year ago..as they supported the lead with vocals matching the unbelievable din on streets everyday ..Laryngitis was in the air as the knowledgable crowd trudged out of the venue, a tad dissapointed on the show ending earlier than the 10 pm deadline..

So after Maiden we had our quota of booze much to my dis-satisfaction..Being a royal in my previous birth meant, I had retained my expensive tastes in my current incarnation as well..An Up scale restaurant meant high rates and lesser booze..

Anyways last weekend also ended months of delusional dreaming for me..I was brought to earth by a darling friend of mine...Time had come for me to become practical..Also meant my company's plans of sending me to an exotic destination in Europe will soon materialize, and I was not refusing it. Like they say money makes the world go round and my world had conjured up enough inertia for it to require a push of an on site trip..

So ESTONIA baby here I come...ending my post here..eyelids have also gathered enough inertia and they seem unstoppable now..So before I blink the next time, I think I should crash off to my dream world..which has the likes of Pamela, Scarlett, Jessica and other bewitching beauties alluring me..Well they've come back after a long hiatus and I'm not letting em go..so adieus as I end this stupid post..

Drenched!!!!!!

2007-09-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

So India finally won something..Winning is definitely not something we Indians have been good at..Especially when it comes to our pet peeve, Sports..Dad said sports was a strict no no.."What are you going to do playing cricket?" Blah Blah...Study..be an Engineer blah blah..ya ya Popsy("Papa kehte hain bada naam karega" sounded good coming from Amir's lips.."beta enginner ka kaam karega" and my dad knew what his son should be!!!)..now that your dream has become my curse, you can relax in your rocking arm chair while I screw up millions of lines of jumbled up code..The occasional trips to US does help , but look at the lives, our affable chokers turned winners lead, popsy..Alright alright! not everyone becomes a Tendlya or the fire breathing silly Mallu, Sree (Him eyeballing n swearing at Hayden, that beast of a man was funny..that guy could've tied one arm behind and smashed the silly nariyal -paaniwala to a pulpy mess!!!)Mallu's no offense, me one myself..But some dedication and at least the ICL is not paying bad.. Earning millions what they love doing most..Play..Aaargh..A distant dream gone awry is the story of my life.. Well my friends don't seem to think so..Dude you are leading such a cool life.. When're you getting married now that life's settled..Ghanta(colloqual , literally means a Bell..dunno the other meaning of the word!) I say!!!!Anyways We won and the entire nation erupted into ecstasy and delirium.. The players got a heroes welcome..Even the wannabe Anglophiles, sporting ManU jerseys were talking about Cricket for a while..

It had become a fashion to watch and discuss Football/Soccer .."Man Terry scored that lovely goal","Ronaldo is crazy man!!!"..People following Premier league while Ranji was in shambles..Why is that we want to disown something, our own is a mystery to me..Anyways the "our" things we loved to hate are making a comeback..Bollywood running to packed houses (people literally shirked away from bollywood for a while and it was a fad discussing hollywood)..renewed interest in Hockey (Thanks to the sucked dry mango i.e. Chusela Aam, the freaky six packish ShahRuk.k.k.k.k.h)..Dhoni becoming the new Mr Cool in spite of losing his magical Midas touch in hitting those brutish sixes..Swing the sword(way he swings his bat), drink the four litres.. is the new mantra..Spurt in sales of Byrlcream, stocks of Yuvi rising..Man those six sixes..suddenly Mr Broad was rechristened "Stuart Little" by one of my sozzled friends..

Anyways Kingfisher now has competition..Budweiser is denting it's fan base..Mr Mallya please take notice..Your cash cow is the spirit, the Beer not the Airlines and the chicks that adorn the gangway of the fuselage.. My friends have shifted loyalties and swear by Bud..

Yesterday being the Ganesh immersion, we did the customary jig in the visarjan procession..And like the parikrama song "it rained"..drenched, i was to the hilt and shivering as i entered my house , dried myself..went off to sleep..morning , time for the office.. Sun shining, birds chirping, I leave my umbrella behind and walk towards the road for my Bus, when the rain gods take advantage of my vulnerability(No umbrella man and halfway) and drench me..A conspiracy I scream..I am halfway between the bus and my house and the clock ticks..I miss the darned bus and i soak in the rain..drenched again!!! Where's a rickshaw when you need one?? A question which has run through my head a million times and come up with no answer for!!!!..I call up my dear friend Mallya(Not the Kingfisher Mallya) and tag along with him in his car..Drenched n wet and the AC blowing..What a divine feeling?!! Mr Mallya works next door, so he drops me a few yards away from my office..I get out and the rain gods play truant again, talk about timing. Dhoni lost his and I got it..Drenched, Wet, Shivering I enter my office like a wet cat (Bheegi billi)..the AC dries me off..I shiver like a tuning fork..my teeth resonate and i fear for their well being..I cool off and spend my day browsing through the million odd lines of code..chatting and other activities that constitute a s/w engineer's day (Ya dad relax while I code..Aaarghh..)

Surprisingly after all that I have not sneezed, coughed so my immunity's up..Sinus takes a back seat..Guess the tonics that i have consumed(Mallya's tonic) are building up my immunity!!!!A big enough post full of rubbish and blah and I think i haven't lost the magical touch of turning up with trash..So Adios!!!!!

India Wins at the Oval!!!!!

2007-09-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

India scrapes it out of the humdinger at the Oval..After the debilitating final over by Yuvraj, the old guard rose to the occasion firing on all cylinders(My personal favourite from the commentators bag of quotes!!!) with a 150 run stand, until Ganguly fell on the battlefield..The battle-scarred lion of a player, Tendulkar fighting on perished to his creaking body and battle fatigue,(Well isn't he just 34?).. Gambhir groveled for his runs..while Yuvraj and Dravid floundered..Dhoni batted awkwardly trying hard to score all in vain, the two liters daily..plodding his way through..With luck on India's side we managed it thanks to some streaky shots by Uthappa and Dhoni..Run outs in the end of the two seamer's didn't matter as I shrieked in disbelief and ecstasy, while my disciplinarian popsy shook his head in disbelief at the flurry of colloquial and emotions from his software churner (that's what he thinks snigger, snigger..) of a son, as Robin hit the winning runs!!!! The body language of Dhoni had desperation and helplessness writ all over, but we scrapped through and all's forgotten till the next fracas or massacre happens..Just hope it's not at the Lords and am hoping against hope that Sachin does get his next hundred and all the talks about the match being his last on English soil are rubbish because he's only 34.. Saturday's a big day and a good time to team up with the lukhas and root for India and Tendulkar over beer n chips, and that's what this guy dishing out blah blah's going to do!!!!! Emotional fools us Indians..!!!!Sob..Like a great inebriated soul once remarked "Good Cricket's better than Sex and bad, worse than a heartbreak!!!!!!"..

Mega Block!!!!

2007-08-08T22:13:00.000-07:00

I just discovered some more additions to my personality. After pretending to be a macho, emotionless freak for years I realized I do have some emotions.. Meeting some elders and listening to their grievances is changing my perspective to life..It's not all about me all the time..Realizing that I have to take a timeout and think about others as well.. And I shouldn't be talking all the time..Listening needs some doing and I'm practicing towards the goal..Read somewhere that the guy who speaks last is the smartest..I don't believe that crap but talking incessantly sure doesn't make you smart..One who speaketh the last must've dozed off or drifted to never never land in a meting or a discussion..Maybe he was thinking about the last time he had sex..or about the last meal he's had..!!Maybe he had nothing to say..Loser!!!

Heard from a few friends that they know the deeper meaning of life, understand life..Hmmm pondered over that and then looked at the friends who said it.. Well they aren't leading life any better than I am. Lies, deceit, insecurity all reigned supreme in their passage of life as much as it did in mine, only a lot worse.. Is there a deeper meaning to Life if there ever was any? If there was a meaning to life then explain me the Dinosaurs(failure, although they did reign supreme in their era..This is our era..Time may pass and roaches will still exist while we drift away to oblivion, fossilized, preserved in time..only this time they, our successors will have no problems with finding our remains..I wonder how Mumbai will look like millions of years from now? ), Dodo(failure), rats, cockroaches..Life doesn't only mean us Humans..Millions of life forms inhabit this planet we call the Lonely Planet..Are we lonely? guess not! Another friend of mine (I know Dude you're gonna read this) is getting all high on inspirational books and personal development..Nice thought buddy. Wish you all the best.. But believe me modeling your life on someone else's is the worst mistake I've ever made. Can turn out good for you..Best of luck but look at the right role model..Hitler inspires some, for some it's Don juan..for some it is the religious scriptures, speaking of which another blast(s) and scores of dead people fill up today's headlines..Jihad..Aaargh I hate that word now..

I have concluded there is no meaning to life..Trying to find a motive or a meaning is futile!So my friend doing the Art of living is as happy as my friend fucking around..My friend drinking pegs of alcohol daily, under influence decides he knows the meaning of life..What a farce?.Under alcohol I can beat Sal Walton at his game..Man I could have a meaningful debate with any guru who claims to know the deeper meaning of life(Ha Ha ..deeper meaning..Bring on baba Ramdev, bring on Aasaram bapu, under three pegs I can kick any body's ass)!!!!

The only meaning I see of life, a human life i.e. is the same as the meaning in a bug's life.. So I was not born for a specific purpose so weren't over a billion Indians..Depending upon your perspective you are just lucky/unlucky to be born.. Breeding and ensuing survival of my species seems the only logical meaning if any..(Comments welcome on this)..God does not exist in the form we worship him (not with a halo on his head or four arms .why could he not be a reptile or a roach, after all the roaches have survived the longest and will survive a nuclear holocaust ..My thoughts alright)..and the religious texts are just a figment of human imagination..modified over the centuries to ensure moral human behavior and power for a few..

The above are my thoughts and me being a shit-head don't know much about Life and seriously disregard the need to..and I don't claim to know all..

Anyways watched the latest Pixar offering on view "ratatouille" (don't know if that's spelled right?)..Morning show and filled to the brim with kids..cute ones, fat ones, thin ones, stupid yelling kids......surprisingly well behaved though..the guardians accompanying them made more noise!! Movie with emotions and not too much humour.. The kids must've been mighty confused or they must be extra smart to rake in all that emotion..Then saw a glamorous bollywood star. Had my regular stuffing of Chinese at my favourite joint..And then dozed off Sunday afternoon after days of sleep abuse..Feeling fresh and nothing to do meant another stupid post and here it is...Abuses and comments welcome!!!

I can walk Inglish!!!!

2007-07-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

Inglish is a very funny language!!!!Ya it is..It has conjured up a whole lot of fakes and the so called high society folks(not necessarily..now we have the call center cult which excels in the trade of accents. UK, US,Aussie they have it all..) who revel in the fact that they dont know any other language but Inglish..No Hindi or Marathi for them(Ewwww..they'd push up thier noses and say to anyone speaking in these dialects..) .It's only Inglish that dictates class and in thier quest for the class supremacy they dig deep into the oxfords and websters and also put up a fake accent like the folks from an immigrant country across the Pacific. For decades we suffered the tyrany of caste based discrimination(While caste still holds ground in the interiors, it is the language that is drawing new lines in the urban hip and the elite circles.). Finally after 200 years under the colonization and sahibgiri of the Brits we still havent been able to break the shackles of the domination, that held sway courtesy the Inglish language. During the days of the Raj, the only way of achieving fame and security was entering the civil service and Inglish was a must for the same. We gained independance from the Raj but somehow the Inglish language still stuck, primary reason being the brown sahibs took over the administration and the running of the country.Why even the famous freedom speech was in English by the ever so charismatic Nehru ("Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny,..blah blah and more blah..yeah"). So after 60 years we still quote Shakespere with equal fervour. Tagore has been banished to the cobweb ridden dusty government libraries.

I have been guilty too of following the much trodden path of Inglishization..As a teenager i buried myslef into the Grisham's, Sheldons, Archies, DC, Marvel etc and took to Rock after a flirtation with Pop..(Micheal with his crotch grabbing antics still impresses me with his song and performance)..Mugged up quotes and read about the celebrities from Hollywood..Read numerous biographies of my favourite performers. Bought pirated DVD's/CD's ..downloaded mp3's, while Micheal pleaded to abolish piracy on MTV(to no avail..). Googled for the right songs and downloaded them. Man I had to be the knowall of Rock.. Followed the NBA..Tried watching Football (The European/SouthAmerican variety) but gave up ..Watched Sampras, Becker fight it out.. I inseminated the colors(colours, is it?) of the American culture in me.
Diwali lost it's charm and Valentine mesmerised me..I was curious about Haloween and Thanks Giving..

Then a trip to the paradise happened. I flew to US in 2003 and stayed there for a year.. While I was comfortable with the folks down there, there was still some frost in the interactions during the initial phase of adjustment. Gradually they opened up and I was now a part of their circle. Was invited to a few family dinners, got cd's written for me(13 metallica and 14 aerosmith albums..16 U2 albums and pletora of other artists to whom I was introduced the first time!!!)..and this was not because of my knowledge of Inglish or thier culture..
Visit to any of the pubs always brought about distrusting looks and had to endure racist talk(only a very few times) from the pub regulars.. Polished Inglish or not, it was colour and race which was my identity and not my tongue..Respect I gained not because of Inglish but my work and ethos.. So no matter how I tried to blend into the crowd, I stood apart each time..Maybe it was just my physche and upbringing that keep me from getting assimilated, I dont know..!!

I realized/concluded how futile was my anglicisation routine that I had followed for so long..So colors became colours again and I felt pride on my nationality, however corrupt, despicable and smudged it was..That was my identity..not this(Yo man!!!Wassup, Bro, Wazaa?????? etc)..!!!!I was a part of the crowd anywhere in India..not so elsewhere!!!

RecentlyI have felt the pinch of my un-anglisization in my very own backyard (Mumbai). People reminding me about ways a certain word is pronounced(Steek no, it's Steak..Yeah yeah I know Madame..). French has also crept into the vocabulary of the class and now I have to learn the hip buzz words from the land of Louvre and Eiffel..No effort, and my ever so hard working friends leave no stone unturned in needling me about my lack of knowledge in French(??Arre bhai I can hardly speak some English and now French...Aarrgh). German is also fast gaining ground now that the French words are being devoured up by a class thirsty middle class and the hep alike..

So while speaking very good English remains a primary criteria for entering most social circles, I have steadfastly chose to ignore the classes and be at peace with the masses..!!!! "Aee Ganpat chal daaru la...In the Mumbai we are the bhai..we are the bhai!!!!"
The digress was just the song playing on my Ipod..Class or no class everyone bows to the green. So the IIM degree flaunting Queens English speaking have to bend to the foul mouthed Ambanis who let out a flurry of choicest abuses in coloqual.. I'm sure they have realized this as well..Money(Capitalism) makes the world go round and not quoting mugged up,futile English proverbs and sayings!!! "Paisa kamaneka kya baaki sab tel lagaane gaya???"
Anyways ending this insipid post here....Running short of patience and ideas!!!!!

Coming back to Life!!!

2007-07-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

The Title is just the song playing on my Ipod..No spiritual connotations, awakening, enlightenment etc etc.. It's been some time since I visited this forum.. Hit the Gym after a long long time..Met old friends at the gym.. The celebrities were there in full force. Saw a petite actress, a famous ex encounter specialist who has a string of bollywood movies inspired by his histrionics..some struggling actors, an ex Mr India bodybuilder, some models, idiots from the advertising and media with thier "Oh I'm so Americanised..Look at me" Attitudes..

The trainers ran after the women who gave them a bit of attention, for obvious reasons..so that the idiots could carry weights while they sweetly chattered and seeded hopes of a fairytale romance between the beauty and the beast.. Fakes and the seemingly confident crowd mingled and chatted freely, quoting one liners mugged from magtazines, web sites..(Reminds me of a friend who quotes the same ones for the last few years I've known him..)

All the nicotine that laced my lungs conspired and cut my workout short..1 hour was now 40 minutes as I struggled, gasped on the treadmill..The beer was sitting pretty , where the six pack should've been.. Finally after trying so very desperately for half an hour I gave up all hopes of a meaningful workout and just chatted with the trainers..My friend Sudhir did his 20 minute run on the treadmill and was doing other cardio stuff and all I was doing was huffing and breathing heavily like a heavily pregnant woman climbing the stairs. As my breathing become a labourous wheeze, I knew I had to do something.. Something I did alright!!!After the workout, close to the gym's closing time I ran to the nearest Tapri and lit a cigarette..My trainer saw me smoke and shook his head, giving me a sardonic grin.. The ex shooter with a count of dead nearing three digits waved at me, all the while chattering on his latest commincator and drove away in his SUV. The petite actress whizzed away in her flashy new car as well..The vallet guys were working overtime bringing the swanky cars to thier muscle strutting, mobile flanking, garish owners.. I stood quitely by the tapri finishing off the puffs of death..

The gym stood by the edge of a slum and the tapri was the demarcation between the affluent and meagre.. I stood by the tarpri wondering wasn't I the bridge between the affluent and the abject..I was not quite here, not quite there!!! The heavens opened and water poured on the arid landscape of steel and concrete. A few trees interspaced between the concrete structures to remind the folks that Mumbai wasn't all grey and black but had a sprinkling of green as well..The Udipi bar across the road showed no change in activity. Life chugged on as usual. A shower wasn't detering the clientele from disturbing the regular routine alcohol had inseminated. Rickshaws and Cars moved a slow drawl in the sudden grid-lock that the rain brought about. Nothing new for the ever adjusting Mumbaikar..

And my Ipod played "Coming back to Life"..as I extended my arm to stop a Rickshaw..It was time to go Home..and that's what I did....
(End of the Post..)

Leak...

2007-07-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

Five Guys high on beer have this urge to pee together. We are talking about Mumbai here. Considering this scenario and we see what happens depending on the location, where they perform this sacred ubiquitous act(In Mumbai this act is one!).

Highways: Lo and behold we have the potholes. Nasa sends a pathfinder to navigate them and declares the pictures to be from Mars. The ignorant earthlings believe every word. The Americans can't be wrong. Hmm.

Central Railway: Trains cancelled. People take to the streets.

Western Railway: What do you expect man? Western railways doesn't stop too easily. The trains are delayed five minutes. The stations become the breeding ground for gosips to fly around.

The Sauchalays(Public urinals for the Hep non hindi knowing Anglicised folks): The Beer drinkers die of asphyxiation..No oxygen there only ammonia.

The Bus Stops: People hardly notice. This is what makes Mumbai , the place it is..The freedom to pee, the freedom to be (Aamhi Mumbaikar!!!)

Airport: Planes circle for hours above the tarmac waiting for the water logging to clear. Flights delayed.

I am really short of Ideas on this one. It stemmed in my mind , thanks to the frustration of sitting three hours in my company bus(Dekho Baarish ho rahi hai..It's raining ..) and listening to the same song "Hallowed be thy name" by Iron Maiden. The peeing was just a symbolic act for the rains. Sorry if I offended the sanity and the literary sense that prevails the blogging world. I will try to be rational next time. Adious for now..

Rains a pain in the Butt!!!!

2007-06-29T23:57:00.000-07:00

Raining cows and bulls now..Cats and dogs are so passe in Mumbai right now. And what a time to be raining? On my fucking weekend..Is there something more depressing than being stranded on a lovely (Aargh it's not lovely at all..but gloomy and deluging from the skies) Saturday morning. I know how Tom Hanks(his character) felt like in the movie Cast away or the lonesome Robinson Crusoe felt(Actually even Crusoe had his man "Friday"!!!Argh and I'm wasting my Saturday)..

Irony is I'm listening to the Lemon Tree..and listening to lyrics which goes like

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy sunday afternoon (yeah it's a Saturday!!)
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and i wonder ??????(Aargh again...)

What the fuck do I do then? Well I log into blogger and write a stupid post with words emanating from a deviously empty mind bereft of creativity and wisdom...(That's what I'm doing right now!!)..
The song playing right now is "She drives me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals..A one hit wonder group.. Another one hit wonder would be Go West with thier very foot tapping number, "King of Wishful Thinking".. my alcohol craving rating hits the roof...Well my favourite joint plays this number everytime I'm there..There's this guy, Jigu and he's there everytime I go there . A jilted lover drinking 10-12 insane pegs of alcohol..A Suicidally fatal amount for normal people like me and you..Is a woman worth your life? They sure can mess your mind like no other. And they call this a Man's world..(no offence lovely ladies!!!)..
Song playing right now is from Jhoom Barabar Jhoom..."Kiss of Love"...Itunes rips the songs from a CD inserted into my CD drive and stores them as mp3's. I'm glad it does that..I have a collection of the latest Bollywood numbers, which my sister religiously picks up from the neighbourhood Kirana store.. English can become mundane, routine, repetitive after a while and I unwind listening to the blockbusters from the nasal song don Himesh and others..

Saridon, Vicks , Strepsils and D-cold are in competetion vying for that elusive Ad contract with the talented(?????) singer cum actor cum enterprenuer cum brand-in-himself , the incorrigible Himesh.. Anyways the rains look to be in full flow and show no signs of abating..water upto shin high in my lane..The spectre of July 27 looms large on Mumbai again..I wonder why it isn't a weekday and I have a freaking day off..Yeah with booze and cigarettes stocked and the other folks from home vacationing ..!! Why does it have to be my fucking Weekend..why Lord why?!!!!

I'll sign off..Adious!!!!!!

Nirvana time...

2007-06-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

I'd rather be hated for who iam than be loved for who im not....
-- Kurt Cobain

Taken from a friend's Orkut profile..Amazing words...from an amazingly talented artist who died young....

Rains in full flow..!!!!

2007-06-23T08:34:00.001-07:00

"It's raining cats and dogs" and I'm stuck indoors on a Saturday night(Full Tight Eheeheyaah..). Lucky Maneka Gandhi or PETA weren't around when this phrase was termed ,else the coiner of the phrase would have been crucified. Salman Rushdie is being knighted and people are burning Buses and breaking Windows in Kashmir. Saddam Hussien was executed and Bihar had voilence..

Is this analogous to the butterfly effect where a small event has disastorous repercussions elsewhere on the globe? A small event like an execution of a vile dictator or a writer being knighted (On old lady from a monarchial society taps a sword on your head and lo you earn the title "Sir" for a he and "Dame" for a she.) can ignite fires of religious passion, give rise to unruly Mobs rioting across the globe and instigate terrorism.
By the way many Feminists object to the word "History" because it has a reference to the male pronoun (His). Man I was flabbergasted. How narrow minded can you be? They apparently also object to the word mankind and want it replaced by Hu(man)kind. Aaarrghh..One species we can do without. I guess they have a problem with words like Horsepower, Bullshit etc etc..Any reference to the male species and they have a problem.. Many more words like Hispanic, Histrionics etc etc..I guess they must be having problems with the snakes "hissing" as well..wouldn't it be wonderful if it herred rather than hissed???What nonsense you say..I know I know.. Reminds me of this song by Bill Withers...

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone,
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.

and I love this song...

Anyways I am reading this very wonderful book "The God Delusion". The religious zealots beware. This is not your territory. Having being raised in a House where religion was not thrust down my throat I failed to inculcate the values of the Scriptures into my mind (Satan resides there..). So while some of my friends religiously trekked barefoot to the Siddhi Vinayak temple, fasted 40 excruciating days, went for the midnight masses, thronged the gurudwaras I steadfastedly chose to ignore/boycott all religious procedures and events happening in the vicinty of my neighbourhood. Coming back to the book it's a book written by a big supporter of Darwin's theory of evolution and a commited athiest, where he's taking on the theists. I realized that there was a creed of people known as deists and pantheists along with the agnostics and the thiests..
It makes me see religion in a new light..I wouldn't call myself an athiest or an agnost. Why classify myself as someone who believes/disbelieves in an almighty supreme...I'd rather stay away from this sticky topic of religion. It disgusts me to the core..

Anyways the monsoons are in full force and I miss my saturday night binge and my smoke...
Sudhir and an another friend are at the local pub..but monsoon is a big deterrent and I'd rather stay home than drench myself for that elusive two three puffs and the two or three swigs of my favourite beverage!!!..Adious for now..

Rajni Fare

2007-06-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

(One more reason to check out the movie is the Bombshell Shreya...She looked absolutely breathtaking.)

Jun 18th the Monday was a drag and somehow I managed to live out the day. The client conference call was a good half an hour long and i muttered gibberish which the client yapped up. At this stage I am suffereing from a serious lack in focus both on the professional and personal fronts. Nothing intrests me and I have a short attention and intrest span. Cannot concenterate on the code for long periods of time , nor can I mantain a intelligent conversation for long. My mind drifts to the unknown and I have lapses which I cannot account for. In the midst of an intresting topic I just go blank and have to brought out of it by my caring friends (Not too many at this stage in life..).

No no, nothing is wrong with me, No Alzheimers (I am not that old), No bipolar disorders, No physciatric problems here...Just, I am failing to fathom the purpose of this existance that I am leading. This rat race I am sick of.. The power struggle, the ego hassles,the Appraisals, The stupid company processes, Aaargh..., ambitions of my close friends and sub-ordinates frustrate and perplex me.. Everybody is after wealth and power..No one bothers about the simple pleasures in life. My good friends argue that, don't need money for happiness but then like hypocrites they all run after it.. I opined that money is definetely a major player in the happiness quotient and people jump at the bait and debate endlessly.

Anyways to beat this I decided to take a break on Tuesday and also decided to watch Sivaji the "Boss"(Acronym for Bachelor of Social Service..Ha Ha, Hilarious..), A Tamil movie by Rajanikant ("If Rajni Can't then no one can" is an aptly formed phrase to convey his superhuman abilities..) . The super "positive" reviews for the much awaited and now released Hindi flick "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" left me little option, but to go for Sivaji..
Also I had to see for myself why Euphoria and extreme reactions follow every Rajni movie.

So I convinced three of my other friends to take a break from thier daily commitments and watch the movie with me. We were all excited and reached the movie theater by 2 p.m for the 2.05 show. We saw a medley of humans from all walks of life. Lot of dark and crassy tamilians with thier tapori dressing adorned the entrance to the theater. This was a plush multiplex in the Juhu locality and not some sidey theater in Dharavi. Some rich and suave Juhu residents with thier large swanky cars and designers added to the class factor. The hype surrounding the movie had pulled in many non tamilians who were all in awe at the hysteria the movie had caused amongst the Indian diaspora in foriegn lands. Pictures of milk poured on huge Rajni hoardings in Malaysia had drawn me and my friends to the movie. A gujju gang was munching on popcorn and chips(They just can't live without thier quota of junkies, these Gujjus..). The crowd settled in thier seats. After some irrelevant and silly Ads, where some social mesages were beamed and after the National Anthem (A totally irrevelant procedure. Why should I stand to the Flag before a journey into fantasy, sleaze and violence), finally we saw the trailer of yet another Rajni movie to be released. The fans hooted and whistled. Every sighting of Rajni drew gasps and remarks from the hugely partisan Tamil crowd. Idli, Dosa wallahs, the chaiwallahs, the gajara walis had all saved days for this occasion and they had booked all the vantage points and the better seats in the hall.

Finally the movie bagan. Typically befitting a Rajni entry he revealed himself after the camera panned from behind focussing on his hair and then he turned and quoted a mouthful of Tamil that the tamilians cheered. I was excited and so was my friend and we strained out vocal chords whistling (I don't know whether we strain out vopcal chords while whistling. Do we?)..

The storyline had himself returning from a stint in the US as a software engineer. His dreams of setting up a university has him running every nook and corner in his swanky Merc(Me an impoverished S/w engineer battling it out in the desolate ruins of New Mumbai. Own a junk rusty Zen..), battling the corrupt and finally falling prey to a scheming diabolical builder who has plans of developing Malls where Rajni intends to build institutions to train the deserving and the merited(Yawwnn!!! so they can write code for the Americans).
How Rajni overcomes the odds, fights the goons , defying every law the great physicists of the nineteenth, twentieth century devised, forms the storyline of the movie. Surely Newton, Einstien turned in thier graves at Rajni's heroics(Antics actually). The petite herioine had the guys swooning. She was a pleasent deviation from the plump and voluptious (My friend Tojo's favourite buzz word from a long time ago.) south Indian buxom beauties we were used to, on our dosage of late night Sun, Surya stuff..
To say that guy has charisma is an understatement. Screen presence and style he oozed, and I was immdiately tranformed, converted into a die hard Rajni fan. Shahrukh, Hritik seemed so mediocre. Here was a guy carrying a movie on his shoulders. A 60+ year old guy who could give Shahrukh, the perrenial stammerer, Hritik the guy with an extra appendage to his dexterity, Saif the sharmila hangover, Aamir the talented midget who picked on a nerdy wife, Salman the guy with an accent from some exotic foreign land(where did he pick that from?).. a run for thier money. No words against the Big B okay..Me a big "BIG B" fan.

He no longer flicks cigarettes (raising social awareness eh!). He now does tricks with coins and chewing gum(Again gravity defying,logic pulverising but believable as long as he does it. Only guy who comes close is the super Bong Mithunda Aaiieiiieiiiieeeeee Hum lungi uthatee disco dikhati..).
The stunts had me agape with splendor and amazement of the creation,imagination of the human mind. He pushes 50 guys twice his size and they fly off in all directions. He fights them all a la Jackie Chan and he's supposed to be guy who's earned all his money in software(i can hardly climb the flight of stairs to my office after 7 years in s/w). He eloctrucates himself to be rescued by CPR, a good half an hour(estimate..) after he's pronounced dead. Lukcy they didnt show Rajni given mouth to mouth..
Then the next avatar shocked me with Rajni sporting a bald pate and fighting impossible stunts and a million more goons before he truimphs..He always does...and a happy ending followed with rajni beaming his million dollar smile and tapping his bald pate...!!

The roller coaster ride was over and I wasn't disspointed one bit. Rajni had added me in his list of fans...and I'm anxiously waiting for the next fare he dishes out... So are the dosa wallahs, the idli wallahs , gajara wallis and the infant who cried hoarse throughtout the second half(Infanticide was the only thought on my mind..hey ! ya ya in poor taste but a joke okay!!!).

So My day was half over and then we(me n my pals) retreated to our den to have our quota of beer and chips. This completed a lovely day when I rejuvenated myself and lightened my Middle age crisis I'm going through (Ha Ha mid life crisis hits us yuppies early!!).

Anyways I'm not writing a Harry Potter novel, so will end here..Jitesh signing off..Alvida(Yucky movie Kabhie Alvida Na Kehna)!!!!

Korn(y)

2007-06-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

At my age listening to Korn makes no sense..I should be listening to Beethoven and Mozart..But I like swimming against the Tide and I bought the CD off the shelf of Best Hits of Korn. Guess what It didnt dissapoint me.. Worth every pie I paid for it.
The Dante Ross mix of Freak on a Leash plays good on my multimedia speakers. My mom who detests music of the Satan chetan(Rock) was also grooving to the beat.. She was just humming the first two words of the song.
This is the n'th time I'm listening to the song. I have this annoying habit of repeating a song that appeals to me so many times until my DNA gets altered with the imprint of the song (What unimaginative writing..I know)..Did it once with the song "Dream on" which remains my all time favourite and "Crazy train" by Ozzy. I heard them on my ipod for one full day each..Anyways I dont think i am going to listen to this song for too long..It's already become a little drab..But a good song to unwind much like Metallica's few which I can listen to anytime I am tired, elated, anxious, bored or any other mood..relaxes me..unlike beethoven which sounds good only on pipe when i'm dining with that special someone..(Ha Ha..Ya Ya Brian I'm expecting your comment here..)
..Anyways adious for this post..it ends right Here.

Workshops!!! Ahem

2007-06-16T03:54:00.000-07:00

I attented a team leads seminar taken at our organization. I have been in this nauseating business of software for a long time. It had an eclectic(I love this word. I had to use it in a post. Doesn't make sense here..) mix of people from different walks of software(Yeah Boring!!!).. It was a workshop which promised to make leaders out of the ordinary. I have always believed, you either have it your gut to be a leader or you dont have it. Degrees unfortunately dictate more nowadays on the leadership issues. Hence we have the inept bookworms sitting on the top of the rung at a lot of places. Well I couldn't argue about the selection criteria. It has to be something. So someone having leadership qualities has to have a decent degree to be leading or should slog it out for sometime to be noticed. The someone should also pray that some flaunting an elite degree should also not come along crosing thier paths..
Anyways coming back to the topic of the team leaders, It was an excellent oppurtunity to digress from the regular routine of code, test , lead and deliver. All those lines had code had muddled up in my brain leaving very litle breathing space for anything else. So i took up the workshop.

The first section was a session by a senior manager more to raise the morale and brag about his and the business unit's achievments. It was an ego trip for him. And the stupid participants licked his arse, cheered and clapped at the end of his discourse. The great Mahatma had spoken.
Man the appraisals were over. Give him a break from all the sycophancy(Love this word too..Thanks pretty lady for reminding me this word). Me and my friend yawned. Ya Ya Hitler was encouraging his troops to captrure the world, establish Nazi supremacy and the troops without regard for thier life fought and fought while Hitler snickerred behind thier back. Then came a session on the processes. Money for the organization and disciplinarian for the masses. Yawn..Eyes wide open , but brain dead I carried on..I mastered this school during school and the engineering. My mind was teleported to Hugh Heffner's mansion with the bevy of beauties all flaunting thier assets. But I was present in the class.

One more session about software design and I grinned. Time to hear the buzz words..UML, Agile, RUP..Don't we always hear these buzzwords desingned to confuse and dazzle the customer..Yeah I heard it all...And grinned..The lady delivering the "sermon" was perplexed and asked me if anything was funny? I said no and the class chugged along..
Time for another pep talk and the tired worn down soldiers were ready to fight for Nazi domination again. This time another Project manager lectured about client interaction...

There were a few questions asked, just to be asked... Just to prove that the smart person was present in the class..and was attentive..One session was cancelled and we heaved a sigh of relief..
Last session rolled at snail's pace and we waited anxiously for the clock to strike five.
It did and we quickly left our desks for the Bus. The leadership sessions were over and the cats had now heard enough Gas to turn Tigers..
Some jokes cracked lightened the otherwise monotonous sessions..
One of the participant asked "Is our Duty to convert the Must Have features to Nice to Have?"..
Everyone was in splits. The ice woman on the first bench laughed for the first time.
One of us asked about how Pace maker software was tested?..A few jokes flowed here and there and comraderie was established between the future leaders...
Fellowhip of the TeamLeads decided to meet every three weeks and then dispersed for the weekend...
It was a wonderful break from the timesheets and the client meetings , the two days and I hope some more sessions follow soon...Reaching home it was the turn to hit the joint for my quota of Bacardi and beer...
Anyways that's it for now...Jitesh signing off..

Crash Boom Bang!!!!

2007-06-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah I got the fever too.. The Diet fever.. All the hep celebreties were doing it..There are some many to quote..The Atkins, The GM plan, Mediterranean,.. , The Fuck till you lose 10 kilos Diet, The Fart fart and lose weight program, you get the idea right..

So I started my own diet plan. I go on these diets when i realize that I'm not fitting into my old clothes anymore. Being a fashion challenged person, one of the most challenging chores for me is shopping for me own clothes..The range confuses me and having an ugly disposition doesn't help either. So this time I felt my tummy yearning to break free from the shackles of the boundaries imposed by my Park Avenue trousers. I pictured it singing Freddie's song "I want to break free" and I was convinced I had to go on my routine of self starvation and deprivation of grub. So I devised a plan.

I decided to skip my breakfast. But mornings without a cigarette were really troublesome on my already frayed nerves (Try a fag on an empty stomach and there's no worse feeling ). Plus breakfasts was a good occasion for some Eye candy. The canteen had glamour in our otherwise drab and monochromtic Black and White world,The Binary of world of O's and 1's. So I decided it had to be lunch that had to take a drastic cut. Breakfasts were cornflakes for me every weekday. Cornflakes which were once just fillers between snacks, between meals were now my fucking breakfast. I concenterated on work and switched on the Ipod during my work hours to divert my attention from the rumblings of my poor tummy. Ozzy screamed from the headphones but Mr Tummy howled louder..I bit my tongue and controlled my desire to gobble up that dessert. Looked the other way to the scrumptous junks liks the pizzas and the burgers and the masala dosas and the bhel puris.

Lunch was one fourth of what I used to have during my carefree days. Booze was hit the hardest as I reduced consumption to cut the calories. Finally after two months of starving myself. I went to the weighing scale. This was the moment of truth I was looking for the past two months. I looked thin alright. But the scale still read 81.5 kilos. And two months ago I'd weighed in at 82 kilos. One good meal and I would be where I was sans the starvation. Grrr I had enough of diets and I hit the Chinese joint with my friends who were hogging all the time while I was starving myself. I ordered all the trash that was to eat and ate my moeny's worth. The colas followed by the mango mousses and the deep fried chicken. Then followed a binge session at the local pub.
I knew I would be doomed the next day and the "I want to break free" would ring again in my ears.

Apprehensive, Prepared for the worst I weighed myself the next day and still weighed the same 81.5 kilos.
Aaargh that was it for me. No more diets for me again I resolved. Only me and my friends know how good I am at making and sticking to resolutions.. I've already quit cigarettes twenty times this year and booze every alternate week. And I'm still making resolutions, deciding alright enough is enough and it(whatever vice I decide to quit that day) has to stop right now..
And guess what I'll be deciding in fifteen days it's time to quit again (whatever vice i've decided to quit this time..confusing huh)...
I am making one more resolution right now. I am going to research and come up with good topics to write in my posts.. Hope this one I stick to...

CRICKET..SIGH!!!!

2007-03-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

My Tribute to Sachin..He's still the Cricketing God..!!!!!A Fallen one

Should have written this some times ago!!!!

The world cup dreams ended abruptly for a nation of 2 billion..The spineless gods had suddenly mutated into the dirty dozen..idolized by billions before the world cup and now abhored by one and many..Now our fate lies at the hands of bangladesh and bermuda..I could see a sly smile on the lips of one and all in the bangla team..David vs Goliath..hmm remined me of the movie I'd just seen 300..How an army of 300 spartans thwarted an attack of millions of Persians..

Then the old mythological tale turned on it's head the ravanas had vanquished Rama's army..After all the army was made up of monkeys, bufoons and bears..How can an army of buffoons defeat an army of asuras??This is the kalyuga ..Kalyuga will last for 432000 years..Till then forget the World cup guys!!!! 1983 being an accident..Ha Ha..What thought arise in this inert head of mine..Sri Lankans thrashing the Indians..teasing and taunting them..A nation periliously perched below India withing striking range..One fart and total anhilation, that's what I always thought..How the mighty have fallen..As the country plunges into collective depression..As lives snuffed out of some of the fans. Wives get the attention and focus back from thier husbands. As millions grieve , not for the game but for the national pride, that has been dented by the weak eleven who didn't show heart for a fight!!!! How could a billion plus people pin thier hopes on a team of chokers..How the paper heavy unit crumble at the slightest pressure, an all too familiar sight for the people used to humiliation time and time again.

Media starts the blame game. In thier effort to dig out the reasons for the fiasco that was World cup they dig out bones and skeletons from a closet already know to one and all in India. Chappel gets the stick..Dravid's the scapegoat..People are not let to forget the disaster that was world cup. Sachin Tendulkar still flaunts his pearls in ads..Dhoni endorses 7-up..Yuvraj roars..Man didn't I write in a post not so long ago that Indian Cricket is dead and the obituary will be written after the World Cup..I was so right..My hopes were given CPR by some of the performances before the world cup..Looked like everyone was getting thier act right..Sehwag played well..so did Little Farter, Dravid showed his class..Ganguly was the comeback kid..back from the depths of hell where he was banished , Dalmiya aftermath. Raising the hopes of millions and filling up heart with false Hopes..The heroes crashed, a la Hindenberg, bursting into flames..We were the Hindenberg, Gas..(inflammable hydrogen!!)..What did it take to crash us..bangladesh and srilanka..Pride shattered..egos dented..All the talks of India rising(not in Cricket!!) amounted to nothing. How can we have these chokers as role models? Seriously the parents who named thier kids after the cricketeers must now be having second thoughts or ruing thier decisions.
It's time some radical steps are taken ..Chappel cannot be blamed although his ego does shine through all the fracas. Do people who have played more cricket than Chappel need him? All they need is a strict taskmaster..Perform or be spanked in the butt..No ads. Tax the bugger twice on poor performances..Make thier pay packages performance oriented. Performers get rewards..although I doubt if that would help!!!It would only translate to more pressure and stress and they will crack quicker..!!

Anyways like they say the show must go on..Like the Idies thrashed Bermuda (Chaddis or Popatwadi XI as the mumbai mirror headline screamed!!!), they will threash some other minnows..and they will be revered once again restored to the pedestal where they stood before the disaster. Sachin will sign Bigger deals.Bongs will dance to the tune of dada and he in turn will to Nagma's..Aren't we the Indians the biggest fools on this Planet? Now I know why the British held sway for 200 years..Now I know why Pakistan still bullies us inspite of being a puny, rough fundemantalist nation!!! We are a nation of chokers..Have short memory, we tend to forget and forgive quickly..The chalta hai attitude has cost us dearly in the past..

My resolution after the world cup debacle is to avoid all the products, the cricketeers endorse..Let's not shift our attention to any sport..We are full of chokers(These buggers can choke on the water they drink..dont need a bone to get asphyxiated), be it cricket, football, tennis etc..I wonder if it's got to do something with genetics? Why can't we be physcologically strong as the Aussies..Aussies being strong (rogue is more the word)can be traced to thier history as well..Wasn't the British colony established by Penal transportation? Convicts and criminals with thier hard core minds passed them on to Punter, Warney, Symonds..They can all act in ganster flicks..It just shows in thier demeanour..Rogues.. but who cares??They are winning..Huh?Let all the guys from Tihar represent India. Who needs the polish and finesse of Dravid..WIN for gods sake..Justify your stats and your superstardom!!!

The other day I was reading about the largest diamonds on Earth and two prominent ones hailed from India, one plundered by the Persians and other allegedly gifted to the Queen(under duress). Anyways I am diverting from the topic..Will return back again..Until then Lord give me the strength to take my mind off cricket and concenterate on some of the areas where India shines..Very very difficult I know(Where are we shining?..Some pricey acquisitions and millions of techies doing what the Americans don't want to do. Sigh)..But I'll try!!!Adious..

Weekends!!!!

2007-03-06T05:04:00.001-08:00

Flashing glitter and glimmer oozed from all the corners of the little place in a Suburbian Night Club.I was standing there alone in one corner of the bar having my bacardi shots..Contemplating life in the dark dimly lit corner of the place, there i was blowing my money which my father advised to deposit in a Deepak Parekh controlled institution..Yeah I give him the money, which I earn working 4 weekdays in a bloody month..And then weekends at this place I blew some of the money here..The same god damned institution(The bank) decided when I could have my own house.The empty promises I remember "Sir It's a market building on solid investments..the intrest rates will go south"
..Loan of 1.2 million or 12 Lakh..as an Indian should put it,but it was so L.S now with all these psuedos talking in thier Dudes, Bros, Wassups..God I was becoming just like them..harbouring(or is it harbor) dreams in Eastman Colour(Color!!!)..The waiters responded in thier broken English to my Bambaiyya Hindi..I got a look of contempt as I spoke in Hindi..Money wasn't enough..Bro's, Dude, million and an accent was always welcome or you were seriously out of contention or out of place in this place in suburban Mumbai..No this wasn't New York, Boston, Chicago, L.A..
This was plain old Mumbai..Girls young and old with thier botox injections lifting up thier sagging and wrinkled skin flaunted thier jewellery and thier assets..boobs popping out (silicone has transcended race and continetal barriers and no longer the privilege of the lasses on baywatch and those hardcore XXX's freely available right under the pandu's noses),skimpy necklines..bleached, dyed hair..bacardi sipped up in monstrous proportions by the fairer sex..nicotine laced smoke and breath decorated every nostil and lips..Was this the culture that the stupid Sena, the RSS and the Islamic organizations were talking about saving..Young couples locking lips, the dames walking the "I am not drunk" walk..desperately trying to walk straight, with an imaginary book on thier head fighting the alcohol in thier blood and resisting the urge to sway..Ooh I'm still so prim and propah..Look at me..screeched the dames walking towards the loos..
The middleaged thirty+'s eyeing the youngsters, sighing under thier breath about thier times not being so colourful..sipping thier drinksquitely..the stereotype of whom broken by a couple of oldies hollering old numbers desperatly vying for attention with thier"I am only as old as my heart feels"..attitude..the middleaged ladies in thier attire of the past glory days desperately trying to resist and hide the ravages of time, as flesh bulges out from the dresses which once fabulously doned their young toned bodies..all trying to put behind their personal and proffesional grievances ..seeking solace in alcohol,smoke and attention!!!

I call out for my next drink and look at myself in the clear reflecting glass..times sure are changing and it's difficult keeping pace!!Collegians strut gizmos I took ages acquiring, 3.2 MP camera, 8 GB harddrive..Email..3G capable thier cellphones have it all..They brandish thier swanky cars and thier designers,pricey watches gleam from thier wrists, thier hair wet with the expensive gels..

They however still sway to Billy Joel, Springsteen,Morrison, Zeppelin a dash of Metallica, GNR here and there..Linkin park silences the oldies while the youngsters break into a jig and sing along..Maiden gets the whole bunch going, except the hip hop lovers who sway to the guy with a bullet lodged in his Jaw!!!Meredith Brooks gets an all girls group excited, as they loudly croon "I'm a Bitch"..Billy Joel has the hip hop lovers booing..The oldies and the select few ignore the hip hop's and chug along to the tunes of thePiano man.."Coz we are all in the mood for a melody and you got us feeling alright"..

As the clock strikes 12 and Saturday draws to a close ushering in Sunday at the place where the young and the old alike, drown thier woesin a cup brimmeth with spirits..I wonder is Sunday the start of the new week or end of the old!!!As the clock strikes one it's time to go Home as curtain falls on the place..Cops arrive and the crowd trickles out..I see the "I am not drunk walk" again from a lot of people..This time they fail so miserably..sway like the pendulum on the grandfather's clock.Cars roar to life and imitate the drivers..they sway on the roads and almost emulate the corolla that a certain pereira drove over some hapless roadside dwellers!!!News of ppl detained at RAVE parties grab headlines in the papers..Police bandobast at every turn..still ppl drive thier half tonne monsters without worry, past the barricades set by the police..Rickshaw in which I'm going home takes a detour from the normal route..he makes a quick buck assuming I'm sozzled..I let it be..Small victories for him don't matter too much to me..3-5 rupees here and there dont make me a pauper and him a millionaire..
I reach my place at 1:30 am Sunday morning..I get outta the rickshaw, let the driver know that he took the longer route, nor that it mattered!!I wanted to delay my homegoing anyways..He blushes, gives me explanation, there's traffic on the other road Sahab..I say "yeah Traffic at 1:15 am". "But this is Mumbai Sahab!!". I say True buddy and we say in unison there's no place like HOME(Mumbai)!!!!
I'm walking the "I am not drunk walk" now!!..The watchman gives me a sly smile..He knows I must've blown his monthly salary equivalent at the place where the H.S has fun..I open the door slyly not wanting to disturb my Mom in the bedroom!!She's up anyways..She knows I'm high under the influence, Any kind of admonishing will be quickly forgotten in the morning!!She just chides me little and sarcastically calls me Bewada, Like Father like Son..I give my fake smile..Brush my teeth, drink bottles of water and go to sleep..Morning's the time for the all too familiar hangovers, throat parched dry..The new day has come and time for the all too familiar routine stares me in the face..
The recurring routine continues!!!....

Lemon Tree

2007-02-11T23:37:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Monday Afternoon #It's actually raining outside
I'm wasting my time
I've got Coding to do
I'm tracing dumps
I'm compiling the view
But nothing ever happens, and I blunder

I'm adding files in the tar
I'm debugging too fast
I'm extracting the tar
I'd like to change my focus of view
..(To the tune of Lemon Tree..)
..
Blah Blah and more Blah..Tis's what happens when you have nothing to do but look at black and blue screens!!Eight hours in a day when you supposedly code to eat rotis and keep the Chula burning at Home, and of course aha.. the ever so frequent trips to my second home On-toes, and let me think,mmm Discovery, Hawaain,my extravagance at the Shopping Malls where i fall prey to my own roving mind and the overpowering impulse to splurge!!!
Anyways I was reading my friend's blog where he's given a review on the movie Black Friday..The movie was not a bad watch especially since I knew the plot all too well, courtesy the read of the book by the same name, by Hussain Zaidi..
It dealt with the controversial issue of the Mumbai bomb blasts..where a muslim ganglord extracts reveneg on his Hindu brethren for the communal riots that rocked Mumbai and the erst of the country.. The minority was shown to be victimised and suffering the rough end of the deal..While it's true that they were targeted, very little is established of the cause of the fallout between the two communities, leading to the riot..I live in an Area with considerable Muslim population..I had a Muslim neighbour for 25 years and we never closed the door between the two house holds..When I didn't like the Sambhar cooked by my south Indian mom I always had the option of the biryani in the house next door..similiarly for the kids from the other household..Our pet crib was our respective moms would never cook for our tastes , but for the neighbours..Both our mom's were bordering on the obese..they were healthily fat..And we used call them moti's..We celebrated Id, Diwali and Onam with equivalent fervour and sevias and Avials regularily found thier way into our palate..I savour the days when we used to hog overselves to near death..Me and my neighbour Jamal..only our mom's would warn us and make us stop eating..We were total gluttons as we gorged on the south/north Indian delicalies with great relish.. I remember just a year ago when both Jamal and me were forced into eating the paysam and sevias because both of us were very reluctant to feed ourselves on the oil and ghee that had turned our mom's into the way they were, Chubby and fat..but still lovable and sweet..That took me away to that silly joke that I cracked to my mormon friend from Utah..She was very enthusiastically describing her mom as sweet!!!!I non chalantly said my mom was sweeter and she was a little put off by that comment, but still gracious enough to let out a warm smile(This girl is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met!!)..Then I jut out this comment "Oh My Mom's sweeter coz she's a diabetic.." and there i had it ..she was in total splits..she nearly fell off the chair and was laughing hysterically for the next ten minutes..She had turned Red like a genetically modified Beetroot or Tomato..(I wanna know how the scientists do that!!)..Americans sure do have a different plane to thier sense of humor coz I thought the comment wasn't so super!!!!

Anyways coming back to the movie...It put one of the communities in a slightly negative territory and I think to an extent it's true..The Muslims were targetted during the riots..But for the Hindus the trigger was the Radhabhai chawl massacre..There has always been a trigger for any communal situation, it has been Godhra massacre, the Indira Gandhi Assasination, Genocide in Kashmir or the ethnic cleansing of the Kashmiri Pandits..All politically driven propoganda or a situation deemed to benifit a few of the elite..They may not necessary be the only incident..The politicians have for long exploited the volatility in the equation of relations between the two communities..India is a huge country and with a population of a billion plus and the educated and the tolerant public on the lower end of the spectrum, the balance it has mantained between the faiths and religions is commendable..
If Teesta Setalwad , the social activist, who's championing the cause of the "tortured" Muslims in the country can openly criticize the Hindu communities labelling the Shiv Sena and the RSS as a terrorist organization, and then get away with it, then it demonstrates that democracy's alive in the country.. Freedom of Speech and Expression's not dead..!!!!unlike our Neighbouring country..where the Muslim Majority of Kashmir wants to go to..(They want an autonomous state..but hey if any area that turns into a majority decides next day that they want an Independant state, is allowed to happen then we will no longer have India..Khalistani movement, Assam etc provide a good case study into that)
Zaheera Shiekh turned hostile as many times as the life cycle of a Salmon and in the end blamed Teesta for instigating her to go against the Hindus..I seriously don't know whom to trust coz I end up reading so many sides that It leaves me bitter and perplexed in the end..

Take the example of the death of Graham Staines and his two sons who were allegedly burnt to death by fundamental Hindu activists..Boy, these are not representative of the views and feeling of the majority in the country, but I was at loss of words when my ex Boss in our of our drinking sessions lashed out venom against the Hindu community for burning a missionary.. He was right . We ought to be ashamed for such acts against Humanity .But in the same vein shouldn't the Muslims be ashamed or the Christians blush for some of thier ilk painting Nude goddesses and letting off bombs in the major ecomomic centers..There have been blasts at Temples after the communal riots , but situation has remained calm..There is tension and there always will be as long as demand for an Independant Kashmir stays. As long as people beg for pardon of the life of a terrorist.. As long as the Hindus are asked to be apologetic for what happened in Gujarat(I'm not saying whetever happened was right!!!) while Bombs go off freely in Trains and no community feels any remorse, but has an activist defending and justifying every action of the very terrorists or the freedom fighters(That's what a lot of people call them..) on the basis that they were not given proper trial..Like the protagonist (There isn't one in the movie but he's by far the biggest star in the movie..so!!) points out aptly that the criminals or the accused will not commit to the terrorist act that he commits unless he's humiliated...And there are human right groups who fight for the right of these guys who kill people..What about the rights of those greviously injured or those who die in the acts of terrorism or retaliation as it's been called in the movie..Do they have no right or a shot at justice..Imagine having to lose one of your family in the attacks and then see the killer being given pardon..due to pressure from some of the Human rights activists.. And for whom do we give all these privileges..for the so called people of Kashmir, who will get polarized from the rest of India, if we hang a terrorist..Do we need such thankless bastards..Nope.They should have been on the train to Pakistan...When Kashmir integrated with India..in accordance with the Independance act..the same way Sind did with Pakistan..many of the muslims stayed back..the Sindhis migrated in hordes from Sind and set up base in UlhasNagar..How many sindhis remain in Sind...Can they claim back Sind from Pakistan..Nope..but Muslims want another state...and they have always potrayed themselves as victims..so that they can use Jihad to thier advantage..We the tyrants and they the oppressed..So what do they do..Jihad!!!!!One solution for all problems...The devil in the form of the West, Israel, India etc and the oppresed ..No points for guessing it..The funademtal Islamists..Now tell me how can a normal human being sympathize with these ideals??? If there'll be no hostility then i'll be surprised..Why don't you let bygones be bygones..Babri Masjid was a disaster..but you'll always invoke that to cause destruction in the name of religion..It really make me sick in the stomach..I've always woken up in the morning to the Azan from the half a dozen mosques in my area..I've no compaints with that..I've no complaints with traffic coming to a standstill during the Friday prayers in lot of parts of Mumbai..but what I've a problem with is when some of the sections of the Muslim population complain about injustice in India towards the Muslims and the raw deal they've got from the people of India as a whole..

So while I was watching the movie with my friend Sudhir, I heard a loud clap and cheer when one of the terrorists in the movie justified his actions, claiming that Allah was with him..I turned around to see a youth in his teens with his parents, wearing a skull cap with beard et all..In a theater of capacity 250-300 with a few muslims around this guy was not upto Jihad was he???Nobody even flinched..they just ignored him..But this was a suburban multiplex..this scene would have been a starting of a riot elsewhere in rural India..Now that's what's lacking in the urban muslim too..Tolerance..We have tolerated Hussain painting Nude godesses in the name of religious freedom, but a caricature of Mohhamed invoked violent protests..Even the execution of the vile dictator Saddam Hussien had a group(A huge gathering actaully) of Muslims vociferously protesting and burning effigies of Bush (I saw this myself in a slum in Jogeshwari..)..There was not even a whimper when the blasts took place in the Mumbai railway trains..But the bombings in the Samjhauta express and killing of many a muslim had Teesta protesting vehementaly on her websites and condemning it as a terrorist attack by the likes of RSS and the Sainiks..She's seriously gone cuckoo..lost her bearings..Now if a Muslim's treading this post without any bias or prejudices..judge and tell me if anyone can be tolerant enough and no ill feelings after seeing all this..
I'm not saying that the entire community is to blame, but there are more rotten worms in the Islamic community than elsewhere and unless this is dissected upon and solved there will be no end to thier woes!!!!

Phew..I'm sounding like an RSS activist or Thackeray..
Anyways the gangsters did the Mumbai blasts, namely Tiger Memon..and expecting sanity from him is too much!!! But some of the guys applauding thier acts in a movie theater was a little too much for me..blowing up the backbone of the economy/country..for vengeance..check out the list the BSE, the Air India Building, Passport office, Zaveri Bazar, Century Bazar, Katha Bazar, Shiv Sena Bhawan, and Plaza Theatre...That's how Mumbai runs guys..why would you try to ruin the place where you live!!!!Kill people but not the place!!!!Look beyond the Koran..You are just making it difficult for a lot of your own guys to prosper in Life..Ask any muslim who tried for a Visa after 9-11..So many dreams shattered!!!!

Anyways I was arguing with my friend why such films shouldn't be released in India because of the tension they create and he was all for people seeing what actually happened..This is what I am worried about..How people percieve something according to thier convenience and react according to thier indoctrination..Like for some the glass is half full and for some half empty..Yeah yeah i know, totally different tracks!!!!That must be coz I'm sleepy now..Adious.. I'll continue the topic in some other post!!!

sub mind{ $thoughts = rand();return $thoughts }

2007-02-07T10:28:00.000-08:00

I remember the days from my childhood when it was all about pleasing everyone right from the principal to the neighbours to my dad. My behavior modified by the power of the cane to suit the tastes of my popsy..He wanted me to curl my hair to the right and that was the final verdict..My hair stayed curled right..He wanted me to wear drab checks and that's what I wore for the rest of my adolescence..He wanted me to wear loose fitting jeans and T-shirts and that's what I wore..He wanted me to be an Engineer and that's what I presume, I became..although have to periodically look up the degrees to believe I've done my Engineering..

I can still remember the first time I flunked in my Engineering Exam..Man I felt terrible..I wept like a baby ..Maybe I wasn't a thick skinned Rhino after all..The broad shoulders, the stubble, the bad boy looks all amounted to nothing..Here I was , shattered by a single failure which in the long run would mean nothing..Engineering in many ways did shape up my destiny and my future!!! All the sine, cosines, tans and the secs..came and went like the Haley's discovery of ice and dust..once every seventy years..Little do I still know what a sine amounts to and why did men invent it in the first place..(Actually I do..)..Mugged up Fourier, Djikstra's (I love the rhythm in that name..) , Horn antennas (I still dunno all the functions on the microwave oven's dial. My mom can use the machine better), Circiuts..(No not the sidekick from munnabhai fame!!), Nand, And, Or, Xor, Nor etc etc, Integration, derivatives ..where do I use them today? A friend once remarked that Engineers just waste four years, which they realize after years of working in a boring cubicle..Yupp I do realize that she was right in a way..All the syllabus was collosal waste..All burning the midnight oil (My cable operator did play movies of the triple variety and I did burn the midnight oil :-P, my poor pop always being right about his son being upto something other than mechanics , physics and derivates..Har Har..) resulted in a job that just pays marginally better than people lifting up calls from yanks,pommies and the kangaroos.. But the real education it gave me was it gave me resistance against sleep.. I could stay awake for hours and wake up before the friendly neighbourhood roosters and the crows could exercise thier vocal chords. It made me immune to banter and persistant poking from the vernac and the complexed profs who required no rhyme or reason to persecute us innocent doe eyed students (Ha ha..).. We can apply the same principles to counter-act the causticity in the behaviour of our (in)competitive peers at the workplaces.. The real education wasn't in the classrooms..It was on the

college grounds.
at the tapri right outside the colleges.
at the small ground inside RAIT at the rock concert held during thier annual fests.
with my friends at the bar after our examination results when some rejoiced while a few mourned.
with our fiendly neighbourhood professor during our Viva Voce.
In the ST Buses which took us to the remote and desolate location where the ugly concrete structure of our college stood.
In the trains where we spent one sixth of our daytime.

I remember the heinous plans, me and my friends had devised for our dear professor Bhosale.. A fistful of sugar in his Bajaj Chetak would have made our minds lighter (Dil Halka Hona..a hindi proverb translated literally) .. The semesters passed by and so did our plans vapourise into thin air..We forgave and forgot..I'm sure the prof's did the same.."Love thy professor" is the motto we adapted through closed fists and clenched teeth..We watched them flirt with the chicks we eyed, swallowed the bitter pill with lumps in our throats..We felt as helpless as the Pandavas might have felt while Draupadi was being declothed.. We watched as our grades were slashed while the bootlickers and the Good students thrived and prospered..We organized the festivals..we played cricket, football, even drew rangolis for our respective branches , did them proud..while the sychophants formed thier coteries and kept on prospering..in term of grades i.e. We blew our money on ciggis, booze and didn't care a damn where our paths were headed..I'm glad in the end we turned out just Right..!!!

I remember myself standing with the millions (seem like quite a few!!) outside the IT companies at recruitment drives just after my Engineering and me being turned down inspite of passing the aptitude and technical interviews..The reason..insufficent grades..How I identified with the protagonist of "Five Point someone" (A fine novel by Chetan Bhagat..)..I thought I was doomed..The fun and frolic had turned on us with a vengeance..Oh how I envied the cronies from the Engg colleges!!! They all landed the better jobs and I had a decent, albiet a delayed start.. Till then what did I do..I hit the gym and built my muscles, which not only gave me some focus but also some confidence as well.."So things will ultimately turn out for the better" theory applied to me and my friends as well..All my friends were like myself..the five point someone, the backbenchers, the kind that smoked at rock concerts and got high on Kingfisher and Bacardi after Exams, the kind that cursed Shahrukh Khan, idolized Sachin Tendulkar, drooled when a hot item passed us by, headbanged at Rock concerts etc etc..

They all turned out good..and everyone's doing well..touchwood!!!Have got some aspiring enterprenuers and struggling actors as good friends..Thier time will come too..sooner the better :-)..

On a Sober note deep down inside I knew it was my insecurity that made me seek solace with people I considered my type..I was neither the very good mama's boy who excelled at studies nor was I a papa's boy who was realizing his dreams..I was neither the stud who beat up nerds nor was I one of the geeks.. I was what you'd call Jack of all and master of none..I did nothing wrong and did nothing quite right, the way it ought to be done..I envied the master of trades..There were people who excelled in studies but could do nothing right with a cricket bat..Then there were the types who could get provoked at the slightest trigger..they wore thier head and heart on thier sleeve.. How I envied the guy who spoke his mind..laughed the loudest when a stupid joke was cracked..How I envied the guy who cried during barjatya movies while I yawned..I thought I was a real man and Mard ko dard nahin hota it's said..(I recieved an sms that goes this way..
Log kahte hain Mard ko dard nahin hota..
Log kahte hain Mard ko dard nahin hota..
Main kahta hoon do tango ke beech maro..
Darn nahin to Mard nahin..(Funny huh)..I won't translate this to English..

How I wish life could be programmed in a programming language or a script..The better programmers lead better lives and the inefficent guys lead patchy lives. No service packs and pure open source code..Sorry non techies if these lines don't touch a chord with you!!!But being a techie I am programmed to bore you!!!

Some lines of code I would love ..

s/lovehandles//; #Dream in Perl

My weekends can be visualized by this piece of code!!

void on_toes(){
int pegs =0,rock=0;
BOOL waqar = false;
while(1)
{
pegs++;
rock++;
waqar = do_i_feel_rotten();
if(!waqar)
goto home;
}

:home
sleep(12*60*60);
printf("I'm never gonna drink again\n");
printf("Yoo Hoo Sunday\n");
sleep(8*60*60);
printf("Damn these lovehandles!!!\n");
waqar = try_doing_situps();
if(!waqar)
{
printf("I'll start them tommorow\n");
printf("I'll quit smoke\n");
printf("I'll give up booze\n");
}
printf("Boo Hoo tommorow's Monday..\n");
sleep(10*60*60);

}

Anyways coming back to sanity from the ludicrous, I watched yet again as India lost a Cricket match. In a foul mood I nearly broke my mobile into a million pieces by smashing it to the ground. My Mom gently reminded me they (The players ) will get money irrespective of whether they win or lose..Mom!!!! I love you Mom,..but when are you gonna realize not everything's about money..If there's such a thing as national pride and self respect than I'm sure our bunch of chokers sure don't know about it. Ten years of playing international cricket and Kumble still looks as if he's holding the bat for the first time..(It must be more than ten years and earning millions!!!). Harbhajan perished playing a shot that would've driven me to shame and into the deepst darkest corner of my house, during my college days and this is the highest level!!!!

Mom it's national pride at Stake and Sri Lanka's a small country which'd be blown away or vapourized if India lets out a fart!!!!And yet they celebrate and mock the Indians present at the ground, who've got used to thier stupid team losing match after match and getting thier pride dented.
I carried that foul mood to the nearby cigarette tapri and parked my bike next to the stall.. I was smokin trying to calm myself when a street hawker with his makeshift bhel puri stall on his head asked me very calmly to move my bike as that was the spot from where he operated..I told him to park his spot a few metres from my bike..He was adamant, but in a polite way..He even pleaded in English with the few words "Please Sir"..The middle aged Bhaiyya who'd probably caught the Gorakhpur express from UP/BIHAR and set up his slum somewhere in Jogeshwari(which probably now was a million rupee slum redevelopment appartment), draped in Lungi and a Safari jacket was pleading in English to let him set up a bhel puri stall where I'd parked my bike for a few minutes..I found myself telling him "This is what the middle class guy gets for paying his taxes..not even a proper place to park his bike and smoke a cigarrete for few minutes" .The bhaiyya gave me a confused look and I was confused as well..What had made me say that mystified me more than the bhaiyya himself..Anyways I bowed to his persistance and gave his space back where he stood and waited for the potential customers..

I came back home on my bike and the one and a half dozen strays followed my bike , barking snapping at my calves.. I wanted to shoot them all..(I'm sure the ire of a million animal lovers have been invoked but these canines need to be reminded who's the boss on the streets of Mumbai)..One way at Day and another at night..In the daytime they are meek subdued creatures and look into your eyes with such innocence and in the night the same pittisome creatures are transformed into teeth flashing, blood hungry, loud brutes that are just waiting around the corner to tear up anyone who dares tread thier territory which they mark by sniffing and passing urine.. So when I was running the Marathon and I saw a couple of peple sporting the "Love thy Strays" T-shirt and I was irked no end..No sterlization and no control on the stray population surely meant the lane would soon be full of potential killers protected by these stupid animal lovers..It wasn't a safe place for the kids of parents who paid taxes, but was safer for dogs who did nothing but defecate, pee and procreate in public..and of course hunt poor souls in packs. Just like Mumbai was safer for the Gorakhpur express bhaiyyas, while the tax paying middle class just was burdened by inflation, rise in intrest rates and taxes.. I was paying taxes so that these bhaiyyas could just drop into the city, build slums and then get flats alloted to them, with my own hard earned money..while I barely managed to buy a small flat slightly larger than the flats alloted to those bhaiyyas on twenty year loans whose intrest rates always went up but never came down..the floating term is such a misnomer... Life is such a struggle for the middle class..
Anyways I think I've written a long enough post for now...I'll just log out for now..See you on the next post..Adious!!!!

Cigarette in my Hand

2007-01-02T03:14:00.000-08:00

Ogilvy & Mather (O&M) India's press and outdoor campaign at the Cannes Lions 2002 advertising festival . It won two Gold Lions and one Silver Lion.

Hey Friends,
One more stupid attempt at Poetry!!!!

With a Cigarette in my Hand, I felt like a Man..

I heard this song on the telly when I was tiny

As an adolescent it worked like a charm

I dreamt of riding the horse A-la Malboro Guy

Puffing the three inch tobbaco filled paper roll

There I was a macho man strutting his biceps and niocotine

While the smoke quitely took it's toll..

On a 10 yard walk I never ceased to whine

My friends dreamt of running the Marathon

Whilst My desire was climb the stairs to my house

As Poison hummed Every Rose has it's Thorn

The nicotine craving I just couldn't douse..

Tried to quit for the n'th time!!!

Going by the Adage try n try till you suceed

The Satan in my ears murmured "You are Mine"..

As I puffed, my lungs wilted like dry weed!!!

The Song so rightfully ends

With a Cigarette in my Hands I was a dead Man

With my Life Let me make ammends

By kicking out of this stupid Habit.to that Amen!!

Ring out the Old...

2006-12-29T01:38:00.000-08:00

As the year draws to a close I ponder what have I done in this year? Turns out I haven't done too much with my personal or my professional life!!! They are both in doldrums..Being labelled a Phatu by my friends I hid my dissapointment from others..While I saw my friends land up heavy paying jobs, hook up better chicks I was just content languishing at the bottom..I just gave myself the excuse of being content with my lackadaisical lifestyle and stagnant progress..
I saw off my friends off at the Airport leaving to earn the green in dollars, Drank to them landing better jobs or better chicks (Not a derogatory term I say!!!), while I myself sat around in a company which was picking up C graders and getting thier shitty job done.

Does the new year promise much , looking from this end? I dunno..looks like it's going to be the same as the 28 years that I spent here!!! But I am striving to make it different..Let me start by resolving to quit tobacco before it pulls the dreaded veil of death over me..Give me the strength O good lord to say no to the various blends of tobacco and let me not fall prey to the seductress , the three inch stick of tobacco rolled in paper!!!
Give me the strength and the vocabulary to write better posts and not litter the cyberspace with mindless garbage.
Give me the grit and determination needed to overcome the frivollary nature of mine and start concenterating on my future, which is really looking bleak at the moment!!
Give me the guts needed to approach a girl so that I get rid of the constant poking from my friends about the lack of a decent chick in my life!!!
Give me the resolve to control my alcohol binges!!!
Give me the perfect six pack!!(That's asking for too much I know)..
Give me the strength and the nerve to watch the stupid Indians play cricket matches..
Give me a better Home theater system..(Ha Ha materialism rulz..I never claimed to be Gandhi.)
Give me better roads in Mumbai (Dream on..dream on ..dream on till your dreams come true!!!)
Give me better Politicians (Imagine all the people living life in peace Yoo Hoo woooo..Yeah Lennon!!Steve Tyler for the previous stanza..I don't want any copyright infringement issues here.After all this is a high profile Blog site..see I'm in a humorous mood today!!)
Give me the end of Big Boss soon!!!!(For the ignoramuses this is that reality show on television which has entralled(???????) the Indian diaspora). Make that for KSBKBT too(another one of the weepy gooeey soaps from the Balaji stable..)
Give me a better company bus with some chicks in our route!!!

Now Is that really asking for too much..I guess not!!!!SO Will the Poor Jitesh get what he wants or will he experience the Deja Vu (the same sequance of events that has hounded him for the past 28 years)..I'll keep this space updated, not that anyone should be intrested!!!But yeah..I will

Horn Ok Please!!!!

2006-12-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

This is a common sign that you'll find pasted on the rear of small and large trucks alike and smaller vehicles in India..Honking is a privilege here. No Horn and people seriously have second thoughts about riding thier vehicles. The pillions will always enquire about the servicability of the horn on a Bike.
I was speaking to a friend who had returned to India after a period of two and a half years. He was speaking about one of the driving incidents that happened to him during his stay in the US. Honking is an offence there and is akin to abusing the guy you're honking to.. While he was coming back his roommate insisted that he honked so that he could know how his Horn sounded like or whether the horn worked fine or not!!!That was humorous, how in two years he never knew how his horn sounded like!!!Here back in India, one's daily routine on starting his bike or a car is to check the lights, gas and then the Horn..not necessarily in that order..Most of the times honking is the priority number one.
Then my mind drifted to an incident that occured yesterday as I was crossing the lights. The signal is a small one..generally the cars and other vehicles don't even stop there..I was surprised to see all the vehicles quitely standing behind the light. There was no honking and also there was not a traffic constable in sight. Now this was a sight for a lucky few. Few times have I seen people obediently abiding by the traffic rules. My chest swelled with pride..No sound of the horn. That's strange. Had I been teleported into a distant land where rules were not meant to be broken and were more than a 50 rupee note?? Nope I was at the right place. The lights turned green and the vehicles moved without a sound again(obviously the sound here means the horn..The engines made one helluva racket!!!). Whew..Now I seriously was pinching myself and laughing away to lunacy..The Paanwala thought I had gone bonkers..I wished I had my camcorder and I would have recorded this and posted it on Youtube..Miracle of the millenium!!!!.
Traffic rules are violated so randomnly in Mumbai that it sometimes drives me to deep despair. Most of the guys who do are it are the rich and the privileged driving thier expensive Chevies(That surprisingly is a luxuxy car here), Toyotas. They are the ones who can afford to bribe the long hands of the law with thier huge reserves of cash that are stashed away in neat leather gucci's. The law abiding ones are generally the rickshaw drivers ,not necessarily by choice. It's more due to the fear of the local Pandu who lurks in every corner near a traffic light.

A client from US once remarked that Mumbaikars don't need amusement parks because a ride on the roads are so analogous to a ride on any of the roller coasters in the best amusement parks of US. While the whole department was finding it funny, I winced in pain/shame at the sarcasm in the statement!!!! How much more time before we realize that civic sense not only means keeping our streets clean but also mantaining some discipline on the Roads. Some sanity has to be restored on the Mumbai roads and we have to go a long way in achieving that. The roads have become cleaner and smoother, but more dangerous because as roads become more driveable they only encourage more speed and recklessness..
Also getting a Driver's license in India is a piece of cake. All anyone has to do to get a driver's license is pay 3000 bucks or maybe even less, at one of the thousands of driving schools and then go and sign on the musters during our driving tests. There's no bigger mockery of training than these so called schools where the sole aim is obtaining licenses for the enrolled clients. The officials at the RTO(Regional transport office) just sign on the license form application. I don't even know the procedure or the details that were filled in my driving license forms. I just had to submit my photographs, Address proof and Lo!! I had the license in my hands after a month . No tests were conducted and I was a killer unleashed on the roads (With my kinda driving skills and the 500 kilogram vehicles I sure am a potential killer!!)..

Unless the rules are enforced striclty and offenders taken to task for traffic violations, I don't see the situation improving. More than thoughtfulness and public conscience we have to target the fear of punishment in the masses to ensure safety on the roads. Punish the Mo&**r F**ers..fine them, jail them, pinch them bad..real bad..Raise the renumerations of all the cops and also place CCTV's at every signal..That's the need of the hour else we'll have more people falling victims to cars than bullets and RDX (We are already there I guess)..!!!!
Anyways Adious..will meet you on another of my insane posts....Bye for now!!!!

One year to Blogging!!!!

2006-12-20T21:13:00.000-08:00

I turned one in this big bad world of Blogging!!!!!I didn't realize that the momentous occasion had just passed me by until today..I took my baby steps in blogging a year ago Dec 17 2006..I had just joined my new company Patni and didn't have too much to do. Being a quite, mild mannered introvert I didn't open up to people immediately. It took me a little while to make friends. Till then I decided to try out stuff in the big bad world of www.

Chatting in the chat rooms was so passe..I never was a success at chatting..Never managed to pull in a chick to get intrested in me. I think my profile was not good enough..A handsomeprince1988 in a chat room brings in much better returns than a "jiteshk78" which was very boring. The starry eyed girls who were looking for thier soul mates or rather someone who could incur thier party expenses, this was the perfect place..They were more intrested in the hunk79,naughtyjim,sextboy or the be_my_friend_for_ever(That's the id of my friend who got many chicks in his dragnet courtesy the initial impression he made with his chatname in the chatrooms) or the evereffervescentprince(???????) rather than a very boring jiteshk78..So chatting was a strict no no..moreever it never intrested me (Na nah not sour grapes!!!!).
I had only heard about blogging. All my friends proudly advertised thier blog url's in their profiles of many networking sites, there are in cyberspace..

So I did what I had to do..created a blogger account for myself and proudly wrote my first ridiculously inane post on the web.. Until I advertise the url I felt, no one would read me!!I was a little wrong here..I wrote down my experiences on the net. Very often I would put down my most intimate and embarassing moments..One such experience was read by my friend who searched for my name on the web and there I was ..caught in the act. I decided to exercise caution and became more covert..Put down my thoughts but never my experiences. This wasn't a diary I could keep to myself.. This was more a stage where I was announcing my antics and my own personality to the world!!!But It was fun..I yearned for some comments on a post which I thought was well written. I got them only on some ridiculously insignificant posts!!!
A very good alternative to chatting and Orkut (the site that's devouring the man hours of many a techie company in India)...
Made some friends courtesy the comments that came in from the readers (surprising there can be people who can actually stomach the shit I dish out!!!)..
Anyways On this note I will end this post..Hope I live to see my second birthday in Blogging. I have just quit smoking and will see how sucessfull I'm in this venture of quit tobacco campaign..The umpteenth time I've undertook it..This time i plan on sticking to the plan..Resolutions never work so I didn't wait till the New year to start quitting tobacco!!!
Popsy you will not have the luxury of gorging on my cigarettes now!!!Buy your own stock..!!
The money that I save on the countless fags will be donated to charity!!!!No no, not to "Give India foundation" or any other NGO...but to feed the increasing number of pennyless friends...
<>

Rejuvenated!!!!

2006-12-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

A weekend has never been so amazing..My favourite team Australia won and so did my home team rest on the throes on a very famous win..I've cried hoarse during the one day series..Passed my verdict about our team having no spine.labelled them chokers, forgotten the glory days although a few, commited blasphemy by labelling Sachin master farter(He's back on the pedestal where he rightfully belongs)!!!Sourav was my chief architect of the mess that the team was in..(How wrong could one be??).And did they prove me wrong??? As the title of the post suggest, the whole of India was rejuvenated by two days of some very spirited batting and bowling performances by our bunch of affable chokers..There was a spring in everyone's stride in the office..Normally guys who've admonished cricket and termed it boring were discussing about the antics of the new found hero Sreesanth..Man how I've hated that chap?? and how i've criticized and rubbished every Malayalee who supported him, including my Dad..Didn't I feel like giving my Dad a Jadoo ki Jhappi when Sreesanth carted Nel straight over the head for a massive six??Yeah I was feeling so good after such a long time..I spent the entire day watching the cricket telecast from day to noon and from noon to dusk and then on the news and then the highlights..In the office I switched on to Utube and searched for Seesanth and the first hit was him doing his now famous reactionary jig to Andre Nel..I was imagining him with a lungi instead of the Pads and a waving sickle instead of the bat and there it was!! A perfect setting for a Malayalm film song..I broke into guffaws at the blatancy of my imagination. A buxom chick instead of Nel would not look out of place in a Mallu film..
Now Sreesanth has often gone over the top with his emotions and his behaviour has often bordered on the eccentric..He eyeballed Tendulkar in a Challenger match for which he was promply taken to the cleaners by the little master and then gently reminded never to stare again!!! He has gotten on the wrong side of Lara and then trashed all over the park by the left handed genuis..He has to know and will soon learn whom to chaff at and whom not to!!! The match refree will surely be in business and we can expect some punishment for the supercharged zealot of a bowler..
It was also a treat to watch VRV singh trash the South African bowlers all over the park. Zaheer showed a lot of character in the second innings and batted with a lot of application and grit befitting a batsman.They were teaching the main stays how to Bat..
There hasn't been a better moment since winning the world cup, or that test match at Eden gardens where Laxman conjured up a miracle to beat Australia..The Natwest trophy was also a defining moment in the Indian cricketing history!!!
If we win this test match and ultimately the series we can expect the stocks of our cricketeers to soar..and rightfully..What else is happening in Indian sport? Jaspal Rana wrongly declared the player of Asian games by our bumbling officials, the huge Indian contingent winning just a handful of medals..Sania losing, athletes losing gender tests!!! So in this despairing picture if the cricketeers bring us a little cheer why should raising them to the level of gods be condemned by critics (It's not a fair world)?? Public memory is really short in India and already Dada has got the same reverence that he commanded earlier..Just a few months ago he was rebuked by one and all expect the Bengalis...Hey Welcome back Dada!!He's back to his rightful place and his attitude has been refreshing, a far cry from what we saw in Pakistan..I hope sincerely it stays this way..Pathan back in the side should strengthen the batting as well as the bowling.. Glory days should be back again and all the talk about Indian cricket dying will be laid to rest..(Me included..I wrote in a earlier post that the epitah of Indian cricket would be written post the world cup)..I am a egotist and hate being proved wrong but I'll make a gleeful expection here and Cheer for our cricketeers. I'll drink the colas they endorse, ride the bike Dhoni/Tendulkar rides, buy from the store Yuvraj advertises and eat Sona Chandi chawanaprash too.. (Yeah Yeah Don't we suck..us emotional fools!!!)

A movie Review..The Prestige!!!

2006-12-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

Sunday Nights are reserved for quiet sombre movie outings after the savage Saturday night binges..Yesterday night was no different and the movie was "The Prestige" playing at a cinema near my place..I went to the movie theater expecting nothing..I had a brief idea about the story, courtesy my friend Sudhir who had read the supposedly "RAVE" reviews on the movie. So here I was in my 700 bucks Nike floaters, which so many have dismissed as those picked up from the road side vendors on Linking Road Bandra for a pittance!!!Also dressed up in my dirtiest ragged jeans and an equally filthy T-shirt. I was sporting my grunge, rough macho look..No shave, unkempt hair..Well I was always like that..even during the days when metrosexual was in vogue, I was the rough and tough stone age male(Yeah Yeah i know you are all in splits..)!!!So now that the macho male is back in fashion I don't have to try too hard..(He He laal kar raha hoon..)
What do I see around me???Glamour and glitterati in the Cinema Hall..Men sporting thier best party wear, thier shiny gizmos and of course the glamour quotient was in full force..Hot chicks everywhere..one beating the other in the looks, glamour and clothing dept...gloss, glitter, flesh, mascara, lipstick..ooh all too overwhelming for a person as sex starved as me..I try to be decent at such occasions. Try to keep my mouth shut and my eyes firmly in the sockets they should be in..Yesterday was a test of my character (0-255 for signed and -124 - 125 for the unsigned..only techies note..rest ignore )..I failed miserably..Oggle ..oggle..lech..lech..stare..drool.. yeah...I was going back to the stone ages..All the etiquettes instilled in me by my 15+ years of Mumbai univ education going to waste!! I've never seen so many chicks per square foot in Mumbai..Saw some celebrities, some really cute and pretty lasses..I felt so out of place here and It was only a cinema hall..
The tickets cost us a whopping 170 bucks each for the second row from the screen..By the looks of it very soon we'll have these suburbian theaters competing with the US theaters for the ticket prices..The movie was a decent watch and I thoroughly enjoyed it..The next time I'll watch a movie there, I'll be ready with my best party wear and will strut some gizmos and a chick by my side should do my social status no harm...
That's about it guys..got some work to take care of..Adious and with this short shitty post i am signing off..

P.S. No time to write a review on the Movie
Find it here http://movies.about.com/od/theprestige/gr/prestige101906.htm

Genes and Cricket

2006-12-07T03:33:00.000-08:00

Nope there's no connection whatsoever between the two.For the uninitiated, unscientific (Wrong term I know!!) guys Gene isn't the legendary HollyWood artist from the movie Missisipi Burning, but the scientific type that's found in the DNA of every living organism. I was walking to catch my daily bus at seven thirty when I saw two cases that made me wonder at the natures way of running life.I saw this really hot chick walking with a so so, well let me put it down as downright ugly middleaged female..The chick made my heart skip several beats...adrenalin flowed..the blood flow increased in all parts of my body with some parts being the better beneficiaries of the sudden spurt in blood flow!!!(Perverts please excuse..).My friend who was with me remarked that the ugly female next to her was her mom..I was shocked for a moment!!!I mean how could such an avereage (I am being really kind here!!!) looking woman concieve such a beautiful Bab(e)y??? At the same time I saw my local kirana wala speaking to his son. Now this guy is only five feet two inches or three and his son is now almost six and a half feet tall!!!!Wham...Nature sure behaves strangely

I looked at myself..I am a blend of my pop and momma's genes like everyone is (I'm talking about biological parents here!!)..They are both diabetic..so I know I'm doomed as well.. my sugary days are numbered..blame it on the genes..That gives me the excuse to binge myself on all junk cause I know i'll just delay the inevitable by restraint and self control..
I've got the worst of both worlds..For starters I've got my mom's wavy hair compared to dad's smooth silky tresses ..but dad's hairline (My hairline's in competetion with the ozone or the Atlantic ice caps for total extinction!!!Looks like it's going to win only narrowly, mind it!!!) . I've got my matriarchial unathletical abilities(Dad's very athletic!!) but patriarchial temper(Mom's super cool) and panic attacks!! Got my dad's habits or vices I would say(depends which way you look at it!!!)..The irony is that we smoke the same cigarette brands!! Got my Momma's big eyes, Dad's big nose(I was in splits reading Salman Rushdie's Midnight children about the protagonist Saleem Sinai's nose description..It fits the bill very much in my case) and lips are my own doing!!! Got the flab from momma's side...Brains from my dad's side (Which is not a bad inheritance!!!He Hehhh...except it's very difficult to control and exorcize!!I've got demons in my head..).

My very own dearest friend Sam's (Sambhaji actually...He's gonna kill me if he reads this) very unlike his kith and kin..He and his brother look like a Master and slave combo..this guy's six feet plus and fair with brown hair while his brother more fits the description of a mathadi worker, very earthy, dark, thin!!!! That his brother gets a better share of girls is a tribute to his tongue power..words it's said, can move mountains and get you hot chicks..if you know to utter the right words at the right time!!!! There was this other guy who stayed in our residential complex (Yeah yeah laugh on my dear bumchums!!calling ESIC Nagar a residential complex gotta be the joke of this millenium) who was very dark while his parents very fair skinned..Poor guy developed an inferiority complex. He was often ridiculed by the friendly neighbourhood bullies..teased and taunted as his neighbour's handiwork, he withdrew into a shell and we saw very less of him..
So what is about these units of heridity that makes thousands of lineages, races,species existant in this world today? The closest resembling gene to human DNA is the chimpanzee...It's only one fewer pair of chromosomes that seperates the ape and the human race..So if your offspring were to suddenly develop one extra pair of chromosomes (few other discrepancies here and there..I think nine to be precise ) he would be born a chimp!!! I know a few people around me who might be closer to the chimps that to humans!!My project manager's one who beats his chest, does no work, flashes his pearly whites with loads of sarcasm, condemnation and has the same behaviourial traits as the chimp..Of course he's not adorable like the chimps we are so used to watching on television.. Maybe he's missing one and a half chromosome...In the looks department he's taken after the animal of filth and disgust, He's well a Pig...No wonder he gets a lot of "Son of a Pig" on his back!!!
Cloning is the direct consequence of all this hulaballoo on DNA research. The scientific community stands divided on the procedure and studies of cloning. Some say it is unethical while some say this can help in saving some of the species on the extinction list..Dolly the sheep, the first cloned mammal died at six years age(She was named after Dolly Parton of the torpedo bra fame!!The country singer was famed for her XXL mammories and since the extracts of DNA were taken from the mammary glands she got her name aptly!!). She had complications with athritis at the age of five..So while playing with the basic building blocks of life is not advised by the clever..it's only a matter of time before we see phletora of cloning related achievments grabbing the headlines..The possibilities are endless and since there is creation of life, isn't man aspiring to be God here?? Anyways this is a big topic and cannot be discussed in it's entirety with my limited IQ, vocabulary and knowledge..I've leave it to the experts..Anyways my flowing language (Ha Ha what a laugh!!) is bordering on the insane and this is close to being gibberish..I must admit writing new articles had become quite a tedious task as I don't have anything to write about except my thorough one dimensional black and white life speckled with weekends of indiscriminate boozing and partying!!
Don't worry about the cricket part of the post title..I seriously don't have the motivation to write anything right now except that Ganguly has answered all his critics and skeptics who doubted him. Now we can expect a lot of politics/fireworks in the team and cricket for the next few months will be an intresting watch not for the on field exploits but the off the field antics . We have performers like Dada, Chappal (Yeah Yeah I know it's not spelt right!!) and Boost_is_the_secret_of_my_enery little "farter" (or was it master???anyways what's the difference)...Maybe Sony should launch a reality show showing the happenings in the Indian dressing room..It's sure to put the current hit reality show BIG BOSS in the shade..It will make those on Big boss seem like morally and ethically clean characters....
On that note I seek your permission to exit this post..stupid rubbish trash..flush it out!!!

Invertebrates

2006-10-30T00:24:00.000-08:00

Invertebrate is a term coined by Jean-Baptiste Lamarck to describe any animal without a spinal column. The group includes 97% of all animal species—all animals except vertebrates (fish, reptiles, amphibians, birds and mammals). The latest specimen to get added to the list is the Indian cricket Team. All eleven members are bottom dwellers feeding on scum and suck the blood from the hearts of billions in a country of losers..Sorry to say but that's what we are..

In a population of a billion we can't find eleven lion hearted guys who can take the glare of the white/black lion hearted bowlers. As Manjrekar rightly put across this phenomenon of fast bowlers suddenly

Losing pace as thier carriers chug along.
Lose the ability to bowl yorkers.
Lose all batting abilities.
Lose bowling ablities (Stranger!!!!).
Choke on bigger occasions.

Compare this to any team and you see the reverse..Shoaib malik, Abdur Razzak develop into fine alrounders from our neighboring rogue neighbour Pakistan..Fine the buggers can hardly converse in English but do we seriously need brilliant conversationalists on the fields.I would rather like to see a Truck driver from Ludhiana speaking in native punjabi to the crowd at Lords after screwing the pommies with figures of 10-2-25-6 than Dravid musing over what went wrong in his near perfect Oxford English..Bhajji seems to be speaking in English a lot nowadays. He also struts the ramp, apolozises to the Sikh community after letting his hair down (literally)..Dude take some time out for some bowling practices..The Ads and the ramps can come later..We have bunch of pansies hoarded as the next best thing to happen to India carrying the hopes and aspirations of a billion plus people, screwing our happiness match after match..

Yuvraj raises an eyebrow surrounded by a bevy of beauties in a nice chic leather jacket, sporting the new bike from Hero Honda..In the middle meanwhile Murali just takes three or four teasing deliveries to send him back to the cool confines of the dressing room where he can again perfect the new look for the next ad..Aaah it's the age of the metrosexuals(Aaarghhhh...)..our guys do the pedicure, manicure (franly i don't understand the difference between pedi and mani and i'm not bothered)..Yeiding the bat on a hot afternoon in the nets is so passe!!!! They'd rather splash around in the pool posing for the camera with thier toned bodies..Play Kho kho and injure themselves, play Rugby, Football..Isn't there some confusion about what game they are supposed to be playing??I thought they were supposed to be playing cricket, left to us by the Sahib's..The sahibs rightly said Indians couldn't govern themselves in the next 500 years and they'll always need a white man to lead the way..Enter Chappel and we realize the truth that still prevails in that statement made during the Raj!!!!!

Tendulkar being the best bat in the modern times after Bradman..Ha Ha what a Joke..I still rever him and respect the guy..(I'm gonna commit blasphemy here!!!)If anyone in India can do every thing in CRicket it has to be him..He's the ultimate cricketing brain..But he's like my 512 Ram PC loaded with all the softwares of this world..Never performs when we need it..He lacks what people like Razzak, Malik, Lara possess in abundance..i.e the killer spirit and team spirit..Ganguly got kicked out and the Bongs all went up in arms against Chappel "That guy shud be focked and streeped in public" remarked Mr Chaterjee from my Building complex..yeah Mr Chatterjee you are probably (W)right (Don't we need the docile, meek Mr wright from kiwi land who strings were pulled by Gonguly and Dalmiya??).."Ganguly had that killar speerit and he cud look in the eye of the boler"!!!!True Mr chatterjee but then the bowler could respond with a bouncer aimed at the ribs and ganguly would do the cha cha, twist, jive, salsa,(Maybe that was the bengali folk dance that he does!!!) what not on the batting crease...Oh what a sight it was..The killer speerit my phoot Mr chatterjee keep on chattering..

And amongst our young hopefuls we had Kaif who was very fit and atheletic..fit and athletic alright but strength of a two year old..A pull would not cross the thirty yard circle three times out of four..Sometimes a mistimed pull or a cut would go to the boundary!!!Dependancy factor was as good as any hand made paper plane taking a decent flight!!! Raina the lesser said the better..He has been a new comer for thirty plus matches now(Bastard must've earned more than a crore)..He's still raw has a lot of potential according to the team management..yeah a lot of potential for ads (is a decent look).About the dependancy factor ..I don't even want to talk about it.. He's settling down yaar!!!!!!!Oh well..sure sure at the xpense of my Blood pressure while gets unsettled on seing him at the crease..

Our Bowlers, i don't know where to start..I'm just an exasperated cricket fan who after cheering my lungs out have just learned to silently grin and bear the failures of Indian cricket..The future of Indian cricket can be improved and have a nice foundation only if we experiment with youth was the mantra and the yarn given by the new management and selectors..I thought we had abundance of talent when Munaf, Sreesanth, VRV burst into the scene..Them along with Agarkars, Zaheers, the Nehras and the Balaji's were the abundance of bowling fire power, India hadn't seen for decades..The old chugging engine Kapil dev had long carried the responsibility of the warhorse (ageing albeit!!)..Then came the timid Srinath who had pace abandon but short on attitude..His shoulder wore out..he threw underarm, bolwled half the test match wholeheartedly(..Apoligised to batsmen after bouncing them only to be admonished..Dude after bouncing them you should glare not show concern!!)..the other half supported ably by Kumble, the medium pacer..Kumble and prasad had around the same pace and prasad was the better spinner of the cricket ball..But the guts and gumption Kumble and both Prasad brought to the field..I salute them..No talent but good willpower and knowledge of self ability was the key to thier success..Right now one hit to the fence off thier bowling and the Munafs,Agarkars,Khans,Nehras lose their radar settings and we see the ball being fetched by the boundary boys more than the fielders!!! Munaf limps to his runup..with that face he could terrorize anyone but with the attitude he carries I doubt even the third rung side from Zimbabwe would lick thier fingers in anticipation of facing his bowling.. Balaji smiled his way into the hearts of the Pakis reported the media..I guess now he only smiles when he relieves himself in the bathroom!!I remember Zaheer staring at Gilchrist in the first over of the world cup finals..Gilly gave him such a trashing that he must have wished for Burkhas to be mandatory for men too.. He came into the team bowling fiery yorkers, 140+ speeds..he tamed down pretty fast..soon he was in the 120's and been trashed all over the place. Pathan was touted as the best thing to happen to Indian cricket..Swing, Pace, decent bat, good looks (the ad agency were seeing big bucks and thier eyes were starry green)..Soon he went the Zaheer way..120's, all over the place, no pace..Agarkar was the enigmatic wiry cricketer to surface from the grounds of Mumbai filling up the place of the much needed alrounder..Seven ducks in a trot and all the hopes went from where they had risen..ashes to ashes..dust to dust..The memory remains (La la la la la la..Metallica rocks man).Dravid's the only guy I can't bad mouth as of now..But he is a significant contributor to the political quotient is my guess..I'll keep my insults and ire for later..I know he will fail sooner or later..The Indian blood will show it's true colours!!!It makes me really sad but we are a nation of losers when it comes to sports and atheletics!!!

Aquib Zaved quipped about Indians being vegetarian as the reason behind the lack of agression..more specifically the red meat as the agression contibutor!!! I don't know what to say about that..There may be a ring of truth to it..

No two ways about it..we still rave about Milkha singh finishing fourth in Rome olympics..We still talk about the glory that was Indian hockey!!!Now We have losers like Sania Mirza, Narayan Kartikeyan as our sporting idols..also add the moronic cricketing eleven to the list + Chappel = Dirty Dozen..The future looks really bleak when i see the youth steering away from sports and indulging more into computers, gadgets, chamdigiri (He He I had to put this here..)..As i watch the playgrounds being converted into shopping malls, residential complexes..As i watch the sport complexes lying in tatters and i see the malls improving day by day I know the end of sports (Cricket,Football,hockey) in India is not far..The epitaph commemerating the death of Indian sports would be written at the end of this cricket world cup I'm sure!!!

Let's take care of the code written by Microsoft, Oracle..Let's remind our children that books,computers and not cricket bats make lives!!! Let's take the calls of mindless Americans, take thier abuses, put on an accent and subject ourselves to ridicule.Let's banish the cricket bat from our livces to obscurity,oblivion!!!!

Cricket is Dead!!!!Long live slavery to West (again!!!)..

Wish List

2006-10-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

The following below is a small wish list that I've had fro some time now..

Latest Porsche (No compromise on the Car) and a shiny gleamy one that will put the bling blings of Paris Hilton in the shade.
Office at a walking distance from my House. On second thoughts I don't wanna work. I just want a huge amount in co-orporation bank. No no I don't vie for a swiss bank account and stuff. Money in any bank is worth it's weight in paper!!!!
Pent House in Bandra facing the sea. I can put on my jogging shoes early morning, wait,, make that early afternoon. I can then go to joggers park or the promenade, look for an empty bench and relax. Watching the good looking chicks jog is something I cherish.
Reliance 6235 (modest wish which I can realise right now). It has a 2 MP camera. Expandable memory and looks sleek
A very good share portfolio. 20% stake in Reliance, TCS and Infosys (Outlandish..huh but if wishes were horses and they could fly why not??)
Six pack (distant dream in my real life, what with chicken schezwan, bacardi taking up my palate)
18 till I die..don't wanna age, but need the perks associated with ageing like money,position in a good company.
Life membership to Hawaiin shack (modest again). Yupp can't go beyond the shack. Like my good friend will needle me about not going beyond this place. "Gotta dream big" says she, but I am satisfied with the smaller joys of life.
Life long supply of Bacardi, or let's make it a vending machine that serves Bacardi, Glenfiddich, Old Monk, Tequila, etc...
V-Rod from Harley Davidson in chrome.
Green Card. Nope don 't get me wrong. I love Mumbai and cannot think of staying anywhere else but this place. But sometimes when i feel like experiencing a lap dance or going to a Metallica concert I need to fly. Don't want to apply for a Visa and face the grumpy old ladies at the immigration counter.
Want to strike the largest reserves of oil in the world admist the arid regions in Thar.
Play like Jimmy Hendrix.
UP, Bihar as a gift(packaged and parcelled) to Pakistan. Else rehabilitate the UP bhaiyyas from Mumbai on the moon.
Flyover on the Andheri SV Road. Juhu Galli.
TIME TO GO BALLISTIC. Now the really wild ones
Aishwarya with Brad Pitt in a Hollywood movie. I can't take any of the crap about her talking with the hollywood agents.
A flush handle with a gigantic flush in the parliament. I simply cannot reveal the unimaginable pleasure I'll derive in flushing out the corrupt politicians out of the country.
Pakistan off the world map.
Autobahn in Mumbai. The ignoramuses please refer http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autobahn
Jessica Alba as a girlfriend..She's one hot chick man!!!!I don't who voted Scarlett Johannson as the hotest chick alive. Aishwarya rai will do too. For that matter right now anyone will do..as long as thier ASL ranges between (23-30),F, Anywhere..(Puleez don't ask me as to what ASL is.You need to go back to the prehistoric age when chatting was considered Hepp!!)
15" (Imagination..life's your creation..come on Barbie let's go party)**
Schumaker as my chauffer (Now the silly ones)
Tyson as my body gaurd.
Sameera Reddy as my personal help.
Mettalica as the domestic playing band in Totos.
Chidambaram as my share broker.

The wish list is not complete....

Suggestions welcome..I'll make your wish mine. Please suggest!!!!

** I'm talking about biceps here. Perverts excuse (I'm the biggest one)

I walk alone..

2006-10-12T03:04:00.000-07:00

I walk a lonely road the only one that I've ever known
Dont know where it goes but it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams
And the city sleeps and I'm the only one I walk alone
I walk alone..I walk alone
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me,
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me'Till then I walk alone..

This song by "green day" pretty much sums up my life..Adious , Sayonara..

Clemency

2006-10-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am an English medium educated suburbanite from Mumbai. Being from the sub, I was more in touch with the language of the masses unlike the psuedo's from the town side. The townies consider it downright unclassy and too demeaning to speak in the local lingo which is offcourse an offshoot of Hindi called Bambaiyya. Agreed I don't read and write in Hindi, but I prefer to speak in Hindi whereever I can. This ofcourse the only identity that we Indians have. The sooner all the psuedos realize this the better it is for them. In the west they will never rate you by the language you speak. It will only be the colour of your skin that will determine the amount of respect you'll get. Girls will shy away from you in the pubs at first glance. Of course confidence helps in breaking the ice, but it's like how Narayan competing in his Jordan against the Renaults and Ferrari's of Alonso and Schumi..(Okay let's include Kimi from BMW. I nhave not followed F1 this season, but from what I've heard it's becoming a war of words and nerves.).. Anyways in the last few weeks I've added a new word to the list of words that I'm very familiar with. "CLEMENCY". I just knew such a word existed. I never had bothered to find out the meaning of the word and never used it in any of the sentences I muttered or jotted down.

Alright I've digressed in the very begining from the topic that inspired me to write this post (Apart from lack of work!!). I was reading my daily dose of Rediff.com forums and posts about this issue that's raging across the country about Afzal Mohammed's execution for the unpardonable sin of plotting to kill politicians by attacking the parliament on December 13. (Killing of politicians would have been a boon, but for the six cops who lost thier lives in the line of duty and a parliament employee too..)
Now Muslims in India have also found it very convenient to claim themselves and thier society of being victimized by the Hindu majority in India. I wonder if such lineancy would be accorded to them anywhere else in the world. Now thier latest claim is Mohammed Afzal(Who attacked the parliament on Dec 13 2005, killing 6 cops and an employee of the parliament!!!you heard it right parliament) has not been proved guilty by proper trial. He has admitted his guilt under duress and there's no proper circumstancial evidence or concrete proof to him being the perpetrator/organizer of the henious act.International law doesn't recognize the verbal admission as proof during trials. I sometimes wonder why should there even be a trial for such cases??Why not have firing squads or public executions?? Of course that would only increase the risk of innocent Muslims being framed on the charges of serious crimes against the country. Incompetent policemen and corrupt administration can of course pick up scapegoats to solve these cases , so to save themselves from being in neck deep trouble all the times. These kind of issues tend to be sensationalized by the media,large scale public intrest exists and accountability is generally high in such cases. Public opinion as always in a heterogeneous society like India remains divided with one branch demanding clemency for the accused. The branch being vociferous in supporting the court's decision in handing capital punishment to the guilty.
The portion demanding clemency have the following factors in consideration for thier case

Religion (Majority of the pulic opining to save him are the Muslims).
Opinion of the people of Kashmir.
Will disrupt Peace talks with our rogue neighbour.

Let's consider each case. The Muslims (majority) have always supported one of thier own, irrespective of the background. They tend to blindly follow the fundamental leaders at the mosques and other institutions who don't see beyond the quran, and religion has for them always come before humanity,nationality. Supporting Saddam, opposing Bush have all happened in the past. They have protested more vocally, the atrocities against Iraqis, Palestines rather than the ones commited against our soldiers, Indian citizens abroad, Kashmiri pandits. They will always come up with the one big mistake (It was a purely politically driven agenda. Don't they understand it was not what the general population ever wanted?) of Babri Masjid demolition to justify all the crimes commited in the name of religion. They will stamp RSS and the Shiv Sena as Hindu militant organizations. The fact remains that Sena have been rejected by the masses. They (RSS and the sainiks) were never blowing up people or lynching minorities anyways. The moment the moderate Muslim starts justifying or looking for conditions leading to the terrorist acts we know we've lost half the war.

The second point being the opinion of the people of Kashmir. Well we'll hand over Kashmir to Pakistan provided they take all the Indian Muslims with them . Let the 1947 partition saga repeat all over again. Is that possible.No!!I don't think so. So the question of handing Pakistan, Kashmir is an improbable one. I have many muslim friends and I value thier friendship more than I despise the terrorists. Anyways should we even consider the opinion of the people of Kashmir. The idiots are living in such freedom at the cost of government's money. They say the army is responsible for the supposedly inhumane conditions that exist there. Does the army plant bombs? Does it blow up mosques? Does it rape women(There are instances of one or two women being raped but one look at crime in the country and the Kashmisris are much better off!!)?Does it behead men or chop off fingers of young men for adultery? Does it stone people to death or snatch property of affluents? Does it kill off the young males from the society. A glance into the life under the Taliban in Afganistan or the life in Iraq currently will make these thankless idiots realize the folly of thier allegations and demands.

Peace talks with our rogue neighbour. That's a stupid thought expecting peace from a nation which doesn't have any governance and military dominates every sphere of life. Who know when a fanatical general or a high ranked military officer after a coup might just trigger off that nuclear bomb, or when the technology gets leaked to other rogue muslim nations??Iran has already acquired this know how from the Pakis (which those idiots acquired from China?The Chinese are perfect idiots.Like Osama bit the US after being thier mainstay in the battle gainst Russia(Wasn't he helped by the CIA??), Pakis will be no different)..Meanwhile Mushy is busy being the perfect salesman for his new book. He got the biggest platform to publicise his book, the White House!!!Does peace with India serve his purpose? He's gained a lot of mileage for his book and himself using Kargil and all the proxy wars that Pakistan has waged against India. They shelter some the most notorious and dangerous criminals on Earth. Osama, Dawood etc..He(Mushy) offers the people of Pakistan security and peace against the Notoriety (Alleged) of India, so how does peace with the devil help in his scheme of things??Anyways hanging an Indian citizen shouldn't derail peace talks with our neighbour.Should it? They have also postponed execution of a British National due to Ramzan..So If the Islamic saviours can do it, why can't we? Loss of the lives of six cops and an employee shouldn't go unpunished. What kind of example would pardoning such a dastarous act have on the physche of a fundamental Islamist? They know they can safely ensure thier life behind bars on government money(I pay a bloody 30% as tax every month not to see Afzal survive on it). Death is a deterent, no matter how many people approve of it or not.

Activists say that killing is unhuman and we shouldn't stoop to the level of terrorists. So tommorow if Pakistan Nukes us I wouldn't be surprised to find the very same activists vehement against India striking back. So doesn't it amount to the same thing? Have the muslims been so shabbily treated that they should crib so bad? See the examples all around. Azim Premji, Shahrukh, Amir, Salman, Abdul Kalam, Sania, Munaf, Zaheer, Irfan etc..Is it only because the Muslims vie for them are they so successfull??It's because they are loved by one and all in this country, have they achieved so much.On the contary looking at the Pakistani cricket team , Yousuf Youhana had to convert to Islam to be taken into reckoning seriously..

This is not an anti Islam post. These are just my frustrations on reading the newspapers about prominent Muslims and activists asking for clemency to a terrorist who attacked the foundation of the pillars of democracy. Where were they when a rapist(Dhananjoy chatterjee) was executed.Rape is a henious crime but is it worse than being a traitor?With time the scars of a rape victim will heal but what about those killed in the terrorist acts?Will they ever come back?How many lives have been destroyed by this one act of religious frenzy? There were protests from the human rights activists (They do so everytime. sometimes i feel it's all to stay in the limelight. Just like after a few commercial films a glamorous actress will do some really earthy, unglamorous roles, the celebrities resort to these tactics to be taken seriously, appreciated by the creamy layer and be in public memory) before the hanging of dhananjoy chatterjee. But the execution took place and it was rightly deserved. No two ways about it.

How long should we try to appease the muslims. I am sick and tired of listening to the victimization talk. It's time they developed a tolerance for all religions,practices, views and opinions around them. The solution to all problems isn't Jihad. The art of debating and negotiating helps too.The sooner they realize this the better it is for the whole of humanity. Nowaday A muslim finds it very hard to get an appartment in a cosmopolitan building. It's sad state of affairs. But they are also to blame for it. I hear a lot many compaints about Muslims complaining about having to prove thier Indianness. Yes sire you do belong to this country so for god's sake make your brethern understand the advantages of living in a cosmopolitan socity, a democratic state like India. You add color to India and it's flag and I cannot imagine India without Muslims. But unless the attitude of the general muslim changes to that of tolerance of other religions and co-existance with other beliefs, they will never get the acceptance, nor will they be able to blend effortlessly into the diaspora.

Saying that, the Hindus are not without thier fallacies. They have to be more tolerant and break away from the stereotyping of other religions. Not every guy who has a beard and wears a skull cap is a terrorist. Unless we develop tolerance for each others beliefs, rituals and practices , we'll soon be on the verge of a serious crisis which could turn into a monster bigger than all the issues plaguing our infant nation. Anyways that's it. I'll refine this post. This post has been written as one continous thought. No editing for grammatiucal mistakes. No review of the sentence formations. No continuity checks. I wanted to post my thoughts as they existed now. It was very strong thouhgt and I hope it subsides and I become the tolerant guy that I'm trying to be..

Morality Brigade

2006-09-29T00:28:00.000-07:00

The word morality conjures up the image of Mahatma gandhi or Lord Rama (Gandhi moreso after the latest blockbuster status of Lage Raho Munnabhai)..I've been accused recently by many friends of being a little loose in that department..Resaon coz I smoke cigarettes, I booze, I don't go to temples and pray infront of one of the millions gods that we Hindus believe in. I party every weekend..I wonder since when has this become the criterion for judging someone's character..Moral values and character are the prime characteristics that's scrutinized and put under the microscope while choosing grooms for prospective brides. The first question you can expect when you are sweating profusely in that hotseat with the prospective wify to be, all alone in that small 10x10 room (Well Actually that's quite big by Mumbai standards!!) will surely be "Do you smoke or drink?". And the answer is surely to make the interviewer squirm when it's in the affirmative..
It did happen to one of my friends who was promptly shown the door after he revealed he drank socially.It's alright if someone's working with the government and has mastered the art of accepting fat packages under the table. Atleast he doesn't booze.. It's quite alright if you don't booze but are an infidel..Guys get a grip on yourself. I booze and smoke and cause bodily harm only to myself. But you by indulging in unethical practices not only harm yourself but also others connected to you as well..
A colleague grimaced when I revealed i smoked in public and went on to lecture about how I was a nuisance to the society and because of people like me the whole social fabric was disintegrating.?????? I was perplexed and was shocked out of my wits as to how smoking could ruin the culture of Indian society. How was it against the social values imbibed in us by our poor and decent hard working folks? That my father also smokes the same cigarette brand I smoke, is a totally different matter that my friend was ignorant of..
Man, the only harm i am causing to is myself..Society doesn't come into picture here..ITC was the cricket sponsor for quite a while. Who was responsible for all the moolah that ITC had accumulated. People like me..think about all the employment the smokers generated. The cigarette factory had thousands of workers, the ad agency that serviced them ..remember the Malboro man, the most famous of all the ads. Cigarette co's sponsored the Indian team..They also kept the population in check (tongue in cheek..I still have to come across a fagger who died young.)..Recent studies have also revealed that alcohol in check can control cholesterol and increase longetevity..Jesse owens was a chain smoker and he won four medals at the Berlin olympics(He did die of lung cancer though..one point to the guys against smoking). Check out the brilliantly sarcastic movie "Thank you for Smoking". I am not defending those who smoke , here..But "let us be!!" is all I am asking you guys. As long as I don't come home to my wife and bash her up (Sorry if this sounds sadistic..I don't mean it to sound that way) I should be doing alright..In fact I have seen many a wild men tamed after they are drunk..I do agree that in the lower strata of society we do see a lot of domestic voilence triggered by Alcohol abuse..But then expecting them to behave rationally otherwise too is being too demanding. Brits are notoriously famous for thier rowdy behaviour and thier pub brawls are commonplace. But that behaviour is inherent in them and booze is just the trigger. Weren't they responsible for world wars too?? Was it the booze or just power that got Hitler intoxicated(I know he's a German Nazi n not a Brit but I changed the topic abruptly)?Woah..Hold on Jitesh.This is utter trash!!!I am writing crap but please bear with me..I haven't written in a while and I need some practice..
Okay so is this my message to the Youth??the people who ride the TVS Apache??? Well guys I am refering to that ad in which the Jingle says tommorow is ours (targetted towards the college going youth)..Well to all the college going youth.."tommorow most certainly is yours" but Today's mine. I remember the college days when I had to save every single pie and even walk out distances unimaginable today so that I could save money for that single peg or that cigarrete or that greeting card for my friend..It was no doubt fun, but I prefer the life right now when the boss does screw me royally..But the end of the day after cleaning my backside of all the lubricants (that I apply before I go to my boss's cabin!!Well I did the same before going into the prof's cain during the college Vivas and not got paid for it..snicker snicker!!) I can reach into the safe confines of my wallet and conjure up enough cash to satisfy my insatiable thirst for Alcohol. I can got to the best of restaurants, pubs and I drive my air conditioned Car fitted in with a Nice stereo system and thunderous bass pounding subwoofers..I definitely can let go of a 150 cc bike (Ha Ha..) and all the bimbos that get attracted to 150 cc puny bikes!!!

No definitely not!!!I wouldn't recommend smoking and would like to quite the dreaded habit..But please don't condemn me or judge me based on these vices..Get to know me first. Come with me to a romantic candle light , If you are a nice looking decent chick or got to hell if it hurts, when hit below the belt(I don't care about your opinion anyways!!!)..Bobby darlings please excuse..I dunno nowadays,but I seem to bump into a great deal of gays and pansies everywhere I go..

Ha Ha..guys money certainly does make your life much more colurful and exciting..And please excuse moi when you see me smoking a cigarette or sipping a drink..I am doing my bit for the society..I am circulating the money that I earn and keep the economy going. Unlike some pious poeple who despise me for smoking, those who go to temples three times a day..and make generous donations there, so that they can be pilfered with by the temple trust, or by the mosques that'll spend it on the shoddy madrasas which will fill up young minds with hatred and intolerance for other religions and sects..unlike some buggers who will not smoke, drink and not eat, just save up a lot of money so that thier kids enjoy while they toil away all thier life without enjoying the simple pleasures like going to the movies or having that cheesy scrumptous Pizza on a weekday.. That's it man I've lost the plot n this blog's gone astray

Okay guys time to take your leave..Izzazat chahoonga..Shabakhair..khudahafiz..Bahut pakaaya!!Milte hain break ke baad..

Guess what it is???

2006-09-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

Can the intelligent lifeforms guess as to what the landmass shown in the protograph is???

The options are as follows..

Images from the Rover of Mars.
Satellite image of the Rockies.
One of the moons of Jupiter.
Potholes on the Airoli Roads.

Anyone knowing the correct answer can email thier replies to pallavi.bhosale@yahoo.com (Sorry Babe) or can sms thier replies on the number 9867656754 (Sorry Dude)..The winners get a free bus ride on the Airoli roads. Physiotherapists recommend a ride on these wonderful creation of MSRDC (It's good for thier business they say). Numerous garages have mushroomed on the highways leading to the bridge to service the broken suspensions and make a quick buck. You get a free tour de garages as a part of the gift package. The Tata's and Leyland's have never had it so good. Trucks are selling like hot cakes..Worn out trucks are increasing the workload and consequently the revenue at the scrapyards. The Airoli scrap yards are planning an IPO which will have oversubscription of a trillion times. Warren Buffet has expressed a keen intrest in the issue and it's touted as the biggest IPO of the century courtesy the MSRDC. It's become a major tourist attraction with people from all the world flocking to experience the rocking two minute backbreakers, which could put the best rides of the best amusement parks to shame..

Check out the Japanese delegation from the Yakaghamo university here to study the business model of Airoli roads (the rocky terrain in the background are the roads..)

Gender bashing!!!!!

2006-09-11T00:20:00.000-07:00

I was going through my daily dose of happenings in the country through this site called rediff.com when I glanced on this link http://mboard.rediff.com/board/board.php?boardid=news2006sep08iq&page=2. I wrote this very chauvinistic comment wherein I've posted my screen name as "MCP". Don't get me wrong ladies and I'm all for feminism and women's rights and liberation and what not stuff that you womenfolk like..It was just that at the spur of the moment i wrote a very impulsive comment and wanted to see the way womenfolk would react to it. I have so far found no replies to the comment so I'm assuming a lot of females agree with my point of view(I'm dissapointed gals!!or Maybe nobody bothers to read articles on the site or it has been given the cold shoulder..).Show some stomach for a fight!!!Tear the comment apart. That's what I like about the females. One attack on the gender issue and immediately you're labelled a self concieted, egocentric male prick..I like the way they get aggresive about such inept issues.
Anyways I like the way they can chat about anything under the sun for hours together..Like I've seen two females chat about thier boyfriends for hours discussing thier choices in dresses, hairstyles, food they like, to the physical attributes, to the hair etc ..etc..Whereas guys just don't want to discuss thier girl friends. They are much more at home discussing Cricket statistics, Micheal Schumaker (the great dude's retiring this season. Alonso ki waat lag rahi hai!!)..
Girls will spend ten grand on thier hair styles..guys just spend that kinda money on booze and yeah .."Gals". Girls will readily burst into tears but guys will keep will keep all the hurt inside and booze at the local pub/bar all alone. Girls don't need a reason to laugh..guys will sparsely do it..Girls break up into tears during the movies on slightest provocation albeit emotionally, while the guys yawn and cuddle up the girls who do it..Girls will have thier eyes only for the guy they love (although it's changing ..)while the guys will eye every eye candy..Girls look at the emotional side and guys just look for the physical side.Girls love Mush and Guys like Sex..I remember a comment that i passed a long time ago to a female colleague of mine." Girls wear lipstick and Guys play cricket" ..This apparently miffed her off so much that she stopped speaking to me for the rest of the journey in the bus we were travelling in..

But all said and done this is adhering to the stereotypes that the society has created..Looking at times now, everything is changing at such a rapid pace..Women outdo us in the booze department now in the metros..they outdo us in the count of flings they've had. They outfag us..They have also started progressing in the professional front. They could always get better grades at school but the professional courses were totally different cup of tea..The IT sector had this popular phrase.."A girl in the group is just an increase in bodycount not headcount" (made up by me for this Blog he he..creative freedom you know!!). But they are proving us wrong here too..I'm glad that's happening..No more being a doormat gals, we like being dominated as well..This brings to mind the memorable quote by Colonel(or was he a general..these ranks confuse me) Jessup from the movie "Few Good Men" which goes like this
There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by.

So gals get a grip in life and outrank us all and make us men's fantasies come true..

Gandhi-ism

2006-09-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah I watched Lage Raho Munnabhai..the sequel to Munnabhai MBBS..It's a very beautifully made movie that sends out a strong message, as well is a feel good movie without being overtly melodramatic. The director has handled the scenes involving Gandhiji and the protagonist Sunjubaba very well..He has not made the interactions solemn and the exchanges are witty. Gandhi looks for real..Munnabhai the affable character took the centre space with the accolades being shared by his side kick sarkeshwar aka circuit..The glamour qoutient(Vidya Balan) didn't disappoint and made a fan following in the theatres..I'm sure we'll see a lot of her in times to come, although she could be found wanting in roles which require her to ooze out oodles of sex appeal a la Madhuri or Sridevi..She's the cute types and I feel she'll never exude the sexuality needed to carry off hot and intimate scenes..But we have Mallika, Bipasha for that so no problem. Saw the Dhoom part two trailer and was bowled over by Bips and Ash looking very very hot..Hritik and Abhishek drew the ooh, aah(with the fairer sex) and Uday chopra contributed with the OUCH factor..
Anyways coming back to Munnabhai, a very well thought movie.Clearly a directory who knows the pulse of the masses..Also sent out a good message that voilence will never get things done for anyone. Makes it all the more stronger in the light of recent terrorist incidents. In the current world It has become fashionable to be anti Gandhi..Overheard so many people detesting what the great Mahatma achieved. Violence never achieved anything. What is terrorism to some is freedom fight for other, or a religious war for some..The victims call the perpetrators of the terror acts terrorists and the sympathisizers call them freedom fighters, martyrs. Violence certaily did get Afganistan freedom from the invading Russians. But Afganistan went from bad to worse under Taliban. This puts the Bapu's non violent movement into proper prespective.
After a victory achieved by voilence will always follow, malevolence, extremism, communalism. See the cases in Iraq, Afganistan..Even our rogue neighbour Pakistan has been unstable for decades with military coups, assainations the order of the day..Democracy breeds tolerance and corruption too..It's true that corruption is eating the foundation of modern India but at least the minorities are taken care of..I'm sure a lot of people will disagree but I've seen enough to say with surety that no place in the world is as liberal and safe as India is. Stray incidents here and there, but what do you expect from a nation that's the second most populous and literacy levels are barely skimming past the tolerable limits for a country to develop. Genocide is a term we attribute to Gujarat riots..But it was not genocide there just a backlash triggered by an unfortunate incident and lot of politics. The sombre part if that a lot of political mileage was derived from the same..Corruption again not religion!!!
Islam in India is not practised to extremeties that it is done else where in the sub continent. There is that spirit of Indianness and tolerance which is there in plenty with the Indian muslims but there are some bad apples in the whole lot that are giving the whole community a bad name. So when I read about these stray incidents that happen interspersed with peace, it really saddens me.
In these times movies like Munnabhai are a reason to cheer life and freedom in India. It has really touched the hearts of everyone who's watched it and I'm sure there's noone who must have found it disgusting or intolerant unlike the other flash hit of the season featuring the ever hamming,overacting,overemoting ,(his humongous)nostril flaring,disgustingly painful Superstar King(Wooakk..that's the sound of one throwing up) Shah rukh..and time we gave all credit due to Sunju Baba.. He rocked in the movie..
Boman Irani (I hope i got the name right) was also outstanding in the movie. Diya Mirza looked cute. Abhishek hammed too in his accented Hindi(I wonder how did he ever develop this accent?Salman's got it and a lot of filmis at the gym have it too. Do they work at the Call centers in the parttime? So many of my friends have started yapping like the yankees or the Aussies or the Pommies. Me.. I'm still the ghati accented, hardly English speaking irritating Jitesh the great!!! )..but was tolerable for the few seconds he was there in the movie. Circuit got some very hilarious one lines to mutter in the movie. Arshad Warsi is a natural at comedy and the camraderie between Sunju and himself showed throughout..It's the second time that I went to the theater to watch that movie and I wont be surprised if I see it again. But my record of five theater shows for "Dil Chata Hai" is safe i think..No patience..three hours in a movie theater is a thing of the past.

Alright guys I'm tired now..Sitting in the office on a saturday morning musing over what to do, having watched Munnabhai last night on a Rs 350 ticket is a new low in my life..Finished one more Novel "The Afgan" last night after the movie. A decent read and I would recommend the book to all my fellow friends who like to read..(Readers are a dying breed!!!Readers of this blog exist only in fiction)..
Anyways guys bye bye..See you again on the next pathetic post that I'll post soon..

The familiar Itch surfaces again..

2006-09-01T02:58:00.000-07:00

Nay nay that's not the itch you would associate with a Fungal infection or an insect bite..It's that itch on your palms when you get some money in your bank deposit..
Last time I had the familiar itch I ended up blowing up 13000 on an Ipod 30 gb video device. It's an awesome device alright, but my bank balance got smaller by that figure while the ipod rests on the dirt laden window sill in my bedroom..My folks have gotten used to my wild spending ways!!Blowing up 2K every saturday is my weekly ritual..I am faithfully going to follow it once again this weekend. This time the gizmo that's grabbed my attention is a nokia 6265 Reliance CDMA cellphone which has a 2 MP camera and 1 GB expandable memory slot.
The oh so familiar itch is like the unavoidable cold, except that you've got medication for cold. The itch will go only after you've gotten rid of the craving that's causing it.

Like the lines on my hands say that money will come and money will go. I am like the khyber pass, which has seen millions pass for centuries but nothing stays..So money comes and money goes, courtesy the ever familiar itch. That icth has come back stronger and the more I try and resist it, the stronger it gets.

Well this is how you waste good web space by writing crap. I'm sure this will find some readers too and my loyal friends will read this too. Dudes sorry for wasting your time but there's another itch that comes to me , the one to write absolute shit bordering on the ludicrous.
This is when I'm at my dangerous best. I also talk rubbish when that itch rests on my tongue and my friends bear the brunt of it..Ask my good friends..(Yes yes I have some friends. Isn't that a surprise??)..Anyways adious amigos..Shubhratri..Khudaafiz..this is Jitesh the great, babbling away to glory!!!

2006-08-31T02:24:00.000-07:00

Diet Coke/Mentos Rocket

I was surfing across the Video sharing site youtube and I came across this video..Me being a smoker I eat mentos all the time. Now I have second thoughts..I just wonder if it's banned on flights?Hope no Al Qaida inspired youths watch this. It aint that scary but makes intresting viewing ..check it out!!The Mentos - Diet Coke experiment

2006-08-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

This is a pic of Jim Morrison(A pen sketch by the amateur artist i.e. me) which has been clipped on my clip board in my office. Poor guy died when he was just 27 in mysterious circumstances.I am past that age so I feel really ancient. The other singers who died at the age of 27 include Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin..They are all legends and geniuses who died young. Thier legacy still lives on..I am listening to Purple Haze right now by Jimi Hendrix...Amazing guitar..How desperately I wish I could have the same deft fingers that he had..but being born with uninspiring fat butcher fingers will never get me playing like Jimi..Good fingers too will never make me a player like him coz dedication and talent are lacking in plenty in the make believe world of Jitesh Krishnan..(that's me..). The song that's playing right now is Shakira..A major letdown in class from the doors and Jimi Hendrix numbers..
Free spirit Rock is dead and corporate music is here to stay..Sad but true!!

Economics of Begging...

2006-08-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

Nope nope this ain't a management lecture..this is just a layman's observation on the economics of begging..No beggars were interviewed during this survey and no beggars were hurt during the making of this article(ahem!!).
I was walking on the road, just one of the very few times I have done in the last few years..Walking burns a lot of calories and with it I'll lose my perfect shape , which I am so worried about!!Hence I quit walking some years ago..It has been a boon for the rickshaw wallahs because of the people of my type..A few blocks would be a rickshaw for me...All my dear friends know about this habit of mine..Well come back to track, I was walking along, smoking my typical brand, on a typical sultry August afternoon on the typically congested sidewalks of Juhu when this Fakir (a supposedly holy Muslim fellow) asked me for a few bucks..I am against begging but , recently my stance has softened and I gave him the few bucks he was asking for. He then went on to ask for the big notes that he said he would touch on the holy vessel (some alluminium tumbler) and give it back to me. I gave him the 100 dollar note that I carry and also a hundred Rupee note..He folded both the peices of currency and started muttering something under his breath..which I could neither comprehend nor had the patience to understand..He then went on to say that he was going to feed the beggars at the local mosque with the amount that I'd given him..Momentarily I was stunned..I told him to give me back the money that was mine..I am not a small guy and i can be intimidating when I take a strong stance..He put the money in his mouth and was going to gulp it when I dared him from doing it..I abused him and threatened him with dire consequence if he didn't give the money back..He promptly handed me back the amount that he had almost swallowed..I am sure If I had punched him on his stomach he would have spewed out the hundreds in currency he must have duped out of innocents like me..
This set me thinking about the beggars in Mumbai..I took the case study of the beggars at the local four bungalow signal. There are beggars of all shapes and sizes, age, gender, caste, religion vying for your sympathy and that hard earned rupee of yours..there are some good samaritans who shell out more to these vagrants. For them it's thier good deed of the day. The traffic cop at the signal stands there all day and all he garners for the local folk are the abuses and stares but these destitute freeloaders take our sympathy and our money..
I assumed for a signal that sets periodically every two minutes , each beggar gets a Rupee as alms..that a very conservative and minimalistic guess.
So 1 Rupee every 2 Minutes
Hence 30 Rupees in an Hour.
Considering an eight hour shift(very very conservative guess again..)
30 X 8 = 240 =~ 250 rupees per day.
Considering a Five day Week (Every the beggars have corporate rules, procedures and work etiquettes!!)
250X 5 = 1250 per week translates to approximately 5000 per month...
as a very minimal estimate,..............
which is much more than what the educated traffic constable gets..All this being non taxable..My friend started at this salary after finishing his engineering and my sister earns this now after completing her B-Ed..i.e. after more than 16 years of education..Of course now Kartik earns millions and my sister will see better times..but the subtle (He He..yeah) difference is that the proffesionals in question here (The Bhikaris) save much more and sometimes consider alms as a birth right..A wise man once remarked there is no substitute to hard work but why would these vagrants work hard if we stupid Mumbaikars don't give them a reason to do so..Sometimes a whole family will be in this profession and thier income will run to five digits a month..The beggar menace is assuming monstrous proportions at the signal and now there are beggars who demand Pepsi and Coke..They aren't just satisfied with the one rupee they usually get..I guess even they want the occasional perks associated with any professional job. which would include a raise, a promotion..etc etc..

Chief bhikari, Associate Bikari, Bhikari Specialist, Junior Bhikari, the CEO etc etc...I am sure they have thier weekly status reviews, thier SBU meets at local hillstations, where they must be driving to in thier hired Sumos, Qualis etc..Conference calls, HR meets must be a reality.
And we live in the illusion that these scumbags lead a life of utter poverty, vying for that next morsel. That the tears they shed or the pain on thier faces, when they stand at the windshields of your car are for real.. I am sure Akshay kumar(Indian movie star) could learn a lesson or two about emoting from these proffesionals..

Anyways finally this realisation dawned in that they are much better off than the average Mumbaikar and many of them must be having a bank balance that would be much bigger than mine after six years of hard core IT work experience..So As I ponder in my car at the signal, while an old lady knocks at my windshield for that much coveted rupee coin, I have pledged never ever to entertain the beggars at my local four bungalow signal, the Apna bazaar signal or any signal for that matter..
From today onwards giving alms is a strict no no....Not that it would make any difference to the beggar at the Four Bungalow signal..Life will go on and the next signal they will come back with a vengeance...
Adious my friends and please think before giving alms again at your local signal, wherever that might be.. the Economics remain the same..And dont curse the local Pandu hawaldar when you give him the Fifty rupee note for your traffic voilation..He deserves it for the ordeal that he goes through..

Wasim Raja is dead..

2006-08-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

I was watching the Nine am news with my popsy on some damned news chanell inbetween my mom's soap breaks..when I heard this piece of news.."Wasim Raja is dead" and it instantly brought an instintive smile on my face. No no no..don't get me wrong.I am not a sadist, fire breating vehemant Anti Paki. But it reminded me of the famous scene enacted by none other than the lock_kardoo_ enigma Mr Don himself and an incorrigible character called Ranjeet..(I'm sure he filled the hearts of all the women with fear,courtesy his perverted look.)...
The dialogue is as follows...

Ranjeet-"Yeh sab to theek hai, magar angrezi vangrezi aati hai ya nahi."

Amitabh Bachchan-" E lo kar lo baat. Are aisi angrezi ave hain ke I can leave angrez behind. I can talk english, I can walk english, I can laugh english, because english is a funny language.
Bhairon becomes barren and barren becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow. In the year 1929 when India was playing Australia at the melbourne stadium Vijay Hazare and Vijay Merchant were at the crease. Vijay Merchant told Vijay Hazare. look Vijay Hazare, this is a very prestigious match and we must consider it very prestigiously. We must take this into consideration, the consideration that this is an important match and ultimately this consideration must end in a run."

Ranjeet-" O.K., O.K."

Amitabh Bachchan-"In the year 1979 when Pakistan was playing against India at the Wankhade stadium Wasim Raja and Wasim Bari were at the crease and they took the same consideration. Wasim Raja told Wasim Bari, look Wasim Bari, we must consider this consideration and considering that this is an important match we must put this consideration into action and ultimately score a run. And both of them considered the consideration and ran and both of them got out."

Ranjeet-" O shut up."

First time I watched this movie(Namak Halal) I was in splits and laughed till my stomach hurt..!!!
Excellent movie with excellent songs, good humour, an exotic looking Parveen Babi, The earthy Smita Patil,The Big B and Shashi_grooving_Kapoor all made it an unforgattable fare. The icing was Apna Baapi Lahiri's tunes.Songs like

"Raat Baaki"(My heart was beating at 200 per minute..ooh parveen)
"Aaj Rapat"(Amitabh sure had fun in this song..)
"Pag ghungroo" (Big B sure did rock in this number)
"Thodi si Jo Pee li" (Another good number which inspired my tulli poem)

Left an indelible mark on me as a kid and have made the rather cumbersome routine of watching the five minute look breaks(The songs in a bollywood movie) more bearable..
The story line was typically routine masala thoroughfare but registered with the young and old alike because of the comic performances by Big B and the others..

So when Wasim Raja died it forced me to break into a giggle rather than feel the loss to the cricketing fraternity..(I am a die(But it's Wasim Raja who died?...sick joke) hard cricket fan.)..

Tulli Poem

2006-08-16T05:02:00.000-07:00

I sit sipping on my glass of Rum
As slash lets his guitars strum..
Life seems to have gone astray
With folded hands my Folks pray..
Pray for me, for me to heal..
As God in one of my dreams did reveal..
Life is but a bed of thorns..
No fixed rules or set Norms..
Lady luck smiles on you one moment..
The other it comes back to torment..(sic)
That's why I like the word ferment..
Coz my house's made of brick and cement..
How sick could one's first attempt at poetry be?
Like after a dozen beers, your first Pee..
La la la Bacardi Rum..yeah yeah..
Sippin on bacardi rum..
And the guitars strum..

No comments please...This is a poem which I've written after 6 pegs!!!So excuse

Picture perfect contd..

2006-08-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

This's got to be one of my favourite pics that's ever been taken with me in it. This was taken on a trip to Lohgad with my then Reliance colleagues. We have since all quit with the exception of Rocky, who's become kinda grumpy nowadays..Rocky's the guy who's the camera hogger in this photograph..The one in white.Shiju's the outcast in the photograph..he he..he's standing by the side and doing his Ganpati dance..he's the one in red and black shorts in the extreme right..I'm the guy in the centre of it all..as always in the thick of things..it can be a traffic jam, a riot, a stampede, the most crowded bogey of the Virar fast..I'll always be in the center(Note the deliberate use of center and centre..I dunno which one's correct here) of the mess..Satty's the hugest one eclipsed by an equally big Avish..Swapan and Bryan the thin wiry, slender delicate characters complete the happy (get it) picture..Guess which one's Bryan and which one's Swapan???No points for guessing!!!
Sudhir's the guy with the camera ..matka lag gaya..the guy's creative and will attribute this gem of a photograph to his creative genes..but I seriously think it was the booze that made his thinkin hazy and hence the result...Anyways leave you with this..Bye bye!!!

Picture perfect..

2006-08-15T04:23:00.000-07:00

Independance Day..

2006-08-11T00:20:00.000-07:00

One more Holiday..That's all the significance of the day is to Indians..

They will all put a mask of patriotism and pledge thier allegiance to the welfare of the country. In the same vien they will then spit, shit and pee on the country roads. They will bribe the administrative officials. They will kill,maim,swindle others for thier own personal gains. They will throng the local trains in large numbers and just complain about the infrastrcuture. They will vote the same idiotic, corrupt politicians once again. They will take the Monday off and go on vacations to the nearby hill stations . They will buy movie tickets for double the rates from the goony touts standing outside the multiplexes. They will drive on the same Roads that break up year after year. They will pay the rickshaw driver that extra fare and then grudge about it amongst thier friends. They will book train tickets through touts.

They will praise their own tolerance, indifferance and give it names like Mumbai spirit, secularism, etc (You get the point right!!!). They will evade taxes by showing fake challans and registers prepared by the very government officials who will inspect them in the end. They will kill policemen over the slightest provocation. They will blacken the faces of teachers and principals under the cover of molestation just to gain some extra publicity. They will watch the hundered odd tear jerkers on display on television and fill up the coffers of the producers of such behemothic trash. They will build slums and get rooms for free under the slum development scheme funded by poor taxpayers (who will pay housing loans all thier lives). They will scale up the reservation quota to benefit incompetance. They will quietly see the flyovers go three years over schedule and dream about good roads. They will bend over to the US and appease them without worrying about the consequences. They will make money from Fodder, Stamps, Shares etc..They will make heroes out of underachievers. They will support a losing team. They will pay more for petrol..They will buy more cars and clog the roads, break rules and bribe the traffic policemen. They will complain about the government, taxes, roads, culture but silently grin and bear it. "Life goes on" they will say. They will migrate to the US in hordes after graduating from the elite institutes. They will launch satellites which will fall from the sky.

Life will go on and one more day will pass when we will celebrate a holiday, without understanding the significance of the term "Freedom". They will flutter flags on the dashboards of thier shiny gleamy vehicles and the very next day drive over the tricolour abandoned by themselves.

One more day when I will get up after 10:00 am..That's it..Ending it here..

Concerts I've been to!!!

2006-08-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

There are very few things in Life that I can brag about to my much smarter friends(They seem to think so!!)..One of them being I've attended a live metallica concert..Yeah you've read this right I was at the salt lake city when the concert happened...Salt Lake didn't seem to be too happening compared to the other cities I've been to in the US like Vegas, San francisco, New York and Boston..But the most happening and memorable events I've experienced have been at the Salt Lake..Heading the list woule be the metallica concert, second would be the NBA game between Utah Jazz and the Minnesota Timberwolves, third would be the Ice hockey game between ummm...two teams(He He it's out of the RAM). Fourth would come the visit to the first strip joint. Fifth would rank the best Indian food i've had in the U.S..There were other memorable trips like the trip to the museum, the salt lake church..My dear friend Mark Furlong promised to take me to the Tabernacle(which is the choir at salt lake church..), but unfortunately it never materialized..
Anyways coming back to the concert the tickets priced at 50$ was a good deterent for some of the pesky friends and they backed out. That left us with three of us Indians with a nice cute looking Mormon girl at the concert. She was the beacon and we were the Indian immigrants at the big party. She made sure we were all comfortable there..The queues were long and the parking had us walking for a mile to reach the concert. Reminded me of the parking stunts we try in Mumbai on a weekend at the local pubs.

So It was me ,subbu and sudheer with Maryanna(our sweet mormon friend) to enjoy the spectacle that was to unravel before our I-am-from-boring-uneventful-Mumbai eyes..
We missed the opening act by Godsmack, which is also a nice metallica sound alike band..When we were parking we could hear the electric guitars strumming and the crowd roaring..Took me back to the days when i watched my first Internationl cricket match..The adrenaline was flowing every where, so was booze.. this was the day beer outflowed the water and marijuana was in greater percentage than nitrogen and oxygen together. The compostion of Earth had changed. The vast sea of metal crazy fans covered every single occupiable space on the ground. The pyrotechnics and the illuminations outdid the natural light by thousand times and the crowd chanting rose over the strong breeze blowing..All these factors had brought the event to a deafening crescendo, when the opening act brought in the lead guitarist with his gig that had the crowd dazzled and yearning for more. Then the lead vocalist James Hetfield barged in and started belting out his numbers. The crowd went wild..Heads were bobbing in unison in the ritual which is called head banging by the rockers. There was smoke every where. Beer flowed, smoked billowed out of every nostril, heads shook wildly with hair flying off in all directions...girls in thier teens flashed and the oldies flashed too..intoxicated, drugged out teenagers started preaching peace to the fellow men who had gathered to celebrate the music of the satan himself..
I wasn't such a big Metallica fan but i found myself head banging and enjoying every moment of the music played. There was too much energy in the show and it was addictive..nobody was standing still..headbanging, then beer and more head banging..people making out, gals stripping to thier bare essentials..The event rocked..James played,Tony strummed, beer flowed, marijuana fumed,breasts flashed,heads banged..pandemonium reigned supreme..
The band played for around two hours and the fifty dollars were well spent..It was better than having to spend fifty dollars on the expensive Indian cuisine, which i avoided like plague whilst i was in India..chinese and burgers were the rage those days..
The concert was over and the crowd satisfied went home, unlike concerts in India where the crowd urged the band to continue playing with thier chants of "Once More, Once More..".
The tradition I guess started off with the orchestra's that played in every nook and corner in India..the crowd would always demand more and the praise hungry artists (for whom orchestra was the last resort to thier flaying/failing filmy career aspirations) always obliged..

I was tempted to go for the "Once More.." mantra here, but wisely decided against it..I went back home satisfied at the best investment i had made in my life..My rocker friends were so frustrated that me of all the people had been to a Metallica concert..I enjoyed the limelight for a while and this has been the talking point of many a conversations. I tell the other guy/gal about being to a Metallica concert and they go "Wow..man you lucky bastard!!".

I have been to several concerts here in Mumbai notably Brian Adams, Mark Knofler, Joe satriani etc..they all rocked but it missed something. Can't quite explain what?But I could never expereince the same emotional high that Metallica gave me on that fateful day November 2004.

Rakhi

2006-08-02T01:16:00.000-07:00

No No I'm not refereing to the hip shaking,booty boisterous loud mouthed dancer from bollywood who was in news recently for a lip smack that she got from a non entity named Mika. I dont know whom to sympathize with? With Mika for losing his equilibrium and kissing a third rated slut or Rakhi for being kissed by a moronic, zilch achieving buffoon!!

But the media definitely did splash the both of them everywhere. They had over shadowed the terrorist and arsonic activities that are commonplace in India nowadays. It had made two virtually non entities into celebrities. Now people had started noticing Mika as the guy who had sung a single not so long ago(around seven years ago!!!!). His only claim to fame was that he sang through his nose and had a lovely chick in that neat video (which unfortunately had him too, serenading that lovely woman!!). He got a break immediately in a Himesh song (armaan armaaan..armaan..the same nasal sound. I did confuse him with lord Himesh the first time I heard the song.Blasphemy hmm..). Rakhi was on every television channel. Now feminists were fighting for her rights, the very creed that had lambasted her for her skin show. Now Rakhi was the new victim for whom these vehemant, agressive species whose only desire was feminine supremacy. "Glory to the woman kind", they say..I agree, what would we men do without the womenfolk?? We'll discuss this in some other post (I am a thoroughbred MCP..!!feminists I am ready to take you on..woooo ahhh(to the tune of kungfu fighting..))..

See how i digress from the topic..The Rakhi I am talking about is the Indian festival when the sisters tie a string around thier brother's wrists and drain thier brothers of the hard earned money(God ..Ask me, How many hours in the office I've sacrificed to the orkutting,mail checking and demat account broswing, and of couse blogging to earn that money!!!). It's just around the corner and I can smell something cooking amongst my sisterfolk..I dream about the sinister eyes of my sisters as they break into that wicked grin with a piece of thread, some sweets, a lamp and a sprinking of rice and teeka(colour that will ornate my forehead on that unfortunate day). The smile they have when they think about the goods they can buy with the money that thier hard working brother gives them..(Hard working , oh yeah..)

So many women I know have just made brothers out of thier acquaintances they fear might suddenly develop intrest in them. Unwittingly they have broken so many hearts!!So many of my friends used to skip school, colleges, office on that dreaded day on the fear of being tied a Rakhi by some lovely chick from thier school/office/colleges. I had this perpetual fear of being tied a Rakhi on that fateful day every year. But I guess nobody was intrested in me so I escaped prosecution.The girls made a killing that day. So many of the girls I knew sported a new mobile phone the very next day. The brothers were devastated..So many of the guys I know were enquiring about personal loans a fews days before rakhi..

Anyways the festival is around the corner and I am looking forward to being ripped again this year. Six Rakhis is what I get every year and this year is going to be no different. The return gifts have to be inflation, salary raise complaint and have to be adjusted against the rates of new gizmos that hit the market. Fortunately for me this year the mobile phones have become cheaper so I can breathe a little easy. I wonder if tax rebates are offered on the rakhi gifts. I will ask my sisters for receipts then which of course wouldn't be a problem for them too, I presume..

On this note I am signing off..Writer's block..My writing has become really bad..Thanks guys for putting up with this non sense!!!!

Airoli Roads

2006-07-31T04:12:00.001-07:00

They are a disaster!!!The term roads should be redefined to accomadate the fiasco that goes by the name "The Great Thane Belapur Road". Every monsoons we have the same situation.First drizzle and the roads crack up leaving potholes big and small, biggest one could easily gulp up a small car and the smaller ones are ....well just small but enough to screw up the suspensions on your precious vehicles.It becomes really risky and scary driving on these roads.
These roads are frequented by huge trucks,trailors,buses and other small private puny vehicles.The whole mass of humanity travelling in these vehicles sway in simple harmonic motion on the troughs and peaks that pop up on these roads.
Today morning was unbelievable. I was fast asleep some fifty minutes into the bus journey when i was awakened by a sudden jerk!!I thought it must be a minor accident. But no it was just our bus hitting the first pothole on the Airoli stretch.And what followed was an amusing and also a frustrating experience.Twenty minutes of non stop bumpy ride that could easily rival some of the best rides in the best amusement parks of this World. The girl sitting on the last seat shrieked when she was thrown about a foot in the air off the seat. The pony tailed girl on the second seat had her pony tails flying in different directions. The uncle on the second seat moaned as his frail aged back creaked under the strain. The bus moaned with him too..The lovers on the last seat banged thier head against each other and i could see a bump on the pretty girl's head. The lover boy shouted some choicest abuses directed at the government. I was just amused. It felt like one of the disaster movies from hollywood..Posiedon, Titanic..They must have undergone same experiences!!

I thought i should capture a video of the ride inside our bus but decided against it. Am too lazy to do such things!!Anyways watching the five - ten something tonne trailers sway alonside us was a nerve wracking experience. Anybody who's travelled with me will vouch that I am paranoid about these huge huge trailors that have huge containers resting on the base with the support of four rusty (four inch diameter) screws!!!I have seen numerous trailors toppled on these highways. Praying to lord Himesh didn't bring any calmness to my frayed nerves. The practice of sudarshan kriya imparted to me by my blessed guru (Venkat from the art of living..snicker snicker) didnt help either. Anxiety reigned supreme amongst the mere mortals in the Patni's Andheri bus. Abbas prayed to the almighty Allah, Susan was shouting 'O Mother Mary', Ravi yelling 'Hey bhagwan bacha le' and Gurinder called upon his Waheguru for help..The parsi Bawa was also calling his Gods(Sorry I'm ignorant about thier gods!!). Communal harmony. It's distress that binds us mumbaites together I say!!

The bus next to our bus tilted by thirty degrees and was periliously close to my window and my heart and b@11s just popped up at the same time in my oral cavity(Mouth..I mean).
I could whiff the sweet smell perfume on the girl in the next bus. Our eyes met for a brief moment and we could see the terror in each others eyes (Saath marenge..saath jiya nahin to kya hua ..huh babe!!). The buses tilted opposite ways and i waved my hand in a sweet goodbye and was ecstatic at the reciprocatory gesture that i got back from the girl.

The pot holes continued till we hit the turn for the Thane belapur road. I am looking forward for the experience next day when we take the same route again.It's like playing Russian roulette. You never know when your luck runs out and you are crushed by a trailor.Till then enjoy the adrenalin flow and the thrills that come as a parcel with the ride.

Anyways the privilege is only till the monsoon season carries on. Once the monsoon season ends and the government officials repair the roads(after filling up thier coffers) it will be back to the same dull boring rides .Bahh!!!...
P.S. Please forgive my English. I know it's not upto the mark but I'm trying...

Repetitive work

2006-07-27T05:10:00.000-07:00

Call it laziness, call it procastination,indiscipline,callousness or simply call it incompetence that's what i am loaded with. That's one of the qualities that I possess in abundance. Simpler details that when remembered make our lives easier I just don't do it. Like dont you think that it's very easy to jott down a password on a peice of paper or that dreaded excel sheet so that later on I dont have to reformat ten imaged machines, just because i can't fu***in login into any one of the machines. How can one forget administrator passwords in perfectly setup machines only I know!!!
Man today's been really frustrating. Eight hours of the day in reimaging machines..I hope my dad doesn't come to know of this from anyone or else I'm toast. He's been banging his head against a stone wall all these years warning me of my "I don't care a damn, things will be alright" attitude.

Similiarly this is for the umpteenth time that my phone connection has been discontinued by the warring brother of the Ambani clan..If only I paid my dues on time..Now I've gotta be satisfied with a phone that serves only as a source of entertainment (games!!) and for listening to FM radio when i am in that sombre mood and crave for a Himesh Reshamiya song that can torture me to near death experiences.

Also I've gotta fill that dreaded Saral form else the tax men will raid my house too..That puts me on the same plane as Amitabh huh!!He was troubled by the money men too!!
Anyways I am strictly against Paying tax after travelling on the Airoli roads which sprained my neck, screwed my back and pummeled my Bum severely out of shape..Against paying tax for the politicians to build thier sprawling bungalows(so that I can be shooed by the security men at the gates), thier colleges (..and then send my children in those very same colleges built with my own money), for slums to be redeveloped (so that the slum dwellers can sell them off to me later and build more slums upsurping more land), for government to build more bridges (so that they can setup toll nakas at every km or so..), for the government to build more shauchalayas (Public urinals..so that more roads stink near these unmantained shauchs..), for the government to build more roads (so that when these substandard roads break up they can spend more money on these roads..) .

Just read on the web that professional tax has been increased threefold!!
Anyways I am barely meeting mah ends meet with this meagre salary that my current company offers me. Met an old friend of mine and was aghast at knowing the salary raise she got. My self esteem has hit it's lowest ebb since I got my first and only KT in engineering..
Anyways I hope for myself's sake I get some order and sanity back in my life. Pull up my socks and get more disciplined..Smart guys like us(ahem!!) shouldn't be languishing at the bottom.We belong up there..Leo men are boisterous and egoistic asses so please forgive me for my brash self advertisement(couldn't find a better term for what i wanted to write so !!)..
Anyways I will get back to Blogging , gotta go and meet my friend who's come to meet me!!
Bye for now